Yesterday marked 3 weeks until my "BIG" day. And I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

I have always struggled with anxiety, and as I have aged, it has improved significantly unless something major triggers it. But even then, my rebound time is much faster than it was 5+ years ago. My coping skills have improved. Go me!

However, between the surgery being right around the corner, and a VERY stressful job...this little lady is all out of sorts. I tried the whole "retreat" mechanism which is my first instinct when things get tough. I shut down. I shut everyone near and dear to me out. And I process. And while I enjoy this option more, I know that it is unhealthy and what has played a huge role in my weight. Because while I am secluded in my own little world, all I need is me and my food. Gimme that chocolate and some of those potatoes. And I slowly begin to reappear, eventually. So here are my concerns:

-Work (stressful job + unhealthy relationship with a superior)

-Pre op and post op diet

(I've done the research. I have a ton of material from my surgeon's office. I truly am prepared. But I have totally allowed my mind to screw with me and convince me that I'm not. Anxiety, remember? I'm not worried about the length of the specific diets or stages or what I can or CAN'T have. I literally just feel like everything I've learned over the last 9 months has suddenly vanished. My diet starts Tuesday. So I plan to sit and dive right back into my manuals within the next day or so and re-educate/reassure myself that I do know and I do understand what I am to do.......)

-Energy levels after WLS (I've read where it is not uncommon to feel less than par for up to 6 weeks after surgery. Some sooner, some longer. I'm worried that I'm going to tire more easily and am concerned with how this will affect my job performance..if at all? I work as an IT consultant and we have multiple clients which include 3 hospitals + multiple physician and Lawyers offices. I am constantly on the freakin go. Work begins before I leave my house in the morning and continues after I arrive home. I am hands on and regularly crawling on the floor to look at/repair computers, servers, you name it. The one upside to my job is that I am on my feet more so than not. So, I'm always sure to average between 7,000 and 10,000 steps at work alone.)

-There are a few more concerns...but I'll stop there

So, my concerns aren't whether I'm going to lose fast or have excess skin. I mean...those are possibly there...but way way wayyyy down on the list. I'm mostly concerned about my emotional well being after surgery. I know that this is going to be as much mental...if not more...than physical. And I don't know whether to reach for a Xanax or a brown paper bag

I do know that I've got to get out of my head and some of my concerns are probably minute and a waist of energy. Which is why I am here. I know that I need to get these things off my chest and talk them out. Only then will I feel better and become more comfortable with what is about to take place in my life. So here is Megan...in all her glory....vulnerable and transparent. [patting self on back]

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Sassyfrass23 I arrived late at this party but it seems you have your pre-op diet under control. I just wanted to tell you that I worked at a job for years and put in long hours, went in on Saturday, and worried when I went on vacation. The last year I worked there I had to take lorazepam to get through the day. My hair was falling out and I would feel physically sick on Sunday thinking about having to go in for Monday. Some days my hands shook so bad I had to sit on them. I finally realized that while the pay was great, my life wasn't. I started looking for another job and found one. The day I got the offer for my current job via email I sat in my cubicle and cried tears of joy. I took a small cut in pay, but it was worth it to get my life back. I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, but if work is truly that stressful for you now, it's probably not going to get better in the future...something to think about.

With that being said....having the sleeve surgery was one of the best things I've done for myself other than switching jobs! I'm down over 100lbs and I feel great. Best of luck to you!

Hey! It's funny that you mention the job change. I have actually been considering this but here's what I decided:

I am going to have my surgery and allow my body a full 6ish months to recover. If after that point I continue to feel the way I do and can truly determine that my current emotions have nothing to do with my PCOS, then I will begin the job hunt. I'm all about improving every aspect of my life.

I've already terminated a friendship with someone who was toxic to my marriage. He was my husband's best friend for years but has never been supportive of our relationship. He took the back seat in my husband's life when I came along and we got married (we dated for 6 months and we're married 6 months later on our 1 yr anniversary). That was a tough pill for this friend to swallow. Fast forward 8 years and we have someone who makes it a point to antagonize situations and wedge himself between us. My husband finally saw this and was able to see where my dislike stemmed from. He had to see it for himself before we could ever move forward.

I quit smoking a few months ago. For the record- giving those up were much easier than the food I have had to let go of on this diet! Lol

I don't want to better every area of my life and allow my career to continue dragging me down. I have so many plans for my future. I'm starting my life over in two days. And I'm ready to begin loving my life for the first time in a very...long....time!!!

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@@VSGAnn2014 thank you for that information! I have done a little research and have a better understanding of this now. Deep down, a part of me fears that I've screwed up along the way and haven't allowed my liver to do what it needs to. The funny part?? I have followed this diet to a T with the exception of cheating the very first night for dinner. I know I've done great, but part of me is still waiting for something to occur and prevent the surgery from taking place. Paranoia much? It doesn't help that my surgeon has been known to enter patients only to pull right back out because their livers aren't up to his expectations. And at that point....the patient can't even defend themselves! Lol!

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Lawwwwwwd.

Fighting the temptations at our family get together was TOUGH this evening!

Definitely the toughest day by far. Add on the fact that today and tomorrow I can only have Clear liquids. Double wammy! So, broth and Water are my go to.

All I keep telling myself is.....33 more hours to go.

Homegirl is hangry though...

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Lawwwwwwd.

Fighting the temptations at our family get together was TOUGH this evening!

Definitely the toughest day by far. Add on the fact that today and tomorrow I can only have clear liquids. Double wammy! So, broth and Water are my go to.

All I keep telling myself is.....33 more hours to go.

Homegirl is hangry though...

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You can do it!

On the evening before my last day of liquids, I arrived home where my sister has come in and hung post-it notes all over my house. Since I cannot get in to your house, I will try that here!

YOU CAN DO IT!

ALMOST THERE!!

THE END IS IN SIGHT!

YOU ROCK!

JUST THINK HOW EXCITING YOUR NEW LIFE WILL BE! (Ok, maybe that one didn't fit on a post-it note...)

YOU GOT THIS!

ONE. MORE. DAY.

:D

Thank you, @@Inner Surfer Girl ! Btw- I typically access BP from my phone, so I never get to see anyone's tickers. I just so happen to be on my laptop this evening and saw yours and was blown away! Your progress is awesome and inspiring. Congratulations on your hard work thus far!

@@Daisee68 thank you so much!! I just made mental post it notes with your cheers! Tomorrow is going to be so busy for me, I honestly believe it is going to fly by and I won't even have time to think about the food. Hopefully!!!!

You've got this....keep us updated!

@@sassyfrass23 good luck tomorrow is the day for the both of us fingers crossed see you on the other side..[emoji847][emoji847]

Good luck to you, @@choicemun! What time is your surgery??

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I have to be in the hospital by 6:30am. What about you @ sassyfrass23

I have to be there at 5:30 am est and my surgery begins at 7:30!

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Fingers crossed.

You are going to do great !!!!!

I just wanted to chime in and say that everyone here is so dang inspiring!

I don't know any of you, but I adore you all.

I'm hoping that you both ( @@sassyfrass23 & @@choicemun ) had easy and successful surgeries, and that recovery is smooth sailing!

@sassyfrass23 @@choicemun - Hoping (trusting) all went well with your surgeries!! Check in and let us know how you are doing when you are able.

@@sassyfrass23 hope everything went great today