I have been working my entire life. Babysitting from the age of 12. Full time at Dairy Queen starting at 16 while going to school. Non-stop ever since.

I was poor growing up - but had a great family life and didn't really know it. Everything I have today I owe to a strong work ethic. My kids are grown. DH and I are doing fine. I am still working full time, and also enjoying life a bit more nowadays.

So why do people act like I am a freakin' bank? Family, friends, it doesn't matter. People look at my home (which is kinda small for Texas), and my jewelry (lots of eBay and sales) and think I can loan them money, launch their businesses, etc.

I've paid for two complete dental makeovers for family members, because they needed it. I pay a lot to subsidize my mother's meager Soc Security so that she can live in a clean and healthy retirement home. I still give to my kids when they need something (although they are great and rarely ask anymore). But some people......

I have family members who think I am filthy rich. HA! I just don't have many bills anymore - I worked and PAID THEM OFF! Last night a friend (co-worker actually) contacted me and wanted me to finance TWO of his business ventures. One for $25k for day trading, and the other to finance his house-flipping plan. I was stunned. We are not family. I am not a bank.

How the he** do I politely respond to these ongoing requests, and maintain friendships with family and friends? I have smart family members who are stupid financially. I have bailed them out too many times, and never see a penny in return. For those I have always considered it a gift because I know it ain't coming back.

Anybody have any tips for me? I am not rich. I don't have enough money for retirement saved. And I HATE being mean or rude to anybody. I just want to find a good way to say no. You guys will probably think I am so lame, but I seriously needed to vent and appreciate any good advice on how to nicely say NO, I won't loan/give you any money (regardless of the sob story or get-rich-quick ideas).

Alternately, if you ARE going to loan out ther money, why don't you ACT like a bank? Tell them, "No problem, I charge 1.5% per month interest and you need to start repaying principal + interest beginning on the 2nd month." Then have them sign a simple IOU with the terms on it.

I can relate to this.

Regardless, the bank is now closed. I know when she's getting ready to hit me up because she begins calling me vs. emailing. She doesn't have the guts to ask for money and chickens out. So she'll call me again the next day and she's very nervous. In the past I've always known and I actually tried to make it easier on her by asking how finances are going. When I bring it up and when I offer it's much easier. She NEVER calls me, always emails. So when I start getting calls I know it's coming. By the time she asks she is desperate and needs it via Western Union. It's cheaper for me in the end to just offer it. WU is expensive.

Yeah you can relate. It is interesting how the communication changes when they want something. I can always tell when family is about to hit me up. One thing I am going to do is to send an email to all my sisters monthly asking for money to help pay Mom's bills - that should slow things down a bit.

Wasa, it sounds like your sister has serious problems and lending her money is only enabling her. A woman who can make a million bucks vanish up her nose cannot be helped by your love and generosity.

You know, before her "cocaine" comment I would have bet money drugs were not an issue for her. She works two full time jobs, nothing is getting repossessed, her teeth are fine, she doesn't weigh 98lbs, etc. Now, I don't know what to think. But this bank is closed.

I have a hunch her S/O of the time has a great deal of the money. I don't know for sure, that's my hunch.

Since you're not the bank you could always direct them to a certain bank and say you have heard that they have the best interest rates. That's what I do when people ask to borrow money from me.

I have a very good friend that wanted me to lend her money so she could buy a place she wanted to rent out as a vacation rental. I told her which bank in town had the lowest interest rates.

Since you're not the bank you could always direct them to a certain bank and say you have heard that they have the best interest rates. That's what I do when people ask to borrow money from me.

Hey, excellent idea! :clap2:

You know, before her "cocaine" comment I would have bet money drugs were not an issue for her. She works two full time jobs, nothing is getting repossessed, her teeth are fine, she doesn't weigh 98lbs, etc. Now, I don't know what to think. But this bank is closed.

I have a hunch her S/O of the time has a great deal of the money. I don't know for sure, that's my hunch.

dont be fooled by the way she looks. People do not have to look a certain way to be on drugs. if she does not use it constantly or if she just started using it she may not " look" like a drug user. Cocoaine generally does not make people look like a drug user for quite some time ..

HTH

Mindy

I'm there with you! My BF is slowly paying me back after moving her stuff from VA to TX over a year ago.

Then, my mother who never planned well and is very poor is always borrowing money for rent, then I'll come over and she's ordered a flat screen tv - on credit. Ugg! How do you tell your mother no, when she really is broke? It's to the point that if my daughter has money on her, I tell her NOT to tell Grandma, or my mother will ask her - a ten year old!

So, I hear you Chelle...

People can't stand on their own sometimes - they don't know how because we keep bailing them out. It's a vicious cycle.

I do have a good friend who is a very kind, creative and intelligent - he has 3 university degrees - man but he is also handicapped by schizophrenia. Along with this undeniable handicap he used to be entirely feckless with money and between the two of us we drifted into the habit where I would give him monthly loans which I always forgave out of my personal sense of guilt.

While I was doing this for him he was spending his (my) money wining and dining straight young men, he is gay, and skiving off his part-time job. (He also receives a pension.) Of course he knew that I would make up the difference. I finally realised that I was his enabler and that this was making me very angry for I was working hard for my money. This is when I told him that the money train had pulled out of the station.

And once his cash sources began to dry up he really did get his act together. Enough so that my mate and I do enjoy offering to help him out by paying for such things as his dial-up internet access, vet bills, etc.

Tell 'em you've got a gambling problem...... teehee

I have had similar problems to yours, Chelle. My mother died a couple of years ago and left me quite a lot of money. A number of my friends have found themselves up against it for various reasons and my husband and I have lent them money since we are now the rich ones in our gang. So far we haven't seen any money come back to us although one individual does mention that she is going to pay us back. As for the other two, no mention of the money!

As for why we have loaned money to these people, well, it is because we like them, we are in a good financial place, my husband is a kind and generous man, I used to be poor when I was young, and now I feel a little bit guilty about having a lot of cash when some of our friends have so little. It can be difficult to say no.

There's your answer Chelle, send 'em to green!! Just kidding!!! I couldn't resist!

We have issues with a friend of DH's always running himself short from payday to payday. Now the difference is, he does pay it back---faithfully on each payday---only to turn around a week later and borrow it back. He drinks a lot of his paycheck...so I figure someday he will lose this paycheck, but til then, DH keeps him going from one check to the next. It is never enough to make nor break us, I just get irritated by it. So I tend to stay out of it. He did ask once to borrow money for a car,and DH laughed at him---and he has never wanted more than the couple hundred he borrows and pays back every other week!!!

A niece ask once, and we knew we would never see it again, both of my DH's sisters kids, could not survive if his sisters did not supplement them regularly---so we knew we would never see it again. We told her we had everything tied up with a financial advisor, we could talk to him, but if we withdrew anything it would have to have a contract, and interest to satisfy him. She said no thanks and has never ask again.

My best friend had her SIL come to her to ask for money a few days ago, and ask her not to tell her brother---she is in deep with several of the payday loan people. My friend said she would help, but she would tell....just to let her know. They received a huge settlement from a work injury not long ago, and have all kinds of people asking for money----people expect it to be easy--and someone else can work for it.

Good Luck--I've enjoyed reading the responses!

Kat

Oregon is doing pretty well at putting those pay day loan places out of business. They passed some laws to regulate the interest rates.

Those places make me sick.