The last five months has most certainly been a roller coaster. It has felt harrowing at times. I under estimated the profound effect that losing weight would have on me. It is an intense process, staying present with my quickly changing body.

Things, things I have been hiding away under a lot of weight for many years rise to the surface to be processed as my fat cells break open on my body shrinks. Sadness I've held in my belly. Rage I wrapped around my hips. Grief that has laid heavy upon my chest. The peak of mountains in the landscape of my body just starting to show, formally submerged in a sea of fat. Instances of sudden ecstatic joy.

Glitches, and translating what I see in the mirror into what I remember of myself. The delay in processing real time changes in my body.

Yesterday, my family came to visit me. I hadn't seen some of them in a couple of months. They went on anon over hours of time and how astonish they were at my weight loss. They insisted on photographing me. And when I looked at the picture, that was the first time I actually saw that my body is starting to look like now. So I wanted to share.

@@N1NA as a person who has lost and gained more weight than I might ever know... I can relate to how your feeling, I think we all question why couldn't this dieting etc work for me... Obesity is a disease, different cures work for different people... Those of us who have now decided to have surgery know they other approaches haven't been successful so this we turn to surgery.... If your having doubts than I suggest you work those out before your get to the OR.... Good luck

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