Hello All,

I am 38 years old.

Married with 2 kids, a 5 year old and a 3 year old.

I am 6 feet 1 inches tall

I currently weigh 420 pounds

I have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, fatty liver disease, chronic joint pain, chronic lower back pain, and I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder.

I have felt suicidal about my weight.

I feel like I cannot lose weight.

I have a consultation with a bariatric surgeon in 3 weeks.

I don't really want major, life altering surgery but I don't want to be this heavy either.

I am scared to be put under anesthesia, I have anxiety about it.

I just don't know what to do.

I feel hopeless.

I would like to lose the weight naturally, I just don't know if I can.

Thank you

This surgery could be life changing for you.... But I would start seeing a therapist first.... The surgery can also cause a little depression with all the changes afterwards . Just make sure you are ready mentally.

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Hang in there! I know from experience that looking at the overall picture can be an overwhelming load to bear. I was on the fence about it several times over many years. At one point, I decided that it was not for me. I blogged for almost 7 years about trying to lose weight and that didn't get me anywhere.

Last year, my dad died at 59 years old because he failed to take care of himself. He was diabetic and early on he wouldn't take his oral meds, then refused insulin, and when he kidneys started failing he would only do dialysis when he wanted. Eventually, he decided that despite being retired and living a life with no real time requirements, he would rather be dead than receive treatment. His death certificate said diabetes/kidney failure, but I tell everyone that he died from failure. Failure to do what he needed to do to survive.

After he passed, I was angry. I asked my husband, "Why would someone not do what they needed to survive, why would someone choose to let themselves die and not do any possible thing imaginable to live?" He didn't have an answer for me, but later that evening as I looked at myself in the literal mirror, I thought aren't you one to question? I went to a seminar 3 weeks later and met with the surgeon a week after that. I went through 6 months of supervised weight loss and jumped through their hoops. I had my procedure on 10/26/2016 and I am down 60lbs.

My hinderance came from a place of fear, I stopped myself from doing what I should've done all along. I have no fear about the procedure on this side. I'm excited about life again. I'm getting to a place where I believe in myself and I have less fear in general.

The decision to have WLS is very personal. You will make the right decision for you. I have no regrets. Best decision I have ever made for my health.

If you want to read through 7 years of failure, you're welcome www.lifeinsidetheblubbersarcophagus.blogspot.com.

Edited January 16, 20179 yr by Chrmow

This surgery could be life changing for you.... But I would start seeing a therapist first.... The surgery can also cause a little depression with all the changes afterwards . Just make sure you are ready mentally.

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I agree with this 100%. I was seeing a therapist many years prior to surgery. I NEVER knew how mentally draining this surgery could be and I've had 2 c-sections. I'm also 38 with a 4 and 2 year old. I had surgery on 12/22/16 and though everyday I feel a bit better, there are some days I cry because I just want to feel normal again.

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I have a friend who is tossing the idea back and forth - she says she's scared that something will happen to her on the operating table....because of her weight. I ask - aren't afraid something will happen to you because you're not taking care of it? She's my best friend and so I can tell her that.

Understand that the process that leads up to surgery is one filled with many, many, many tests. Cardiologist to make sure your heart can withstand the surgery, pulmonologist to make sure your lungs can withstand the surgery, gastric guy - psychologist and I think I'm forgetting another one. Not to mention the series of blood work you get.

Rest assured that if the doctor's didn't think your body and organs could withstand the surgery, they would reject you. I think the most important thing is finding a surgeon you are comfortable with.

You will make the best decision for YOU and your family. Whatever you decide, most people on this forum are a great support!

Hi Walter,

I haven't had my surgery yet, so you can take this with a grain of salt if you wish.

