So I've been contemplating weight loss surgery for a while... back in January 2017 I went to the seminar,& then had a consultation with my surgeon... after the consultation I still needed some time to process things and decide if this was what I really wanted to do.. September 2017 I decided to move forward with the process.. had a second consultation with my surgeon and the process began..:: I'm currently doing my 6 supervised diet visit with the nutritionist(as required by my insurance) and surgery will be scheduled on the 4th visit... I haven't told anyone yet.. not my parents, my sister no one.. only because I feel like they wouldn't be supportive of my decision and I didn't want them to try and talk me out of it... I did however tell my God sister(who is already sleeved) and she actually referred me to her surgeon... once I get a surgery date I will tell them tho...... anyone else struggled or contemplated about telling their family about their decision to have wls???

Yes, i had the same contemplation. However i did tell my parents 3 days before my surgery. But i didnt tell anyone else at all. I am 8 days post-op and no one knows except my parents.

I actually told everyone straight away but my father would really rather me not get it. It can be discouraging so if you are absolutely certain you want to do it and feel like your family will try to change your mind keep it to yourself. You are an adult at the end of the day! It may cause upset if it comes out but atleast they won't have to worry about you in the days leading up to it

I wondered about this and then I decided to just tell. So my family and my 2 best friends know. I’ve had nothing but amazing support. I know that’s not always the case though.
I’m not going to announce it to anyone else but when I lose weight and they ask them I will tell.
Go on gut feel I reckon.
Best of luck to you on your amazing journey [emoji16]

My kids already talked me out of the surgery in 2016. Said I was taking the easy way out and that they wouldn't support me.......why have a life changing surgery when you can just do it yourself, blah blah blah.....

I'm having surgery in 5 weeks.....Just my friends know and my job...... I don't need the added stress and worry.

So I've been contemplating weight loss surgery for a while... back in January 2017 I went to the seminar,& then had a consultation with my surgeon... after the consultation I still needed some time to process things and decide if this was what I really wanted to do.. September 2017 I decided to move forward with the process.. had a second consultation with my surgeon and the process began..:: I'm currently doing my 6 supervised diet visit with the nutritionist(as required by my insurance) and surgery will be scheduled on the 4th visit... I haven't told anyone yet.. not my parents, my sister no one.. only because I feel like they wouldn't be supportive of my decision and I didn't want them to try and talk me out of it... I did however tell my God sister(who is already sleeved) and she actually referred me to her surgeon... once I get a surgery date I will tell them tho...... anyone else struggled or contemplated about telling their family about their decision to have wls???

My therapist put that he didn't think I had a support system and I got denied. I just found out yesterday. So be careful when you get the psych evaluation if you haven't gotten it yet!!


Best wishes!

Dotty Cole

My therapist put that he didn't think I had a support system and I got denied. I just found out yesterday. So be careful when you get the psych evaluation if you haven't gotten it yet!!


Best wishes!

Dotty Cole

Really, I have my psych visit tomorrow. Thanks for the heads up. Will you be able to resubmit again?

hi there. I'm a newbie but this topic is the most agonizing part of my decision to have a weight loss procedure done. And just like tahoegirl96118, I can't tell my family because they will not support me. What makes it worse for me is that I can't even tell my husband because he would never support that decision either. I will get the usual line of ,"You're not that big", and "Don't you think that is a bit extreme, you can lose weight by exercising and eating right." If losing weight were that easy then we wouldn't have an obesity epidemic! This is probably why I was contemplating getting the endoscopic sleeve because there are no incisions and it is done as an outpatient procedure. This decision is scary enough let alone dealing with critical haters. I hope I can pull this off. I am honestly not sure how at all. Has anyone actually been able to get any procedure done without telling anyone? Please give me advice guys!!

hi there. I'm a newbie but this topic is the most agonizing part of my decision to have a weight loss procedure done. And just like tahoegirl96118, I can't tell my family because they will not support me. What makes it worse for me is that I can't even tell my husband because he would never support that decision either. I will get the usual line of ,"You're not that big", and "Don't you think that is a bit extreme, you can lose weight by exercising and eating right." If losing weight were that easy then we wouldn't have an obesity epidemic! This is probably why I was contemplating getting the endoscopic sleeve because there are no incisions and it is done as an outpatient procedure. This decision is scary enough let alone dealing with critical haters. I hope I can pull this off. I am honestly not sure how at all. Has anyone actually been able to get any procedure done without telling anyone? Please give me advice guys!!

This is really hard for you. Afterwards you will be on quite a different diet and I think it becomes obvious. Also what if you had complications and ended up in ICU. It’s a major operation. I’m in Australia so this would never be done as outpatient. I really feel for you.
Also I guess the question is ... why do you need your husbands permission. But I do understand that it is really difficult.
I did know one girl who told her husband it was a hernia repair. He dropped her off and picked her up and still thinks to this day that she’s lost weight because she can’t eat properly after the hernia repair. Same sort of recovery see.
I still think it would be good to have your husbands support if anything went wrong though. I really do.

My therapist put that he didn't think I had a support system and I got denied. I just found out yesterday. So be careful when you get the psych evaluation if you haven't gotten it yet!!

Best wishes!

Dotty Cole

That's an awful lot of power to give a therapist. I would be livid. There are plenty of other sources of support, like local groups and online.

