I have been on this forum for about a year and a half. I have seen so many posts of people worrying about excess skin after weight loss. I find this to be incredibly trite and shallow, a roadblock thrown up in the mind to justify the subconscious reasons why we put on and hold the weight to begin with.

First of all, there are of course permanent consequences for getting so big that your skin has to stretch to be twice the size it would be if we were normal weight. It doesn't go back to a state in which it was as if we never were overweight. And so what? What is often unspoken in these forums is that a very overweight person worrying about how they are going to look if they lose weight because of sagging skin, is silly in a society in which obesity is considered ugly to begin with.

More importantly, most of us have the surgery because our bodies and lives were becoming unmanageable due to excess weight, not to look better at speed dating.

For those who are asking the question I have seen posted on this forum a million times, no your skin will not go back to being how it was before your weight gain. There is no cream, no wrap, no swanky magic that's going to make it be as if you were never overweight. The only real option for getting rid of excess skin if you are very overweight when you start, is plastic surgery.

And that comes with its own price. I am not knocking people who choose to have that, I might even choose that eventually, as vanity is one of my flaws. That said, plastic surgery is very very serious, and fairly savage. And still, your body cannot look like it would have if you had never put on weight. They will be scars. Big ones. Surgery of any kind is a serious injury to the body.

The point I am trying to make is that if you are considering having weight-loss surgery to save your life, stop worrying about your skin. Worry about the inner conditions that have led you to the point where this is necessary. Focus instead on changing your behaviors. Focus instead on health, not looks. We have such a distorted view of bodies in this country. Body diversity is beautiful! Stop thinking that you have to look a certain way. Be healthy. Be you.

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P.s. There is a lot of sensitivity in this thread lol. Getting support isn't always about getting a pat on the back. There are many other ways to show support that quite frankly different types of folks receive much better then getting coddled. You are going to see a bit of everything in a support group because different people need different things. Take what you need and leave the rest.

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Trivial and shallow were the words that caused the hurt so try to be kind How hard is that?☮️

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It's amazing to me how people assume that every comment is directed at them personally or expect that every thread here is started to support and encourage them. I stopped thinking the world evolved around me years ago.

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It's amazing to me how people assume that every comment is directed at them personally or expect that every thread here is started to support and encourage them. I stopped thinking the world evolved around me years ago.

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I don't know why you think I would think that!

Around the world 18,000 children died of STARVATION in the past hour the past hour and 21,000 children died of PREVENTABLE illness in past 24 hours. Meanwhile he r e on Bariatric Pals an endless parade of precious millennial snowflakes (and their rock puppets spend the whole day "debating" this nonsense.

Maybe it's time to start a Minnesota's only thread where you all can compete to see who is the biggest and best snowflake oall.f

This is not the victim olympics or a contest about who is allowed to hurt the most.

This is a WLS forum. So yes, people will delve deep into all manner of weight loss issues despite there being other things happening in the world. There is no need to marginalize or insult people for perfectly legitimate concerns, nor fall back into the tired old "millenial" generalization (which is one of the most inaccurate, backwards, ridiculous labels when you examine the facts).

BP is not a hugbox, but that isn't a moral imperative to be a jerk. Placating and justifying someone's bad decisions is not the same as having a little compassion for someone terrified of the after-effects of weight loss.

I don't view it as "trite" or "shallow" to be hesitant about weight loss due to excess skin. As women, we face a unique struggle in terms of our appearance. We are judged for what we are AND what we are not. We can feel unattractive and have rude comments made about our chubby cheeks, and be conversely nervous that we will have rude comments made about looking saggy, sallow-cheeked, and old (one of the biggest comments on the appearance of extreme weight loss folks is "they look so old now"). Yes, we all have health reasons, but I have a hard time believing many women who get WLS don't also crave feeling beautiful. In our society, beauty means power. Beauty means value. Beauty means avoiding the discrimination, bias, cruelty and dismissal that comes with inhabiting a large body. Should appearance mean these things? No. But that is the reality of the world we live in. We have all suffered so much under society's expectations of what we should and shouldn't look like, is it really a surprise people question the results?

