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Posted (edited)

Hey guys!

I'm in a super weird predicament that I'd never thought I'd be in. I am in the beginning stages of weight loss surgery, scheduled to meet with the team in two weeks and then a few months until signing consent and getting a surgery appointment. Last month my common law partner of 12 years told me he is transgender. I never dated in high school, I have only ever been with him. So now at 31 and beginning this journey I find myself single. We are good friends so besides the financial and emotional stress there aren't any bad or hard feelings.

But now I'm looking at making new relationships, both friendships and potentially eventually romantic ones. How do I do that during this process? Has anyone been there before? How do you explain to someone I may not always look like this, or loose skin and Hair loss may be part of the process. I live in a small town, I don't even know how to begin the process of making friends as an adult, not to mention as an obese adult.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Or have advice?

Edit-- I should add that I am not looking to start dating right away, I'm not in that kind of headspace yet, but I am anxious about the day when I feel ready. Just the worries of ever being in a relationship again are on my mind.

Edited by KayBes

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2 hours ago, KayBes said:

Hey guys!

I'm in a super weird predicament that I'd never thought I'd be in. I am in the beginning stages of weight loss surgery, scheduled to meet with the team in two weeks and then a few months until signing consent and getting a surgery appointment. Last month my common law partner of 12 years told me he is transgender. I never dated in high school, I have only ever been with him. So now at 31 and beginning this journey I find myself single. We are good friends so besides the financial and emotional stress there aren't any bad or hard feelings.

But now I'm looking at making new relationships, both friendships and potentially eventually romantic ones. How do I do that during this process? Has anyone been there before? How do you explain to someone I may not always look like this, or loose skin and Hair loss may be part of the process. I live in a small town, I don't even know how to begin the process of making friends as an adult, not to mention as an obese adult.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Or have advice?

Edit-- I should add that I am not looking to start dating right away, I'm not in that kind of headspace yet, but I am anxious about the day when I feel ready. Just the worries of ever being in a relationship again are on my mind.

Hello i dont have much advise but Have you ever downloaded the app meet up.? Im in california and its a great place to meet up with other people in ur area or surrounding. You can search like single groups, people with similar interest like music or movies im a mom so mommy groups. Theres tons of groups you could join and meet new people (at least in my city) and find what the new you wants and likes. You have alot of changes u seem like ur going through with the loss of that relationship to also going to be getting weight loss surgery. U get a redo on life in a way so you geet to experience new things for the first time and find who you are and what u want in life. I wish you the best! It may seem scary now not knowing what to do but focus on ur self and what makes u happy and sooner or Later when ur ready u will be dating and find someone who complements you and loves you for you.

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, KayBes said:

Hey guys!

I'm in a super weird predicament that I'd never thought I'd be in. I am in the beginning stages of weight loss surgery, scheduled to meet with the team in two weeks and then a few months until signing consent and getting a surgery appointment. Last month my common law partner of 12 years told me he is transgender. I never dated in high school, I have only ever been with him. So now at 31 and beginning this journey I find myself single. We are good friends so besides the financial and emotional stress there aren't any bad or hard feelings.

But now I'm looking at making new relationships, both friendships and potentially eventually romantic ones. How do I do that during this process? Has anyone been there before? How do you explain to someone I may not always look like this, or loose skin and Hair loss may be part of the process. I live in a small town, I don't even know how to begin the process of making friends as an adult, not to mention as an obese adult.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Or have advice?

Edit-- I should add that I am not looking to start dating right away, I'm not in that kind of headspace yet, but I am anxious about the day when I feel ready. Just the worries of ever being in a relationship again are on my mind.

I, personally, am not dating anyone until I reach my goal and after plastic surgery. I want to focus 100% on myself and this process takes a lot of dedication and time (for me, anyways) and I don't feel like I have the ability to focus or care about anyone other than myself right now in the way that I should if I were in a relationship. As far as just friendships, how you look shouldn't play any role in your friendships.

Edited by mousecat88

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the Hair loss shouldn't be a concern. Even if you lose some (and not everyone does), it grows back - and for most of us, you're the only one who notices it. I hardly noticed mine at all - so there's no way anyone else would have. It would be rare to have it come out in big clumps and leave bald spots like it would for someone like a chemo patient. The loose skin would be more of an issue - that is, if the person cares.

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On 7/12/2019 at 1:35 PM, catwoman7 said:

the Hair loss shouldn't be a concern. Even if you lose some (and not everyone does), it grows back - and for most of us, you're the only one who notices it. I hardly noticed mine at all - so there's no way anyone else would have. It would be rare to have it come out in big clumps and leave bald spots like it would for someone like a chemo patient. The loose skin would be more of an issue - that is, if the person cares.

I'm not worried about Hair loss, my hair is super thick so if anything I'm kind of looking forward to that part. It's just that I don't want someone to assume I'm "normal average" size and then have to explain the loose skin and see them get grossed out. Just not looking forward to that part. And that may all be in my head, maybe whoever I tell will be super cool about it, I guess it's just the unknown that worries me.

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On 7/12/2019 at 11:45 AM, mousecat88 said:

I, personally, am not dating anyone until I reach my goal and after plastic surgery. I want to focus 100% on myself and this process takes a lot of dedication and time (for me, anyways) and I don't feel like I have the ability to focus or care about anyone other than myself right now in the way that I should if I were in a relationship. As far as just friendships, how you look shouldn't play any role in your friendships.

Thanks for the reply! I agree, I want to take some time and figure out how to be me again, it's been so long in a co-dependent relationship that it will be nice to figure out myself again. My problem is I worry about the far future when I shouldn't lol Part of being an anxiety ridden nut I guess

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Hope you figure it all out but I agree with above I'll be taking the year or two to myself to not only lose weight but to tone up, increase my self-esteem and confidence and to be completely ready to put myself out there.

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