Hi everyone! I've recently been cleared for surgery (sleeve gastrectomy) and arranged a date of 26th September. Very excited! I'm 31, have a BMI of 35, and single. I've tried (and failed) to lose weight for the past 16 years. Same story as everyone else - I lose 20 lbs and put 30 back on.

I've not told anyone about the surgery, and I don't plan to. I just think that people will think I'm taking the easy way out. No one else in my family has any weight issues, and I know they just think I'm lazy for being so fat. I'm definitely going ahead with the surgery, but wanted to know if anyone else had done it without telling anyone? I just can't be bothered with them judging me!

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Wow. So glad I found this post. I have obviously discussed this with my husband who is 100% supportive. My mom knows and supports but has voiced concerns. My biggest thing is I don't want to share this with everyone. What do you say when they ask?? Why are you off work? Why can't you do this or that? I don't want to lie and I don't want to say none of your business but I don't want to share either.

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I basically said it was a long story, that I'd share later. Most people were not satisfied with that response but I didn't know what else to say...

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Hi! I'm new to this site/app and this is my first response!

I didn't tell a lot of people (boyfriend, close family and friends) when I was making the decision and going through all the preop stuff. But I did tell everyone the day of my surgery what I was having and had all positive and supportive feedback! It was nice and surprising.

The reason I did was because I am really heavy (bmi 55) and I knew as I started to lose weight, people would have questions. And I know that the surgery was the best decision for me and my health and in the end that's all that matters!

it's totally a personal choice and you should do what's best for you! Every person is different and what's best for one may not be best for another.

Good luck on your surgery! Hope everything goes well!

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@@lehana

Why can't you say that you are working with your doctor and a nutritionist to perfect s new healthy lifestyle for yourself.

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I'm so glad I found this post! I started another one before I found this (sorry mods!) hoping to see where people stood.

I'm super on the fence. I have always been an open book. I had the essure procedure done (sterilization) and I'm pretty sure I shouted that I was sterile to random strangers.

There's such a stigma behind weight loss surgery and it kills me. Now that I'm looking into it as a serious option, I realize it is just a tool. There's no stigma behind using a crutch or a wheelchair if you need it. Why should there be if you're getting the equivalent of a stomach-crutch to help you heal?

With that said, I plan to keep it to myself. I'm not sure how I am going to deal with work, but aside from them, I have the benefit of living far enough away from my parents and in-laws that we don't see each other too much. I can lose the weight and attribute it to finally having a diet that works for me.

I might tell my friends down the road.

I'm in the process of getting cleared for the sleeve. At first I was also worried about what people would think, but I'm done with that. Getting this surgery is not "the easy way out". No one has walked in your shoes or seen your struggles. People will judge. And I just don't care. I talk about this frequently at work now and the most common response is that people want more info. For themselves, for their family or friends. There is another woman at work now who is prepping to get bypass surgery. We have sort of become our own little support group and it feels great to have someone to share the experience and compare notes with. There is no shame in getting a surgery that you and your doctor have agreed is the right tool for you. If someone is critical of you, it is either because they don't understand your situation or because they don't want you to succeed. But they will be far outnumbered by the people who encourage and support you. A support system after this life changing surgery is vital to your long term success. Just my 2 cents... I think you should shout it from the rooftops. In the process you could learn a lot about who really cares about you, bond with someone you otherwise wouldn't have, or maybe give someone else the courage to take this step themselves. Best of luck to you.

I'm in the process of getting cleared for the sleeve. At first I was also worried about what people would think, but I'm done with that. Getting this surgery is not "the easy way out". No one has walked in your shoes or seen your struggles. People will judge. And I just don't care. I talk about this frequently at work now and the most common response is that people want more info. For themselves, for their family or friends. There is another woman at work now who is prepping to get bypass surgery. We have sort of become our own little support group and it feels great to have someone to share the experience and compare notes with. There is no shame in getting a surgery that you and your doctor have agreed is the right tool for you. If someone is critical of you, it is either because they don't understand your situation or because they don't want you to succeed. But they will be far outnumbered by the people who encourage and support you. A support system after this life changing surgery is vital to your long term success. Just my 2 cents... I think you should shout it from the rooftops. In the process you could learn a lot about who really cares about you, bond with someone you otherwise wouldn't have, or maybe give someone else the courage to take this step themselves. Best of luck to you.

Hello my name is Tiffany. Like you I too didn't tell anyone but my close family. I have also struggled 1/2 of my life with weight due to emotional eating issues. What I realized is its really nobody's concern so why tell them. I did this surgery to be free from guilt & shame while I get my emotional and mental stable as well. I have made the right choice to not tell anyone now I'm free from others judgement and opinions rather good or bad I eliminated them all. My focus and your focus should be about you and living healthier so you with holding your information is wonderful! Just another step in taking control of your life sweetie and being able to not let in what usually is a part of our unhealthy habits anyway. God bless you on this journey.

Edited March 22, 20179 yr by Tiffanywash

The only thing i'll add is that I was surprised at all the support I got when i chose to tell people. I expected judgement and all I have gotten is tremendous support.

But that was my decision and the decision to share or not is very personal and only you know what's right for you.

I am 4 years post op. I only told a hand full of friends and family. I have no regrets! I've seen a few of my friends that have been open about it and the judgement that comes with it is too much for me. People are always saying that they took the easy way out. Or they cheated. And that is so far from the truth. I worked out 2x a day and worked very hard to stay on track. Lots of sweat and tears. So I'm not giving them the power to take away my hard earned accomplishments. I've worked very hard to lose and maintain my weightloss. Its non off their business anyway!

That is exactly why I told nearly no one as well. This was not an easy choice or a cheat and to demean me that way is wrong. So I chose to tell only a few people that I knew wouldn't give me grief.

What challenges me, changes me

Up until today, I literally only told my mother and I don't have a good relationship with her. I don't feel like it's anyone's business. But I am having surgery tomorrow.

I know exactly how you feel. I didnt tell my Mom because of the way she is. She's always told me I'm fat and then tried to apologize by feeding my Mcdonalds and buying me junk food.
I'm not telling anyone because I don't want them thinking I'm taking the easy way out when, like you, I've struggled with weight loss for years

This resonates!!