The odds of you losing weight (and keeping it off) the so-called "natural" way is almost zero. A lot of people say you have a less than 5% chance of keeping the weight off non-surgically, but I've read other studies were the odds were worse than that - 0.015% for women, and for men it's closer to 0.001% (sorry, I can't find the study now, but I'll try to look for it). The human body, for whatever reason, will fight you tooth and nail to stay fat, if you are obese. The best book I've read so far about this is by Dr. Robert Lustig, called Fat Chance. If you prefer YouTube, my favourite videos about all things related to bariatric surgery are by Dr. Matthew Weiner. He explains things very well. You might also want to watch this HBO special, called The Weight of the Nation. If you want to see the effects of how bariatric surgery can help obese people, there's a great series out of the UK also on YouTube called Fat Doctor which focuses on real people struggling with obesity, and doesn't have the Jerry Springer-like feel of some of the U.S.-based shows.

You say you are worried about the surgery, but honestly, for most people, the odds of anything happening to you are about the same as having gall bladder surgery or an appendectomy. And those are pretty routine surgeries. But remember - if you stay the weight that you are, any surgery will be a risk, as it is for all people who struggle with obesity. You listed quite a number of conditions that you suffer from -- two questions to ask yourself is, 1) do you want to keep suffering from them and know that they will only get worse with time? and 2) what odds are better for you, in terms of being around for your family - staying morbidly obese, or having the surgery and be given a real chance to not only lose weight, but to keep it off? Sorry to be blunt, but there it is.

Is this a big decision? Of course it is. Could there be complications? Yes, but that's true of any surgery. However, I think most people who have had the surgery will say it was the best decision they ever made, and that they wish they had done it sooner. For whatever reason, sleeve or bypass (not lapband, which few surgeons do anymore do to low success rates and other problems) "resets" the body in many ways - within 24 hours to a few weeks to a few months after surgery, people may no longer be diabetic, get off high blood pressure or cholesterol meds, have no hunger to fight against (some forever, but most regain some sort of hunger pangs within a year and a half of surgery), and there can be major changes to your metabolism. Your taste buds will probably change, and you may find that certain foods that you used to like will no longer appeal to you after you've had surgery. Of course, there can be some negative side effects too, like food restrictions and gerd and dumping syndrome, needing gall bladder surgery, some depression (immediately after surgery, but I haven't come across any long-term stats about that), and sometimes addiction transfer (for example, changing your food addiction to something like alcohol addiction).

I would really recommend to write down a list of all your concerns and talk about them with your surgeon. Finding a therapist would probably also help. I don't know where you are (I'm assuming the U.S.) so if you have insurance I'm sure you'll have to jump through a few hoops in order to qualify for the surgery, but that can be a good thing, as it gives you time to deal with your fears/concerns before having the surgery.

Whenever I get worried about anything, my motto is: think of the solution, not the problem. I find it really helps to get my mind out of the self-defeating loop that will make the problem seem bigger than it is. In this case, I think educating yourself about the surgery, about anesthesia, etc. will help you feel better (or not) about having the surgery done. Good luck.

Hi Walter,

I haven't had my surgery yet, so you can take this with a grain of salt if you wish.

The odds of you losing weight (and keeping it off) the so-called "natural" way is almost zero. A lot of people say you have a less than 5% chance of keeping the weight off non-surgically, but I've read other studies were the odds were worse than that - 0.015% for women, and for men it's closer to 0.001% (sorry, I can't find the study now, but I'll try to look for it). The human body, for whatever reason, will fight you tooth and nail to stay fat, if you are obese. The best book I've read so far about this is by Dr. Robert Lustig, called Fat Chance. If you prefer YouTube, my favourite videos about all things related to bariatric surgery are by Dr. Matthew Weiner. He explains things very well. You might also want to watch this HBO special, called The Weight of the Nation. If you want to see the effects of how bariatric surgery can help obese people, there's a great series out of the UK also on YouTube called Fat Doctor which focuses on real people struggling with obesity, and doesn't have the Jerry Springer-like feel of some of the U.S.-based shows.