So many of us have deep issues with body image and self-loathing. We are accustomed to viewing ourselves as undesireable. Surgery, hard work, pain, sweat, tears, only to fear that you will still hate the person staring back at you in the mirror? Terrified you will never find love? Worried that you'll go from a "big gal" that some men say they prefer, to a scarred and wrinkled mess that you fear is no one's preference?

That is not shallow. That is not trite. It is legitimate fear. And it can be overcome, but it takes work, time, love, and support. You don't need to kiss anyone's ass, placate, or justify anyone's delusions. You can always scroll past those threads. But damn, a little compassion wouldn't be remiss.

**Edit: Check the forums for how many threads contain "my spouse/partner says they won't find me attractive anymore if I lose weight."

Edited December 5, 20169 yr by BarrySue

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Around the world 18,000 children died of STARVATION in the past hour the past hour and 21,000 children died of PREVENTABLE illness in past 24 hours. Meanwhile he r e on Bariatric Pals an endless parade of precious millennial snowflakes (and their rock puppets spend the whole day "debating" this nonsense.

Maybe it's time to start a Minnesota's only thread where you all can compete to see who is the biggest and best snowflake oall.f

This is not the victim olympics or a contest about who is allowed to hurt the most.

This is a WLS forum. So yes, people will delve deep into all manner of weight loss issues despite there being other things happening in the world. There is no need to marginalize or insult people for perfectly legitimate concerns, nor fall back into the tired old "millenial" generalization (which is one of the most inaccurate, backwards, ridiculous labels when you examine the facts).

BP is not a hugbox, but that isn't a moral imperative to be a jerk. Placating and justifying someone's bad decisions is not the same as having a little compassion for someone terrified of the after-effects of weight loss.

I don't view it as "trite" or "shallow" to be hesitant about weight loss due to excess skin. As women, we face a unique struggle in terms of our appearance. We are judged for what we are AND what we are not. We can feel unattractive and have rude comments made about our chubby cheeks, and be conversely nervous that we will have rude comments made about looking saggy, sallow-cheeked, and old (one of the biggest comments on the appearance of extreme weight loss folks is "they look so old now"). Yes, we all have health reasons, but I have a hard time believing many women who get WLS don't also crave feeling beautiful. In our society, beauty means power. Beauty means value. Beauty means avoiding the discrimination, bias, cruelty and dismissal that comes with inhabiting a large body. Should appearance mean these things? No. But that is the reality of the world we live in. We have all suffered so much under society's expectations of what we should and shouldn't look like, is it really a surprise people question the results?

So many of us have deep issues with body image and self-loathing. We are accustomed to viewing ourselves as undesireable. Surgery, hard work, pain, sweat, tears, only to fear that you will still hate the person staring back at you in the mirror? Terrified you will never find love? Worried that you'll go from a "big gal" that some men say they prefer, to a scarred and wrinkled mess that you fear is no one's preference?

That is not shallow. That is not trite. It is legitimate fear. And it can be overcome, but it takes work, time, love, and support. You don't need to kiss anyone's ass, placate, or justify anyone's delusions. You can always scroll past those threads. But damn, a little compassion wouldn't be remiss.

**Edit: Check the forums for how many threads contain "my spouse/partner says they won't find me attractive anymore if I lose weight."

YES!!!!!!

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@@Babbs totally agree with you that sometimes the skin can cause health problems and also I could not care less if someone gets plastics for vanity, their money their body in my opinion. I'm too old to care.

However, I LOVE this post by @@JupiterinVirgo LOVE IT! When someone comes on here worrying about excess skin or scars I just wonder if they think they look good at 300 pounds? I mean, if the idea of loose skin is so repulsive to them they should just stay obese.

