DISCLAIMER: I believe that everyone has a right to privacy, and this includes whether or not to tell anyone about having WLS. My question below is merely for debate and discussion.

Now that I have that out of the way, I want to pose a question. In situations where someone wants to keep their surgery a "secret," does that support some people's belief that WLS is something to be ashamed of? I'm just curious. I, of course, don't believe that it is anything to be ashamed of, but I could see how someone narrow-minded enough to believe that WLS is a "quick fix" or "easy way out" could leap to that conclusion in that situation.

I'm just curious about what others think about this situation. And again, tell or don't tell -- that is each person's personal prerogative.

I was planning on telling everyone when it got close to my surgery date but at the last second opted not to. Only my immediate family, work, and a few close friends knew that I was having it. My main reason is that Facebook is such a cesspool at times I didn't want to deal with the people that would say it's too risky, you don't really need it, blah blah blah. Towards the end I was second guessing myself a lot on whether I wanted to go through with the surgery, but I knew it was what was best for me. So maybe part of my backing out of telling people was because I was afraid they would talk me out of it.

I'm 3 weeks out and still haven't made any sort of formal announcement to people. This weekend I plan on saying something. Mainly because I'm down about 40 lbs since I've seen most people and I don't want people to think I'm sick or anything.

It probably comes down to the general ignorance of people. I get so tired of people that just say it takes will power and exercise. It's like somebody that doesn't understand what being an alcoholic is like and telling somebody "just stay out of bars and you'll be fine!" They don't understand the core of the problem in our battles with weight. Those types will never change. Maybe that's the real reason - I'd hate to know good friends or family are that ignorant...lol

I'm still pre-op, but I've only told a handful of people closest to me. I haven't decided yet whether I'll be open about it or keep it a secret.

I don't feel having surgery is shameful, but I am ashamed of myself reaching the point where surgery is necessary. Does that make sense? I'm ashamed that I didn't have the will power to stop myself from reaching this weight.

Now, I know I need to look to the future and do what is best for me (and by extension, my family) and that means surgery. I believe it is the only way to get my weight under control.

I don't know, but I tell EVERYONE about my surgery. I told family. Friends. Coworkers. I tell literal strangers on the street about my surgery, if weight loss or exercise comes up in conversation. I obviously am not ashamed of it, or my need for it, and I think it's really important to tell people about it so it's something heard about in regular conversation -- so that it becomes normalized, and not stigmatized.

1 minute ago, Brandeis said:

I don't know, but I tell EVERYONE about my surgery. I told family. Friends. Coworkers. I tell literal strangers on the street about my surgery, if weight loss or exercise comes up in conversation. I obviously am not ashamed of it, or my need for it, and I think it's really important to tell people about it so it's something heard about in regular conversation -- so that it becomes normalized, and not stigmatized.

I'm the same way, and I agree with you 100%. I know others on here have the opposite opinion, and are quite passionate about their viewpoint. I've been wanting to pose this question on here for a while now, so I am looking forward to the various perspectives.

Just now, blizair09 said:

I'm the same way, and I agree with you 100%. I know others on here have the opposite opinion, and are quite passionate about their viewpoint. I've been wanting to pose this question on here for a while now, so I am looking forward to the various perspectives.

you're looking great, btw!! congrats!!!!

When did tell people? As soon as you got a date, right before, after?

And what sort of reception have you gotten?

I'm just over a week post-op and I haven't told anyone. It's not that I'm ashamed of the surgery, I'm just a very private person and don't generally overshare with anyone. That said, there are some very negative people I do not want to share this with, so if and when I do tell people it will be a select few.

I too have no issues telling anyone. I know that there may be some that will, and have had a negative viewpoint on it, however I remind that the path I have taken over the past 20 years which included multiple swings of weight loss but still resulted in higher BP, cholesterol, Apnia, back pain, low energy, early stage diabetes...I also share that this was/is not a quick fix but another tool for me to finally stay consistent and become a healthier individual.

Of course, they can agree to disagree but at the end of the day I have done what was in MY best interest & lovin it!

I'm just over a week post-op and I haven't told anyone. It's not that I'm ashamed of the surgery, I'm just a very private person and don't generally overshare with anyone. That said, there are some very negative people I do not want to share this with, so if and when I do tell people it will be a select few.