You say you are worried about the surgery, but honestly, for most people, the odds of anything happening to you are about the same as having gall bladder surgery or an appendectomy. And those are pretty routine surgeries. But remember - if you stay the weight that you are, any surgery will be a risk, as it is for all people who struggle with obesity. You listed quite a number of conditions that you suffer from -- two questions to ask yourself is, 1) do you want to keep suffering from them and know that they will only get worse with time? and 2) what odds are better for you, in terms of being around for your family - staying morbidly obese, or having the surgery and be given a real chance to not only lose weight, but to keep it off? Sorry to be blunt, but there it is.

Is this a big decision? Of course it is. Could there be complications? Yes, but that's true of any surgery. However, I think most people who have had the surgery will say it was the best decision they ever made, and that they wish they had done it sooner. For whatever reason, sleeve or bypass (not lapband, which few surgeons do anymore do to low success rates and other problems) "resets" the body in many ways - within 24 hours to a few weeks to a few months after surgery, people may no longer be diabetic, get off high blood pressure or cholesterol meds, have no hunger to fight against (some forever, but most regain some sort of hunger pangs within a year and a half of surgery), and there can be major changes to your metabolism. Your taste buds will probably change, and you may find that certain foods that you used to like will no longer appeal to you after you've had surgery. Of course, there can be some negative side effects too, like food restrictions and gerd and dumping syndrome, needing gall bladder surgery, some depression (immediately after surgery, but I haven't come across any long-term stats about that), and sometimes addiction transfer (for example, changing your food addiction to something like alcohol addiction).

I would really recommend to write down a list of all your concerns and talk about them with your surgeon. Finding a therapist would probably also help. I don't know where you are (I'm assuming the U.S.) so if you have insurance I'm sure you'll have to jump through a few hoops in order to qualify for the surgery, but that can be a good thing, as it gives you time to deal with your fears/concerns before having the surgery.

Whenever I get worried about anything, my motto is: think of the solution, not the problem. I find it really helps to get my mind out of the self-defeating loop that will make the problem seem bigger than it is. In this case, I think educating yourself about the surgery, about anesthesia, etc. will help you feel better (or not) about having the surgery done. Good luck.

Thank you for your response. That is one thing that worries me, even if I could lose the weight on my own would I be able to keep it off long term.

I have been saying I wanted Gastric Sleeve for the past 2 years and my wife has been opposed to it. She thinks I am too much of a food addict to be able to get approved for it or to be successful if I did get approved for it. She met with the surgeon last week and is setting the steps in motion for her to get the sleeve. I am just scared that I could die while under anesthesia.

So your wife wants the sleeve for herself, but not for you?

If food addiction is a major concern (and it is for many), getting counselling or joining a group would probably be the first step to deal with it. As mentioned earlier, one issue that could happen is transferring one addiction for another - so I would definitely work on that.

So your wife wants the sleeve for herself, but not for you?

If food addiction is a major concern (and it is for many), getting counselling or joining a group would probably be the first step to deal with it. As mentioned earlier, one issue that could happen is transferring one addiction for another - so I would definitely work on that.

We are both morbidly obese, she has been opposed to weight loss surgery for either of us. Recently she had to do a liver detox diet and she did great for like 15 days out of the 21 she was supposed to do. Then she fell off the wagon and ate really bad. That is when she decided she can't do it alone. She is now on board for both of us to get gastric sleeve. She already had her appointment, mine is about 3 weeks.

Our insurance has a 6 month waiting period.

I am a recovering alcoholic and have been sober for 9 years, but my addiction has manifested into food addiction.

That is why my wife and other family members do not think it would work for me because I am an addict.

Food is literally like a drug to me.

I'm only 3 1/2 months out, so my experience with sleeve is limited. My experience with dieting is not. I started young and was *never* able to lose more than a few pounds. The weight always came back and usually brought friends.

The deck was kind of stacked against me - as it is for many. Severe food allergies (almost all veggies and some fruits) meant I was chronically malnourished. Severe hay fever limited those easy outdoor walks and bike rides. Skin allergies, eczema, and asthma meant even indoor exercise was challenging. As an adult I sought medical help, traditional and alternative, but I was already broken - overweight and clinically depressed with a trashed metabolism and busted joints. And my weight kept going up.