And the fact that they think they are going to look perfect, like they were never obese, after losing 100 plus pounds is just crazy. Do they think they are going to be modeling for Victoria's Secret after they lose the weight? It's crazy. That's why I always tell them to go to YouTube. You can see hundreds of people who have lost weight (most of them young and healthy) and they strip down and show you all their excess skin. It's pretty gross. It happens no matter what we do.

Honestly I think there should be some program where they go into the schools and talk to young people before they get so heavy. Show them what a naked obese body looks like. Show them what a tiny amount of food is considered healthy eating. Show them what WLS entails. AND show them what people look like after they lose massive amounts of weight. Kind of a "scared straight" for obesity.

Just wondering, would you go into the schools and give them a lecture to scare them straight? I sure wouldn't!! But my body could scare someone straight for sure!! Like you said I'm to old also. I think that most of us don't have PS because we want to LOOK GOOD> I did have a Panni done a year ago last Sept. I can tell you it wasn't for my hard natural body!! If only I was younger and had the money I would have nips and tucks done in a NEW YORK minute!!

Hahahe me? No, but I think a medical professional could do it in such a way that it would be okay. Honestly, maybe I would do it, I'm not very shy

I agree that it seems absolutely ridiculous when people post that they're considering not having surgery due to excess skin. Really, it's just stupid. You would rather stay obese and risk death (and as someone mentioned earlier, being obese itself is generally considered ugly in our society). It most often feels like these people are looking for an excuse to continue with their unhealthy ways.

HOWEVER, I will say that I'm absolutely shocked at the amount of excess skin I have, and it bothers me so much more than I thought it would. I figured I would have some excess skin on my stomach because that's where I carried most of my weight, but I couldn't have been more wrong!

I mean, I do have a ton of excess skin on my stomach, but I also have it on my upper arms, thighs, sides and I totally have a shar pei butt. It sucks, and really detracts from my ability to see myself as "thin". It's hard to feel thin when you can literally grab handfuls on most parts of your body.

Would I do it all over again? OF COURSE! And I am SO much more healthy, which was my goal. I feel better, I have more energy, and my co-morbidities are gone. The skin is a small price to pay. It's just a much bigger price than I was prepared for.

I have been so surprised at the excess skin in places that I didn't expect!

When I sit down, I literally sit in a "skin puddle".

I noticed last week that I can accordion fold the skin on my thighs!

Arms, breasts, I expected but I also have a "shar pei" butt!

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Did I mention that the other day I rolled over in bed and my shirt got all bunched up under me, so I had to tug it straight?

Except I wasn't wearing a shirt. That was my skin. Yeah, my skin bunches up under me when I roll over in bed at night.

I definitely didn't see that coming!

Is there an administrator on this site because people have been nasty and judgmental from the very first post (trivial? shallow?) and continue in spite of the peace makers. I am new and am disappointed. Are there other sites for support?

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Thinnertimes.com

Gastricsleeve.com

But they are so boring! Especially Thinnertimes. Everyone is almost....TOO nice, lol. That's sounds right up your ally though.

Around the world 18,000 children died of STARVATION in the past hour the past hour and 21,000 children died of PREVENTABLE illness in past 24 hours. Meanwhile he r e on Bariatric Pals an endless parade of precious millennial snowflakes (and their rock puppets spend the whole day "debating" this nonsense.

Maybe it's time to start a Minnesota's only thread where you all can compete to see who is the biggest and best snowflake oall.f

This is not the victim olympics or a contest about who is allowed to hurt the most.

This is a WLS forum. So yes, people will delve deep into all manner of weight loss issues despite there being other things happening in the world. There is no need to marginalize or insult people for perfectly legitimate concerns, nor fall back into the tired old "millenial" generalization (which is one of the most inaccurate, backwards, ridiculous labels when you examine the facts).

