I think we all have a picture of what we look like in our heads. (I could be wrong on this, I just discovered that not everybody had a radio in their heads. Big shock on my part…) Whether this picture is correct and accurate or a gross misrepresentation of our true physical body is often a factor in our weight. I know that I always thought I was fat, even when I was “normal” sized. Part of that for me was what the scale said, part of that was from the tapes from my childhood. Fat and ugly, fat and ugly, fat and ugly. In my mind I was always a size 24, even when I was a size 7.

Even when I was an athlete, I thought I was fat. Of course, because I was fat, I couldn’t be an athlete. Mind you, I wasn’t actually fat, I was a size 11, and for my body type, well I looked damn fine. Probably part of the mind picture was influenced by the size of my bust, and thanks to my dear mother, I felt like a circus freak. Because the scales said that I weighed 190 pounds, I was told that I was obese. I was told that I needed to exercise more. Mind you, at this time of my life, I was doing judo for 4 hours a week and tae kwon do 10 to 15 hours a week. I was in some serious butt-kicking shape, but I believed that I was obese, I believed that I was fat.

I recently went through some photos with my son from when he was a baby and I could not believe what I looked like. I wasn’t fat, and I sure didn’t look like a circus freak. I looked like a “normal” sized person.

I am using those pictures to build a new “head” picture of myself. A picture of what I want to look like, but this time I hope that I can have an honest and accurate picture of myself.

I don’t want to have the band installed, go through all the hard work involved with this tool, and then fail because I don’t have a true picture of myself. One of the tools I plan to use is the knowledge of the size of my clothes. I know that in those pictures of my baby I was a size 12/14. I wasn’t fat, and once I regain that size again, I won’t be fat then either.

I would like to know how other are changing their “head” pictures, how they are changing and adjusting to their new sizes.

A lot of people have the same problem you do, but with me it was almost the opposite. At my heaviest, I knew I was fat, I knew I needed to lose weight, but I didn't really think I looked that bad. Now when I see old photos of myself, I am appalled.

Nancy

thought I would revisit this tread. I don't know who said it, but it goes something like "you cannot achieve what your mind cannot concieve."

If we cannot reallistically picture ourselves at our goal, how can we acchieve it? This is true for those of us who don't really know what we look like, ever.

I wonder if there is a software package that will cause people to "loose" weight? I mean there are software packages out there that will age people, these are used by law enforcement agencies that track lost or missing children. (I watch a lot of true crime tv ) So, it makes me wonder if there is any software that will reduce someone's picture?

I can see this being a very big seller for bariatric doctors...

I'm the same way. I'd look at myself in the mirror and go I can't be that fat, I cant possibly look like I wear a size 16/18 do I? Then I see a picture of myself and am like OH MY I sure am that fat.

A lot of people have the same problem you do, but with me it was almost the opposite. At my heaviest, I knew I was fat, I knew I needed to lose weight, but I didn't really think I looked that bad. Now when I see old photos of myself, I am appalled.

Nancy

I paid way too much money for several visits with a hypno-therapist. As far as the "hypno" part, I was never hypnotized or "put under." But he was an amazing therapist, and I wish I had thousands of dollars to see him on a regular basis.

He did a lot of visual imagery. I'd sit back in the dark room in a relaxed state, and he'd take me on these adventures. One session he had me walking through my dream house, happy, confident, totally at peace. Then I had to look in a mirror and drop my robe, and while looking in the mirror he had me unzip my "fat suit" and step out of it. Then I had to carry the fat suit, then put it down and walk away from it lovingly. Naturally I walked away lighter than air and on Cloud 9. Then I woke up! DOH!

But I wanted to share this story since it kinda fits in here.

Second: What's worse, being fat and ugly, or "having such a pretty face?" Till this day I HATE that phrase. People think they are complimenting me, but when I hear what a pretty face I have, it just reminds me what a fat body I have.

If I had a dollar for everytime I would get an "intented to be good compliment" I'd be rich. There is this one aunt that always tells me, even though your big, you are still really pretty and your a fantastic dresser, so don't worry about not being thin. Wow, just because I have good taste in clothes I can be fat, not a bad deal, huh. It is so weird how we have distorted images of ourselves, I am forever asking my husband to compare me to someone we know or see, just so that I can see how I look, but it never works, image is still distorted, because that's how he sees me, not how I really look, do you understand what I mean??? And it makes me mad when, we are watching tv and you see a movie star that has gained a couple of pounds and are a bit heavier and he makes a comment like "Wow, she's gotten really fat", excuse me, she probably went from a size 6 to an 8 and you think she's fat, then what am I, orka??? Maybe we should start working on such a computer program to show us how we would look like at certain weights. I for one would pay to see what cheek bones would look like on my rounded face... Oh well, I'll just have to wait and see, if I get to where I dream I'll be once at goal.

