I think we all have a picture of what we look like in our heads. (I could be wrong on this, I just discovered that not everybody had a radio in their heads. Big shock on my part…) Whether this picture is correct and accurate or a gross misrepresentation of our true physical body is often a factor in our weight. I know that I always thought I was fat, even when I was “normal” sized. Part of that for me was what the scale said, part of that was from the tapes from my childhood. Fat and ugly, fat and ugly, fat and ugly. In my mind I was always a size 24, even when I was a size 7.

Even when I was an athlete, I thought I was fat. Of course, because I was fat, I couldn’t be an athlete. Mind you, I wasn’t actually fat, I was a size 11, and for my body type, well I looked damn fine. Probably part of the mind picture was influenced by the size of my bust, and thanks to my dear mother, I felt like a circus freak. Because the scales said that I weighed 190 pounds, I was told that I was obese. I was told that I needed to exercise more. Mind you, at this time of my life, I was doing judo for 4 hours a week and tae kwon do 10 to 15 hours a week. I was in some serious butt-kicking shape, but I believed that I was obese, I believed that I was fat.

I recently went through some photos with my son from when he was a baby and I could not believe what I looked like. I wasn’t fat, and I sure didn’t look like a circus freak. I looked like a “normal” sized person.

I am using those pictures to build a new “head” picture of myself. A picture of what I want to look like, but this time I hope that I can have an honest and accurate picture of myself.

I don’t want to have the band installed, go through all the hard work involved with this tool, and then fail because I don’t have a true picture of myself. One of the tools I plan to use is the knowledge of the size of my clothes. I know that in those pictures of my baby I was a size 12/14. I wasn’t fat, and once I regain that size again, I won’t be fat then either.

I would like to know how other are changing their “head” pictures, how they are changing and adjusting to their new sizes.

Get a pix of you in a group of other people. As a general rule I don't think compairing ourselves against others is a good idea, but it really is important sometimes.

This is why I think it is so important to change our self image. Changing the picture in our mind is the only way I can think of to change it. it is insidious and I don't know how to fix it. I only have ideas.

My younger sister has horrible body dismorphia (not that I'm any better, but her highest weight was maybe 170). She's 130 now, looks fabulous, but still doesn't like her body, but can't tell you why. We were on vacation and we went to the beach, just her and I, and while we were in the Water messing around I stopped and said "Hey, I want you to know that you are the same size as the girl in the blue bathing suit over there." She couldn't believe it, she had no idea that's what she looked like (comparitively). So I pointed out some other body types, a girl that was pretty close to my sister's biggest size, who still didn't look all that bad anyway, etc. I think it helped her a little. I'm going to have her do the same thing for me when I get closer to my goal, just for my own mental frame of reference. I look at my sister, who's the same basic build as I am, lower than my goal weight, and think I'll never possibly look like that, but it's a very distinct possibility, and I need to wrap my head around it.

My point is, it might help you to have an outside source help point things out like this. Beyond looking at pictures of yourself, looking at other people who might have a similar build to help you see what you can look like... if that makes any sense at all. I haven't participated much, but I've been watching this thread since it was started, and it very much hits home, and I'm soaking up all the advice given

We were at an outdoor concert the other day and this gal walked infront of me. Well I turned to my sis and I say gosh I would be happy if I was that size (14 or 12). She gave me this puzzled look then say's but you are that size. I looked at the gal again and was floored because I did not see it almost cried.. So every now and then I will pick some one out in the crowd and ask my husband am I that size. Drives him nuts cause he just does not understand how I cannot see the differance.

It reminds me of a episode of (Without a Trace) where a gal got a whole body makeover just like on the swan and in the end she just was not happy with the results, the only thing she worried about was she did not get her ears done and she was a beauty. I love that the size of my clothes getting smaller and that my husband is now towering over me and that I can sit my booty on my childs chair with out breaking it. Maybe one day the light bulb will come on:)

But over all it is very interesting

I'm just the opposite. It took looking at family pictures of myself to realize that I'm actually this big. Even though my clothes label said size 20 - I still viewed myself as a size 10 - I didn't know I was fat til I saw the "proof" in pictures. I guess that's how I ended up getting so big. I know it sounds stupid, but I didn't KNOW I was fat. I have mirrors in my house - I was looking in them - but I DIDN'T see it coming on. It took the last 30 pounds or so to make it hard for me to get up off the floor or get out of a chair, tie my shoes, etc. - that coupled with the pictures - what happened to me? Recently, friends that havn't seen me in about 5 years came to visit. When I picked them up at the airport I said "I know, who are you and why did you EAT my friend Cheryl? They laughed of course - told me I was crazy and that I looked great. People that love you - LIE. They said of course it doesn't matter what you look like - we love you for who you are. Which of course made me feel HUGE. (Goes back to "You have a pretty face" or "You've got a wonderful personality.") Damnit - I want to be HOT, SEXY, and maybe even a little BIT*%Y. Not the fat, funny, nice girl.