Thank you so much eden30. Your response was not only compassionate but so understanding. Thank you for not being judgmental and trying to give me advice about a very difficult decision. On the one hand I want to do this for me. My weight has been such a constant source of mental anguish for me. I realize that losing weight will not solve all of my problems but I think it would allow me to finally start living without this constant idea in my head that I need to be thinner and not achieving that no matter how much I deprive myself. I just feel like if my weight issue were resolved or at least ameliorated then I could focus on so many more important things I am blessed with. Whenever I go to the beach with my husband and children for example, I can't truly enjoy myself because I am so self conscious about how I look in my swimwear. I hate that feeling. When I was thinner, (like centuries ago), I didn't care so much about how I looked but more about enjoying any outing. I just think that this procedure, the endosleeve, might help me finally get to where I want to be, not super skinny, but healthy again. I want to be comfortable with my body and myself. Thanks again for the advice eden30! I'm so glad I joined this forum!!

Really, I have my psych visit tomorrow. Thanks for the heads up. Will you be able to resubmit again?

I get 2 chances to appeal. I think my best bet is to get a non-biased psych evaluation. I am waiting on the surgeons office to get back to me. The lady who handles everything doesn't communicate well or like to get back to me when I leave messages or send emails. I contacted the office manager today, so hopefully this will resolve the communication issue. I want to see what they say to do.


Best wishes!

Dotty Cole

Thank you so much eden30. Your response was not only compassionate but so understanding. Thank you for not being judgmental and trying to give me advice about a very difficult decision. On the one hand I want to do this for me. My weight has been such a constant source of mental anguish for me. I realize that losing weight will not solve all of my problems but I think it would allow me to finally start living without this constant idea in my head that I need to be thinner and not achieving that no matter how much I deprive myself. I just feel like if my weight issue were resolved or at least ameliorated then I could focus on so many more important things I am blessed with. Whenever I go to the beach with my husband and children for example, I can't truly enjoy myself because I am so self conscious about how I look in my swimwear. I hate that feeling. When I was thinner, (like centuries ago), I didn't care so much about how I looked but more about enjoying any outing. I just think that this procedure, the endosleeve, might help me finally get to where I want to be, not super skinny, but healthy again. I want to be comfortable with my body and myself. Thanks again for the advice eden30! I'm so glad I joined this forum!!

I think it would be a really great surgery for you. Have you thought about writing your husband a letter. I know that sounds funny but often I think we get to say everything when writing things down without being interrupted. I wonder if you really explained how you feel .... like I love you and I need your support... coming from a place of love and not anger. I wonder if that would flick a switch. Love often flicks the switches eh. Whatever happens I really hope you get what you need. Let us know. I’m barracking for ya xx

That's an awful lot of power to give a therapist. I would be livid. There are plenty of other sources of support, like local groups and online.

I talked to my therapist today. He apologized and now he is going to call my insurance company and clarify. He was really bothered that he caused the denial. I am also getting a non biased psych evaluation from someone who actually specializes in those types of evaluations just in case.


Best wishes!

Dotty Cole

hi there. I'm a newbie but this topic is the most agonizing part of my decision to have a weight loss procedure done. And just like tahoegirl96118, I can't tell my family because they will not support me. What makes it worse for me is that I can't even tell my husband because he would never support that decision either. I will get the usual line of ,"You're not that big", and "Don't you think that is a bit extreme, you can lose weight by exercising and eating right." If losing weight were that easy then we wouldn't have an obesity epidemic! This is probably why I was contemplating getting the endoscopic sleeve because there are no incisions and it is done as an outpatient procedure. This decision is scary enough let alone dealing with critical haters. I hope I can pull this off. I am honestly not sure how at all. Has anyone actually been able to get any procedure done without telling anyone? Please give me advice guys!!

As soon as me and my doctor started discussing the possibility of having bariatric surgery I knew my family would be dead set against it! Although I knew they wouldn’t agree I also knew it would be impossible to keep it from my husband. So, I told him and my best friend. I explained to them why I didn’t want to tell my parents, sisters and kids and swore them to secrecy. Now, I’m am two weeks away from surgery so the idea of telling the rest of my family has become a huge burden. But I’m okay. Some may see it as a cowards way out, but last weekend i took the time to write each of them a letter; I wrote one to my parents, my sisters then my children, which I forwarded to my best friend and on the day of surgery as I’m going into the OR she will send them out. Imagine your family is filled with some very strong willed and opinionated folks like mine LOL! I can understand why you wouldn’t want to share with them but I think you should find at least one person I found a lot of support from a coworker (she’s even doing the liquid diet with me, she’s the best) - u need that someone in your corner because this process is very stressful and having someone there alongside you will be very beneficial.

Well thanks so much 1badassbiggurl as I thought I was the only one out there who was trying to keep this from my family. There are so many in this forum who have a lot of support and although I am very happy for them, I can’t help but feel like their experiences are going to differ so much from mine if I go forward with this. I’m not saying they’ll have it easy at all but it helps to have someone in your corner. Yes just like you I also have very strongewilled and opinionated people in my family who would never understand how much of a struggle it is everyday. Their solution would be: work harder to lose the weight or live like that for the rest of your life. Sadly, if I could do either then I wouldn’t be on this forum, right? I do agree I need to tell someone to help me through this time but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m leaning towards perhaps a close friend but I’m still in the process of thinking about having it done. I haven’t scheduled anything yet. I like your idea of the letters which another member on the forum, eden30, suggested would be the best way to tell my husband. She suggests that writing out your feelings is better because when you write you usually write from a place of love not anger. I also think it is easier to express how you really feel on paper. I find it intimidating when you are face to face. Either way I must find a way to do this and I am so lucky that I found this forum because your kindness and encouragement keep me believing that I can do this. Thanks for the support and great suggestions. I hope eden30 is also reading this because she is another source of encouragement for me. Please let us know how your procedure goes in two weeks 1badassbiggurl. Keep us posted on how your family reacts also. Eden30, how is your progress? I hope you are continuing to lose and keeping up your energy. Thanks again all!