"And it makes me mad when, we are watching tv and you see a movie star that has gained a couple of pounds and are a bit heavier and he makes a comment like "Wow, she's gotten really fat"

OH I HATE THIS!!!! Howard Stearn calls Drew Barrymore, "Tubby." Damn, if I could be so fat as Drew. And Ryan Seacrest just last week on American Idol made a horrible fat joke about Kirsty Alley.

What the F is wrong with the world? People are so judgemental, yet every single one of us has flaws and ugly habits. Bastards.

It is so funny I didn't think I looked that bad but then you see a picture and you almost puke. You just cannot believe it is you. I don't care how you slice it america thinks fat people are lazy and lack self control I personally think it is in your genes if you got the fat gene you can do everything literally starve and you have the tendency to be fat years ago when I said that to one of the diet centers I joined they said no now years later they have discovered it is in your genes look at mother and daughter couples where the mother is obese or father it is passed to their children I have tried so many diets and the only time I maintained a reasonable weight never skinny it was when I literally starved myself and ate hardly nothing. so there is my take on it all sad but true.

I have never, ever been thin and have never thought of myself as normal. The upside of that, if there is one, is that being fat was so much a part of my life that I stopped thinking about it years ago.

So as you might imagine I'm having a little trouble recognizing myself now. When I walk past plate-glass windows I'm always astonished at how quickly I pass by! One thing I find instructive now is looking at reflections of myself next to other people in the glass, or in group pictures. Comparing myself objectively like that really helps me comprehend that I'm no longer ALWAYS the biggest person in the picture. It's got to be a reflection or photo though; I'm not quite to a place where I can do it without the outside view.

Yet last night, sitting on my daughters' bedroom floor with my legs stretched out in front of me, I was looking at my legs and thinking they look exactly like they always have to me. Huge. My feet are now clearly larger than they were in relation to my calves, and I actually have visible anklebones. but even those facts don't change my perception of my legs as being grotesquely oversized.

So I just try not to contemplate my legs too much.

Oh Lisa! You hit the nail right on the head! How dare Ryan Seacrest or anyone judge or make negative remarks openly about others being fat!

You know, it's like you said. Everyone has something either internally or externally wrong with them. If it's not being overweight then it could be a drug or alcohol problem. If it's not that, then it could be a nasty judgemental attitude. (HHHMMM.....Mr. Seacrest?) If it's not that then it could be a huge nose. We all have something that needs working on, and I HATE IT when people act like they're flawless perfection embodied. Yeah....riiiiiiiiggggghhhhht!!!!! Even the most beautiful person in the world has some internal flaw that could use a little work, I'm sure. God made no one perfect except for His son Jesus Christ.

In the words of Forrest Gump - "And that's all I have to say about that."

See, I at whatever size I am still look heavy. I always saw myself as fat. Even at the one time when I lost a crap load of weight, I still looked fat. When I gained a bunch of weight, I didn't even notice that..I was still just the same old fat me.

I really wonder what im going to feel when I am thin. I wonder what issues my weight is covering up. Ive already had to give up my smoking habit..and that brought up some big problems. All I know, is that I did make the right choice...Ill be healthy.

I used to dream about being thin (yes literally dream) and buying the small sized clothes..Not worrying if someone was looking at me because I was disgusting or what. It was weird, I never believed someone when they flirted with me. I always thought it was some cruel joke. Im pretty young, and when people look at me I cant tell if theyre staring at me because im fat, or because maybe they find me attractive. I dont feel I have a pretty face..but thats me. It would just be nice not to get the looks when I go to sit down at a restaurant.

Did I ramble too much? x.x Great thread though!

bumping as part of the body dismorphic converstations

This is a great thread. It lends another meaning to mind-body conversation.

Okay, I'm finally in the same place with my scanner and my old photos. That and I finally found the printer cable.

This is the picture I'm using to rebuild my self immage. This pix was taken in ... 1988. Just so you know, Spudboy doesn't look like this anymore, but he is just as sweet...

Take down those "fat" pix, because you are keeping that fat image in your head...

So again, what pictures in *your* mind are you using?

Could a moderator please make this pix a little more managable?

Crystal - look how small you were????? WOW! ((((((LOVE those 80's glasses, dont worry, I had some myself, LOL))))))

Spudboy was absolutely darling! He seemed like a very content baby. You are/were blessed!