Fortunately about 20 years ago (after wrecking my personal life, too) I ended up marrying one of my best friends. School, work, and two very difficult kids on the autism spectrum later, we've both put on far too much weight. Ten years of high stress and no sleep tend to do that even without help. I'd though about the band for years, but just didn't like the complications and my hands were full with therapy and homeschool. We tried to eat clean and healthy and be active, but at best we maintained.

Two years ago my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and it was officially too much. My kind-of-stable weight starting climbing; my blood pressure shot up; my blood sugar spiked; and my hormones went bonkers. I was 43 and my body had had all it could take. I had researched gastric sleeve off and on, but after spending time caring for him in the hospital and a year of watching him balk at all the doctors orders, I felt like Chrmow - why can't he just follow directions to care for himself? Followed by the awareness that I was doing the very same thing. I researched, prayed, and researched some more. My husband and I were both scared of complications, but math says the odds are no worse than a lot of other surgeries. And I had control over my own choices post-surgery and knew I could be compliant and follow directions, which can minimize post-op complications.

Surgery is scary and I've had plenty of minor non-surgical complications, but have healed really well. And the amazing thing is, for the first time in my life, I longer feel like I'm starving to death. I still have to make good food choices and I still have a long way to go, but I've lost 40 lbs since surgery and that really does help everything. The reduced weight on my joints means I'm able to do more physical therapy for my bad ankle and hip, for instance. The reduced stomach means I'm able to eat Protein and largely be done instead of looking for filler.

The therapist sounds like a great plan, for both evaluating "food addiction" and for monitoring/getting a handle on depression. I seem to be one of the few people who hadn't had "buyer's remorse" after surgery, but a) I did intense research into all aspects of the surgery; I had already dealt with a lot of food-as-comfort issues; and c) I'm 45 and was ready to really change. I've eaten enough pizza, cake, and Cookies for a lifetime and am largely fine with never being able to eat those things again. I've seen people on forums who freak out when they realize they'll never being able to eat a whole pizza again for comfort. I've seen the people who "can't" do liquid post op diet and try to eat steak a week after surgery. And I've seen people who realize they can still eat a box of crackers, do so, and can't seem to stop. Don't worry about the actual surgery itself -- worry about whether or not you're truly willing to change your life. Because the last few months have been life changing for me, but even at this point, it's a lot of work.

Having said that, my husband started doing Keto concurrent with my surgery, partially to support me and partially as his last ditch effort to not have to. He's lost as much weight as I have eating eggs, cheese, and grass fed meat - which was basically my pre-op liver shrink diet. Assuming you're medically capable, you can always try that first. The first week trying to get off sugar and carbs is really hard, but improves a lot after that. If you can handle that, it might help on its own. Or it might end up preparing you for surgical pre and post op diets.

I know - really mouthy for a total noob . But my big regret is not finding a way to do this ten years ago, when my kids were still little.

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Walter - I feel for you. I've suffered from clinical depression most of my life, and in addition to that, I've been a heavy drinker for at least the past 15 years, but never to the point of alcoholism (although pretty close to the edge I think). Being big has meant that I could always drink more than most everyone else. Plus, since I have few (non-alcoholic) drink choices here in Japan, it was always easy to end the day with a beer or two or six. It's like food for me - kind of either/or. If it's in the house, I'll eat/drink it - all of it. If it's not, I don't think about it. That said, I was mostly an everyday drinker. Over the years I've made a more concerted effort to be more healthy - stopping drinking completely for months at a time. I guess over the past 2 years I've gone a full year a without drinking, kind of 3 months off and 3 months on in a loop. Of course, I've completely stopped drinking in preparation for my surgery next month. I'm hoping that I never drink again afterwards - of course, because of issues with the sleeve, but also because I am afraid of addiction transference (not that I'm addicted to food - according to online tests) and I know once I start I may not be able to stop. I have no support here in Japan for it, so that is always at the back of my mind too.

