So I’m will probably have the sleeve sometime in June, every time I’ve talked with my mother about it she’s extremely negative and discouraging...dictating to me I shouldn’t do it and usually leaves me in tears....I’ve decided that at 30yrs old, I will have this procedure without her approval because I cannot continue to allow her to dictate how I should I should live my life does anyone here have parents or husbands ahl are like this? so I guess the only people I’m telling is my two best friends

80% of my family is like this. A lot of it stems from misinformation and ignorance. At the end of the day, you HAVE to do what's best for you!

My surgeon has a family/friends day if people want to be educated on the process. It can be helpful.

Would you like to put your mom in a brown paper bag with my daughter? Since she is 49 and my older child, I tried to bring her into. the loop. Thought well this IS major surgery, maybe she would like to know. Promptly turned the coversation around to herself and her own troubles. That wasn't why I called, finally,called her by her first and middle name and said "Did you hear me? I am going to have major surgery in Columbus!" her answer "Whatever" Wished I'd called the Ohio National Guard instead, someone there might have expressed interest.
I said "Whatever back at you" and hung up. Guess I wanted to be closer to my own mother, her grandmother, than she wants to be to me.?

My father In law was like this, don’t get discouraged this is the best decision I’ve made and I encourage you to do the same eventually she will see for herself what a great person you are, how happy you are and that you are doing this to improve your health. This is your decision nobody should have a say in this

It's unfortunate, but we can't control how other people react--only what decisions we make for ourselves. I don't know what my mother's reaction would have been; she was iron-willed and cut down on her food if she noticed she was up a pound in weight. I'm obviously not like that! But I know this was a good--and necessary--decision for me. You are making the same good decision, I think, but everyone in your life might not agree. You never know who will be supportive until you tell them, though. You might find support in surprising places.

Edited April 28, 20188 yr by XYZXYZXYZ1955

I hate to say this but this is your life, not your mothers.

Many people change their ideas and feelings on weight loss when they see these people succeed.

Try not to cry but use her dislike as motivation and show her that you got this. Stay strong

My mother .. was against it ... but is not like I ask her. I just let her know to come help me with the kids..she would tell me I was gonna regretted and blah blah blah exercise. I just knew what I have done to loose it before choosing a knife.. so that flew from one ear to the next one.

80% of my family is like this. A lot of it stems from misinformation and ignorance. At the end of the day, you HAVE to do what's best for you!
My surgeon has a family/friends day if people want to be educated on the process. It can be helpful.

My mom came with me to the seminar and my consult with the doctor....let’s just say...it didn’t help AT ALL, she’s pretty much stuck in her ways. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place because I cannot imagine having a procedure like this and not informing her. I mean I would eventually tell her post op....Lucky for me she lives in California and I live in Maryland so she wouldn’t know...it’s just doing it secretly kills me

I hate to say this but this is your life, not your mothers.
Many people change their ideas and feelings on weight loss when they see these people succeed.
Try not to cry but use her dislike as motivation and show her that you got this. Stay strong

I guess I’ve kinda always sought her approval...but now that I’m older I realize how damaging this has been to me. I’m gonna get the sleeve, even if I have to keep it a secret from her for some time because like you said it’s my life to live!

My mom came with me to the seminar and my consult with the doctor....let’s just say...it didn’t help AT ALL, she’s pretty much stuck in her ways. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place because I cannot imagine having a procedure like this and not informing her. I mean I would eventually tell her post op....Lucky for me she lives in California and I live in Maryland so she wouldn’t know...it’s just doing it secretly kills me

I live in MD too. My moms a nurse. I told her about it, asked if she'd be supportive. She said no and I've moved on. I respect and value her, but I can't let her negativity regarding this surgery hinder me [emoji57]

My mom did not approve at first either. She assumes that every case of weight loss surgery is what she sees on my 600 pound life. I started at a BMI of 37 and she just couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that I would lose weight slower and not end up malnourished and too thin. Now that I’ve had the surgery, she is excited to see where it takes me. Of course, she is still fearful of complications and I understand that.


Age: 37
Height: 5’6
BMI: 37
VSG: 4/16/18
GW: 160
MFP: Fit4LifeAR

If I lived my life based on the feedback I get from family and friends about my life decisions either I'd have killed myself or killed all of them, a long time ago.

Justifiable family-cide, if not I'll go for an insanity plea cause they done made me crazy like most of them are!???????

She will come around afterwards. it is frightening to do something without mama's approval because mama is usually right through out our lives, so I understand. But if your doctors have told you that you need this surgery for your health then find people that can support you in your decision and lean on them for now. When mama comes around be ready to accept her back with open arms. She is just worried about her baby that is all.

Edited April 28, 20188 yr by Beta98

My mom was terrified of the surgery. She's a master in the art of worrying and guilt. LOL.

So, heading into it...I made a point not to bring it up too much or expect her support because I know her anxiety is tough for her.

After surgery, she became incredibly encouraged about it and has cheered me on.

Sometimes, with people who love us....fear and anxiety can play into their ability to support an elective surgery.

Just sayin.

In a perfect world....all of our people would have our back....but people feel how they feel.

Ultimately, it's our responsibility to make the best choices we can for ourselves...with or without their blessing.

3 hours ago, elforman said:

If I lived my life based on the feedback I get from family and friends about my life decisions either I'd have killed myself or killed all of them, a long time ago.

I needed that comment today, thanks! I've been living like a nomad for the past six months and I had to explain to my brother, AGAIN, that I need to get back to my former stomping grounds so I can be near my doctors. Seriously, is that so hard to understand??