BP is not a hugbox, but that isn't a moral imperative to be a jerk. Placating and justifying someone's bad decisions is not the same as having a little compassion for someone terrified of the after-effects of weight loss.

I don't view it as "trite" or "shallow" to be hesitant about weight loss due to excess skin. As women, we face a unique struggle in terms of our appearance. We are judged for what we are AND what we are not. We can feel unattractive and have rude comments made about our chubby cheeks, and be conversely nervous that we will have rude comments made about looking saggy, sallow-cheeked, and old (one of the biggest comments on the appearance of extreme weight loss folks is "they look so old now"). Yes, we all have health reasons, but I have a hard time believing many women who get WLS don't also crave feeling beautiful. In our society, beauty means power. Beauty means value. Beauty means avoiding the discrimination, bias, cruelty and dismissal that comes with inhabiting a large body. Should appearance mean these things? No. But that is the reality of the world we live in. We have all suffered so much under society's expectations of what we should and shouldn't look like, is it really a surprise people question the results?

So many of us have deep issues with body image and self-loathing. We are accustomed to viewing ourselves as undesireable. Surgery, hard work, pain, sweat, tears, only to fear that you will still hate the person staring back at you in the mirror? Terrified you will never find love? Worried that you'll go from a "big gal" that some men say they prefer, to a scarred and wrinkled mess that you fear is no one's preference?

That is not shallow. That is not trite. It is legitimate fear. And it can be overcome, but it takes work, time, love, and support. You don't need to kiss anyone's ass, placate, or justify anyone's delusions. You can always scroll past those threads. But damn, a little compassion wouldn't be remiss.

**Edit: Check the forums for how many threads contain "my spouse/partner says they won't find me attractive anymore if I lose weight."

YES!!!!!!

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So true! I will never ever let anyone see me naked now. My body looks horrible. In clothes things look okay. My beautiful tattooed artwork now looks unrecognisable in the melting folds of crepey skin.

My face is sallow and shrunken, my breasts, well I won't even try to describe that hot mess.

As a fat girl though, I had no body shame. That was never an issue for me. Some fellas like a fat girl.

But no one could find the folds of skin attractive in any way.

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To be honest I started to work out and loose weight almost 3 years ago. After about 3months I lost around 65 lbs. I had the excess skin issues and, well then I was quite vain. I'd rather be fluffy than flabby I'd say...only to gain that 65 back + a few more. I lost my mom December 28th last year, after 25 days of her coming to live with me on hospice. Something finally clicked on me. I wanted to get healthy. My mom was far from obese and ate about as much as I do now, but had high bp, copd, was on o2, with a series of her own health issues. I don't want to die at 50 like my dad or 64 like my mom. If hanging skin is all I have from getting healthy, its just battle scars from this journey of life. I have other scars too just reminders of where I been.

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It is what it is. It can't be changed without expensive, risky (for me) surgery. So no point worrying about it.

Same with the baldness.

But if anyone's motivation for WLS is to look fabulous naked, they might want to just truly consider the reality of what your body will go through.

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I'm new to this forum as well. I see a lot of posts about other people's post. I made a post about the 180 day weight loss trial and what kind of Protein shakes I should consider.

I felt so much support when I received responses. It made me feel like this is a place that will help me both before and after surgery.

Later I read a thread about how people are sick of questions that have been asked and answered over and over. They werent going to answer any more questions like what kind of Protein shake, etc. anymore.

The point was that newbies should be using the search option. I would have been a lot less embarrassed if the person would have just posted that.

Anyways that is just my opinion as a newbie. Now I skip the my work here is done and tired of people ... threads.

Ironically, I actually clicked on this thread because I was hoping some of my questions about extra skin would be answered.

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Great post. I'm fairly new as well. It would be nice if people just didn't answer ?s they were "tired of answering" instead of treating others like idiots. I've been on here around 2 months and just recently found the search part. Believe me some things I personally would rather not ask but sometimes you just gotta.

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