I guess I understand your family's fears for you, but I would like to think that, with help, you'll be able to conquer your addictions, or transfer them to something completely unrelated - like taking up judo, or fishing, or cycling, or photography, or....

Walter - I feel for you. I've suffered from clinical depression most of my life, and in addition to that, I've been a heavy drinker for at least the past 15 years, but never to the point of alcoholism (although pretty close to the edge I think). Being big has meant that I could always drink more than most everyone else. Plus, since I have few (non-alcoholic) drink choices here in Japan, it was always easy to end the day with a beer or two or six. It's like food for me - kind of either/or. If it's in the house, I'll eat/drink it - all of it. If it's not, I don't think about it. That said, I was mostly an everyday drinker. Over the years I've made a more concerted effort to be more healthy - stopping drinking completely for months at a time. I guess over the past 2 years I've gone a full year a without drinking, kind of 3 months off and 3 months on in a loop. Of course, I've completely stopped drinking in preparation for my surgery next month. I'm hoping that I never drink again afterwards - of course, because of issues with the sleeve, but also because I am afraid of addiction transference (not that I'm addicted to food - according to online tests) and I know once I start I may not be able to stop. I have no support here in Japan for it, so that is always at the back of my mind too.

I guess I understand your family's fears for you, but I would like to think that, with help, you'll be able to conquer your addictions, or transfer them to something completely unrelated - like taking up judo, or fishing, or cycling, or photography, or....

I understand what you are saying.

Alcohol was my go to in order to escape.

I try to hit an AA meeting once a week.

I am coming up on 9 years sober and I am not tempted to drink, however I feel as though I am abusing food like I would abuse alcohol or drugs.

I am going to see the surgeon one week from today.

We will see what he has to say.

I am not sure I can pass the psyche evaluation in order to be clear for surgery.

I just want to get some weight off so badly, my quality of life is suffering.

I am tired all the time and my knees and lower back hurt constantly.

I'm only 3 1/2 months out, so my experience with sleeve is limited. My experience with dieting is not. I started young and was *never* able to lose more than a few pounds. The weight always came back and usually brought friends.

The deck was kind of stacked against me - as it is for many. Severe food allergies (almost all veggies and some fruits) meant I was chronically malnourished. Severe hay fever limited those easy outdoor walks and bike rides. Skin allergies, eczema, and asthma meant even indoor exercise was challenging. As an adult I sought medical help, traditional and alternative, but I was already broken - overweight and clinically depressed with a trashed metabolism and busted joints. And my weight kept going up.

Fortunately about 20 years ago (after wrecking my personal life, too) I ended up marrying one of my best friends. School, work, and two very difficult kids on the autism spectrum later, we've both put on far too much weight. Ten years of high stress and no sleep tend to do that even without help. I'd though about the band for years, but just didn't like the complications and my hands were full with therapy and homeschool. We tried to eat clean and healthy and be active, but at best we maintained.

Two years ago my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and it was officially too much. My kind-of-stable weight starting climbing; my blood pressure shot up; my blood sugar spiked; and my hormones went bonkers. I was 43 and my body had had all it could take. I had researched gastric sleeve off and on, but after spending time caring for him in the hospital and a year of watching him balk at all the doctors orders, I felt like Chrmow - why can't he just follow directions to care for himself? Followed by the awareness that I was doing the very same thing. I researched, prayed, and researched some more. My husband and I were both scared of complications, but math says the odds are no worse than a lot of other surgeries. And I had control over my own choices post-surgery and knew I could be compliant and follow directions, which can minimize post-op complications.

Surgery is scary and I've had plenty of minor non-surgical complications, but have healed really well. And the amazing thing is, for the first time in my life, I longer feel like I'm starving to death. I still have to make good food choices and I still have a long way to go, but I've lost 40 lbs since surgery and that really does help everything. The reduced weight on my joints means I'm able to do more physical therapy for my bad ankle and hip, for instance. The reduced stomach means I'm able to eat Protein and largely be done instead of looking for filler.