Hi big! How you feeling?

I'd say great, but it's clear that I am in the beginning stages of a cold (dry cough, sniffles, general fatigue) - and all on my first day back in Japan too! But I'm down almost 30 pounds since starting my pre-op diet on Jan 16th, although most of that was pre-surgery (only 5 pounds down since surgery). I can definitely see it in my face, and my hands and feet oddly enough, but not really anywhere else so far. I just realised that I lost in 1 month what took 3 years to gain. I feel like I'm travelling back in time - "the last time I was this weight was in _____." If anything, that will help me figure out what clothes to go fishing for as I lose weight.

I wonder how noticeable it will be when I go back to work and/or when people will feel the need to say something to me about it.

6 hours ago, biginjapan said:

I'd say great, but it's clear that I am in the beginning stages of a cold (dry cough, sniffles, general fatigue) - and all on my first day back in Japan too! But I'm down almost 30 pounds since starting my pre-op diet on Jan 16th, although most of that was pre-surgery (only 5 pounds down since surgery). I can definitely see it in my face, and my hands and feet oddly enough, but not really anywhere else so far. I just realised that I lost in 1 month what took 3 years to gain. I feel like I'm travelling back in time - "the last time I was this weight was in _____." If anything, that will help me figure out what clothes to go fishing for as I lose weight.

I wonder how noticeable it will be when I go back to work and/or when people will feel the need to say something to me about it.

Congratulations on your surgery and weight loss so far!! I can't wait to pull out some of those clothes from the back on the closest!

Your last sentence about how noticeable it will be to others is something I really wonder about. Telling family and close friends is one thing, but I don't really want to have to explain to people all day, every day, for months at work. I work in a hospital where everyone knows me and will notice (and comment on) weight loss.

Yeah, I wonder how it'll be for me here in Japan. Japanese are surprisingly honest with each other (friends/family) about perceived fatness and other medical issues, but at the same time don't want to embarrass you when you fully own up to your fatness (oh no - you look good! - says the 100lb girl who wants to lose more weight). I know I'll probably get some comments, but I imagine most won't push too hard about the details. The other foreigners I work with, on the other hand....we'll see.

1 hour ago, 1poundatatime said:

Congratulations on your surgery and weight loss so far!! I can't wait to pull out some of those clothes from the back on the closest!

Your last sentence about how noticeable it will be to others is something I really wonder about. Telling family and close friends is one thing, but I don't really want to have to explain to people all day, every day, for months at work. I work in a hospital where everyone knows me and will notice (and comment on) weight loss.

I am just the opposite. I have a work function in Florida this coming week, and I am really looking forward to all of the "oohing and ahhing" from colleagues who haven't seen me since before I started this journey last March. I mean, I've lost almost 175 pounds, so it will be a topic of conversation. And I will acknowledge the surgery (after I acknowledge the 100 pounds I lost during my pre-op diet program) as a tool that has helped me to be successful. That way we Celebrate my success and educate about WLS all at the same time.

I'm still pre-op, but I've only told a handful of people closest to me. I haven't decided yet whether I'll be open about it or keep it a secret.
I don't feel having surgery is shameful, but I am ashamed of myself reaching the point where surgery is necessary. Does that make sense? I'm ashamed that I didn't have the will power to stop myself from reaching this weight.
Now, I know I need to look to the future and do what is best for me (and by extension, my family) and that means surgery. I believe it is the only way to get my weight under control.

I feel I could have written this. So far I've only told close family and will tell a couple of close friends. Surgery in 2 weeks.

On 2/17/2017 at 4:41 PM, 1poundatatime said:

When did tell people? As soon as you got a date, right before, after?

And what sort of reception have you gotten?

I didn't actually tell many people until after I had my surgery -- but that's because I had a HUGE run-around with my insurance, and I was feeling EXTREMELY superstitious that it would end up not happening. T___T

But as soon as it was done, I told my mom she could tell some of the more gossip-y family members and it got around to everyone. And the first day of purees I actually went out to dinner with a big ole group of my friends and they were like uhhh why can't you eat? so that came out. Generally, they've all been really awesome! There are a few who seemed a bit confused by it, but as of now I've lost almost 70 pounds [25 pre-op] and so it's really hard for them to be anything BUT excited for me, I think!