Family member not being supportive...

[Fluffie2006 17]

Lost story short, My mom is not being supportive of me having surgery. Honestly, it kind of sucks. My husband, sister, sister in law, brother in law, and best friend all are. I've only told them... but my mother is telling me I can lose the weight on my own. She knows how much I suffered with my weight all of my life... But she doesn't understand that PCOS, Endometriosis, Hypothyroid and Hypertension all cause Water weight/weight gain (idk if she just doesn't believe it?)... Do/Did you have a family member or friend who wasn't supportive?

[SwimT 11]

My husband wouldn’t even talk to me about surgery and I wasn’t sure he was even going to be there. The night before I finally asked him if he was going and he said yes. I was surprised. Since then it’s been hard because I still cook for him while I’m making broth for myself. I finally just decided this is for me and I don’t care who supports this. I have tried every diet and yo-yo’d and I am just finished with that! Good luck to you

Edited January 26, 2018 by SwimT

[Mattymatt 491]

41 minutes ago, Fluffie2006 said:

Lost story short, My mom is not being supportive of me having surgery. Honestly, it kind of sucks. My husband, sister, sister in law, brother in law, and best friend all are. I've only told them... but my mother is telling me I can lose the weight on my own. She knows how much I suffered with my weight all of my life... But she doesn't understand that PCOS, Endometriosis, Hypothyroid and Hypertension all cause Water weight/weight gain (idk if she just doesn't believe it?)... Do/Did you have a family member or friend who wasn't supportive?

In my experience, you aren't going to win over the naysayers and they have no bearing on your decision. You're doing this for you. The naysayers may come around when they see how healthy you've become or they may get jealous of your success. My father isn't supportive and I really don't give a damn one way or another. It's your health, your life, and your matter - no one else's. You are doing this for your quality of life.

[Losebig 508]

My mother wasn't super supportive, but it was because she was scared. We had a family member who had some bad experiences and didn't keep the weight off (she didn't stick to her plan at all and ended up having all kids of issues as a result). In the end she became much more supportive post surgery because the biggest risk had passed and she was able to accept it. Hopefully your mom is in this category.... The other category is harder and its tough to understand motivations (jealousy, fear?).

[Fluffie2006 17]

24 minutes ago, Losebig said:

My mother wasn't super supportive, but it was because she was scared. We had a family member who had some bad experiences and didn't keep the weight off (she didn't stick to her plan at all and ended up having all kids of issues as a result). In the end she became much more supportive post surgery because the biggest risk had passed and she was able to accept it. Hopefully your mom is in this category.... The other category is harder and its tough to understand motivations (jealousy, fear?).

I hope my mother turns around before or after. Maybe because it is a major surgery shes just being weird?.... But I have told her regardless if she supports me or not, I'm having it done for me, my health, and my future.

[Creekimp13 5,838]

I recently learned from my bestie that my husband...who was the most supportive person possible (and still is)....was a wreck during my surgery and didn't sleep the night before.

So often I think unsupportive people, particularly those who love us....are just incredibly scared. Especially people who are fearful of medical procedures themselves.

It might come out as nay-saying and nastiness....but I think the root is fear.

Edited January 26, 2018 by Creekimp13

[travelergirl 142]

My mother spent the first couple of months asking me over and over if I was sure and didn't I want to try and do it on my own. She never directly came out and said she thought it was a bad idea, but that was sure the message. It wasn't until a month or so before surgery that she switched on me. I never asked why but she became very supportive.
I agree that often it is fear behind the lack of support.

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[gkhtoys 19]

I'm in the same boat! Last night I learned that my brother and his wife are no longer supporting my decision to have the gastric sleeve surgery in March, 2018. I've been talking about getting this surgery for 2 years now! Maybe they didn't think I was serious but, I have to do this for ME and for my family! I want to 1) improve my 20+ medical issues, 2) take care of my husband as he ages and 3) for me to live long enough to see my grandchildren (someday)! I love my brother but, this surgery is not for his benefit...it's for mine. It's true that some people may regain their weight but, I'm willing to make a permanent change!