The therapist sounds like a great plan, for both evaluating "food addiction" and for monitoring/getting a handle on depression. I seem to be one of the few people who hadn't had "buyer's remorse" after surgery, but a) I did intense research into all aspects of the surgery; I had already dealt with a lot of food-as-comfort issues; and c) I'm 45 and was ready to really change. I've eaten enough pizza, cake, and Cookies for a lifetime and am largely fine with never being able to eat those things again. I've seen people on forums who freak out when they realize they'll never being able to eat a whole pizza again for comfort. I've seen the people who "can't" do liquid post op diet and try to eat steak a week after surgery. And I've seen people who realize they can still eat a box of crackers, do so, and can't seem to stop. Don't worry about the actual surgery itself -- worry about whether or not you're truly willing to change your life. Because the last few months have been life changing for me, but even at this point, it's a lot of work.

Having said that, my husband started doing Keto concurrent with my surgery, partially to support me and partially as his last ditch effort to not have to. He's lost as much weight as I have eating eggs, cheese, and grass fed meat - which was basically my pre-op liver shrink diet. Assuming you're medically capable, you can always try that first. The first week trying to get off sugar and carbs is really hard, but improves a lot after that. If you can handle that, it might help on its own. Or it might end up preparing you for surgical pre and post op diets.

I know - really mouthy for a total noob . But my big regret is not finding a way to do this ten years ago, when my kids were still little.

Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

Hello, thank you for all the input.

I like what you said about eating enough junk food for a lifetime. I was just saying the same thing to my wife. When is enough, enough when it comes to pizza and fast food? When will I be satisfied? I have eaten countless pizzas in my 38 years of life, when can I stop?

I have had surgeries before, I had my ACL reconstructed when I was 18 and I had carpal tunnel release on both hands when I was 35.

I never had a problem with anesthesia until I had a nervous breakdown in 2014.

I had to receive shock therapy, ECT, for my depression.

If you have time, check out ECT on Wikipedia it is fascinating.

You have to be put under anesthesia to receive the shock treatments and I had 30 sessions over six months.

That is when I developed a fear of anesthesia.

I hated being put under so many times.

Every time I was going under I would be praying that God would protect me and that I wouldn't die.

I think I still have PTSD from that experience as I am now terrified of being put under.

Check out my blog (themeiamnow.blogspot.com) there is lots of good info there about the whole process....the good, the bad, and the ugly. I tried to be as honest and straightforward as possible. It sounds like it might be a good option for you, but you have to feel comfortable with your decision. Let me know if you have questions and good luck to you!

@@Walter.Sobchak I understand your concern about addiction transference. One whole meeting with the nutritionist was on this subject. I would've never considered myself a food addict, because I didn't eat myself into oblivion and I ate normal size meals. I learned however, that I definitely used food to cope with my life. What I ate, when I allowed myself to snack...

The food addiction dawned on me when I realized that it made me feel different. That eating literally comforted me.

I understand your concerns. It may not be easy, but if it's something that you want, work towards it. No fear.

@@Walter.Sobchak I understand your concern about addiction transference. One whole meeting with the nutritionist was on this subject. I would've never considered myself a food addict, because I didn't eat myself into oblivion and I ate normal size meals. I learned however, that I definitely used food to cope with my life. What I ate, when I allowed myself to snack...

The food addiction dawned on me when I realized that it made me feel different. That eating literally comforted me.

I understand your concerns. It may not be easy, but if it's something that you want, work towards it. No fear.

I can relate, food is literally like a drug to me.

After a full work week, I want to reward myself with pizza and wings on a Friday night. Instead of getting drunk or high like I used to, now I want to EAT. I sometimes find myself fantasizing about what I am going to eat next. So, I am afraid I won't get approved for Gastric Sleeve.