"The fat, funny, nice girl."

Wow does that say it all for me as well. You know, maybe that's part of it. I had the same issue as you, where I knew I wasn't thin, but I wasn't FAT!! No, not fat. All through my teen and young adult life, I've been that friend that everyone went to with a problem, that gave advise, a shoulder, whatever was needed (and didn't happen to be able to find that when I needed it by the way). Maybe I was happy enough with WHO I was to not care enough about my body to see what I really looked like? I was LOOKING at the inside and not SEEING the outside? Does that make any kind of sense?

It was pictures that told me the truth as well. Now I see it in the mirror, and I'm having a hard time seeing that I'm 50 lbs lighter. It's getting a little better though. I'm starting to see a difference, so something is starting to work .

I always used to tell people that I had anti-anorexia, that is - I look in the mirror and think I am thin and panic when I lose weight or get hungry. I think thats why I used to cry when I saw photos of myself - it was like "but thats not me!" I read a great book called "when women stop hating there bodies" and they advised getting to know exactly where you are at, size wise. So I did lots of looking in the mirror, looking at photos and getting my hubby to help me identify others who were about my size. For a while I would be shocked and get it wrong, one way or another, but now I am pretty good at seeing someone and saying "I am about that size". However, I can do that with my eyes but I still dont have that picture of myself in my head. When I weighed 80kgs I thought I was so fat and horrible, and now I am 120kgs I feel ok, and I can look back and see how lovely I was at 80kgs. I still have trouble imagining myself thin, I have never been in the healthy weight range (60-70kgs). The picture I have of myself is of someone who is 18, with perfect skin and really long hair like I used to have. I have trouble picturing myself as someone thin in their 30s, with some hangy skin, shorter hair and a few wrinkles. I dont want to set myself up for a fall, so I am trying to see that person rather than the 'perfect' image I used to have. I do have fun imagining the clothes I will wear though!!

Try as I might, everytime I picture myself at 80kg I see someone fat and ugly because that's how I felt, I was a teenager at the time. I feel far more beautiful now in my late 30's and 30kg heavier! I've found motivation hard at times because back then in the 80's people over a size 14 couldnt wear jeans or anything vaguely normal like that, so my youth was spent in misery. Nowadays I have a wardrobe full of great clothes! I have long hair now, whereas I was always the ugly girl with short hair - now I'd love to get weight off so I can cut my hair short again, lol.

And I pull old photos out and I do look terribly fat at 80kg! But I think that was more puppy fat you know, around the face. I had huge cheeks and a wide face and looked beefy. Now I look nothing like that, I dont carry the weight on my face anymore.

So its extremly difficult to sort out a picture in my head of how I will look at my goal weight.

So its extremly difficult to sort out a picture in my head of how I will look at my goal weight.

My biggest fear is when I get there I'll just look OLD.

That's why--for ME--I'm trying to focus more on what my inside looks like.

....NOT that I also don't have every intention of saving up for some PS!

<3 Kare Bear, before I had the band, I wasn't sure I would last the year, let alone time to get to goal.

Isn't being old better than the alternative? Like death?

Not necessarily.

I don't know how to say this without sounding unhappy--or just terribly ungrateful for the gift of life... but not necessarily. I'm not the least afraid of death, while I am terrified of a few other things.

I could say a lot here... but who would want to read all that?! Someday perhaps we'll meet and have a good ol talk.

Bumping this thread because it ties so closely with "body size and dysmorphia"

This is a great thread! I have always had the body dysmorphic issue. I have never seen (in my minds eye) myself as fat. So I avoided mirrors & pictures. Then when I did see a picture of myself I went into a tailspin. So I have been taking pictures of my face with my digital camera off & on since having this surgery & this morning is the first time I can really tell a difference. I actually look like myself! I think I will do my make-up today!! LOL! & my hair. I would attempt to post the pic but I have a bit of the bedhead. Maybe later. After I have make-up on. I do have a pic posted in my profile. It was taken in December at Christmas, right before I had surgery. Again, love this thread!

Bumping because it's relevant to some recent conversations

What if you don't have any pictures of yourself as a thin person? My mom says that I started gaining weight when I was 9 which would put me in 4th grade. The pictures that I take today, I see no difference then when I started this weight loss journey...ast least in my head. Even when I graduated from HS I was at 200 pounds.

Thanks for bumping this thread, Crystal. First time I've seen it and alot of it really hits home. I very often worry that when I get to goal, I still won't like who I see staring back in the mirror. The closer I get, the more I realize that is a very definite possibility. Something I must work on ...