[kakatlady612 1,053]

Good girl, you're right its not for the nay-sayers its for you and you have very good reasons. Stick to your guns!

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[AGreenEyedWolf 97]

I told no one but my spouse and two friends until afterward... and then I told very few people for months. My husband was there but he wasn't super supportive... I also still cook for him and my son which is hard when I don't eat what they do. I'm a year post op, so I COULD eat some of the stuff they do and CHOOSE not to... to this day my husband makes comments like "then you shouldn't have had surgery" when I say I'm not eating the same thing he is because I avoid carbs like bread, rice, Pasta, etc. And when I posted my before/after photo on Facebook... which took me forever to be brave enough to do... he got irritated and said I wasn't telling everyone about my "cheating" by having surgery and was "lying" by making it seem like I worked hard when I "did no work at all"... he has NO idea what I've struggled through apparently, despite having been right here as I struggled for the last 12 years. I'm sure that's part of why we are getting a divorce. You can't please everyone and you have to do what's right for you whether everyone agrees with your decision or not. You get healthy and let that crap go in one ear and out the other.

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[Fluffie2006 17]

21 minutes ago, AGreenEyedWolf said:

I told no one but my spouse and two friends until afterward... and then I told very few people for months. My husband was there but he wasn't super supportive... I also still cook for him and my son which is hard when I don't eat what they do. I'm a year post op, so I COULD eat some of the stuff they do and CHOOSE not to... to this day my husband makes comments like "then you shouldn't have had surgery" when I say I'm not eating the same thing he is because I avoid carbs like bread, rice, Pasta, etc. And when I posted my before/after photo on Facebook... which took me forever to be brave enough to do... he got irritated and said I wasn't telling everyone about my "cheating" by having surgery and was "lying" by making it seem like I worked hard when I "did no work at all"... he has NO idea what I've struggled through apparently, despite having been right here as I struggled for the last 12 years. I'm sure that's part of why we are getting a divorce. You can't please everyone and you have to do what's right for you whether everyone agrees with your decision or not. You get healthy and let that crap go in one ear and out the other.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using BariatricPal mobile app

Im sorry you had to go through that with your husband. Thats sounds like my mother right now. May I message you a few questions?

[DRoseman 34]

I thought my husband was supportive too, but turns out, he's not. I've been discussing with him our finances and could we use all the money we have saved towards this urge and he got mad and started talking about we need that money fix the roof. Later, he went so far as to say that I need to stop thinking about myself all the time and think of others too.

DR Potential Sleever

[DRoseman 34]

I'm devastated, I finally chose my surgeon and thought that my life (and health) was going to change soon and for the better only to find out its going to take me another year to start from scratch to save up the money.

DR Potential Sleever

[XYZXYZXYZ1955 675]

If it's fear of the surgery, you can find the statistics on how relatively safe this surgery is (about like having your gall bladder out) or statistics on the health risks of obesity (or just list the stats on improvement of things like diabetes and blood pressure issues).

The problem, as many who haven't fought this fight don't know, is not in losing weight. We've all lost lots of weight! The problem is keeping it off--and while even those who have had surgery to help them do sometimes gain the weight back, those who have not had the surgery are almost certain to do so (it's something like 95 percent, seriously). I don't know the stats on what percentage who have had surgery regain, but I'll guarantee it's a lower percentage!

I've been reading a lot of posts on this site for a long time, and I haven't seen a single post, I don't think, from anyone doing this surgery out of vanity. Sure, we'd all like to look good, but we do this surgery for health issues and for--how to put it? To make life easier with issues such as sitting in airplane seats or going to amusement parks with their kids or walking or being respected at work or . . . well, there's a very long thread on the topic of why people decided to have the surgery.

You know your reasons and you're old enough to make the decision. I hope your mother comes around sooner rather than later or never, but either way . . . you have to do what's right for you.

Good luck!

[Jelly Belly 10]

I feel you. My mother thinks I can just diet. Why don't you just stop eating junk food? She doesn't understand it is more than that.