Yesterday marked 3 weeks until my "BIG" day. And I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

I have always struggled with anxiety, and as I have aged, it has improved significantly unless something major triggers it. But even then, my rebound time is much faster than it was 5+ years ago. My coping skills have improved. Go me!

However, between the surgery being right around the corner, and a VERY stressful job...this little lady is all out of sorts. I tried the whole "retreat" mechanism which is my first instinct when things get tough. I shut down. I shut everyone near and dear to me out. And I process. And while I enjoy this option more, I know that it is unhealthy and what has played a huge role in my weight. Because while I am secluded in my own little world, all I need is me and my food. Gimme that chocolate and some of those potatoes. And I slowly begin to reappear, eventually. So here are my concerns:

-Work (stressful job + unhealthy relationship with a superior)

-Pre op and post op diet

(I've done the research. I have a ton of material from my surgeon's office. I truly am prepared. But I have totally allowed my mind to screw with me and convince me that I'm not. Anxiety, remember? I'm not worried about the length of the specific diets or stages or what I can or CAN'T have. I literally just feel like everything I've learned over the last 9 months has suddenly vanished. My diet starts Tuesday. So I plan to sit and dive right back into my manuals within the next day or so and re-educate/reassure myself that I do know and I do understand what I am to do.......)

-Energy levels after WLS (I've read where it is not uncommon to feel less than par for up to 6 weeks after surgery. Some sooner, some longer. I'm worried that I'm going to tire more easily and am concerned with how this will affect my job performance..if at all? I work as an IT consultant and we have multiple clients which include 3 hospitals + multiple physician and Lawyers offices. I am constantly on the freakin go. Work begins before I leave my house in the morning and continues after I arrive home. I am hands on and regularly crawling on the floor to look at/repair computers, servers, you name it. The one upside to my job is that I am on my feet more so than not. So, I'm always sure to average between 7,000 and 10,000 steps at work alone.)

-There are a few more concerns...but I'll stop there

So, my concerns aren't whether I'm going to lose fast or have excess skin. I mean...those are possibly there...but way way wayyyy down on the list. I'm mostly concerned about my emotional well being after surgery. I know that this is going to be as much mental...if not more...than physical. And I don't know whether to reach for a Xanax or a brown paper bag

I do know that I've got to get out of my head and some of my concerns are probably minute and a waist of energy. Which is why I am here. I know that I need to get these things off my chest and talk them out. Only then will I feel better and become more comfortable with what is about to take place in my life. So here is Megan...in all her glory....vulnerable and transparent. [patting self on back]

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Keep on keepin on, @@choicemun ! I think we have the same surgery date....March 29th? Or are fairly close in dates?

I cheated for dinner on the very first day. I justified it to myself and my husband. And I was pretty d@mn convincing. I immediately felt regret afterwards. But the next morning I got back up on the horse and continued to push through. I continue to have moments of negative thoughts, if you will, but as I see the numbers dropping on the scale, it immediately becomes easier. If this is any indication of what the "honeymoon" phase will be like after surgery, that's even more exciting!

Just continue to keep yourself busy. I've found that as I have been on this diet, I've had MUCH more energy. I thought I would feel weak or exhausted, but I haven't felt this energetic after long days at the office in quite some time.

I'm also going through some sort of "nesting" phase. I almost feel like an expecting mother? Cleaning/preparing my house like crazy. Our house stays orderly, but the extreme dusting, cleaning baseboards, etc...was never my cup of tea. Up until a couple of weeks ago.

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You are going to to do so well with your WLS experience that you'll be amazing everyone........your family, your friends, all of us here on BP and.....YOURSELF.

I am 120% certain of this fact.

More certain than of the fact that the sun will set this eventing and the sun will rise tomorrow......and when it does you will be another day closer.

You already have shown so much determination and grit. You already have a battle plan for how to proceed. It is yours and you own it. You've taken what you've been taught through your program, taken insight and tips here from folks, forecasted your own probable pitfalls.......and put it all together into the mix and formulated your own strategy and guidelines for behavior.

You have already changed and made the transition from the old ways.

I am so very impressed with what I've seen you do.

In my opinion, you have already made it past the most difficult part of the journey and overcome the most difficult hurdle......yourself. You have changed yourself. More specifically you have recalibrated your thinking and your responses to stimuli.

You have done this and nobody else. You have done this at a most stressful time. You have self evaluated after being beat up a little bit in a skirmish. You coached yourself up and came back to the fight and delivered a knock out blow and ended the round early.....WELL DONE.

It's not just a single round, but many of them. It's not going to be just a single fight....but many of them. Being able to coach yourself....to self evaluate.....to make adjustments and own the results......that, my friend, is the key to winning long term and being the Champion.

You've already done this so very early on.

In my opinion.....you have nothing left to prove. You beat that hardest opponent you'll ever face in your WLS journey......knocked that sucka out cold, too.

Now step up to the center of the ring and make your acceptance speech as they put the title belt around your slimming waist. Make your speech......let everyone hear your winning spirit......then drop the mike and strut around and keep kicking azz every single time a new wanna be challenges your greatness.

I've said it multiple times before, but it is so nice to have a place to "fall" when times get tough. All of your responses definitely lifted my spirits and helped remind me that I AM human and I am valid in having a bit of worry. This is a huge life changing experience and I think it would be more concerning if I was taking it too lightly and without second thought.

It sure is.....that's why we are here....to be a sounding board and to help wherever, however possible. Know that we are also growing stronger from witnessing your winning approach. You are inspiring and making fans of us all.



Mind
_______

Matter

Mind over matter. Hells yes !!!!!!! That is is it. Preach on. You are nailing it there.

Here we go......the reason behind things......the validation.....the body changing and allowing the weight to change. It's not always a linear movement...sometimes you'll be killing it in every way possible and the scale will stay hung up......keep on gutting it out......don't worry.....positive change is still happening inside you and the scale will show it in due time. Just keep sticking and moving and working your opponent of the day....fight hard and don't give in.....keep swinging. You will see the benefit....you will win that round, too. So proud of you here.....toughest time of all and you are winning. The rest will get easier and easier.

However, I stepped on the scale this morning and was down 5 lbs. That's 5 lbs in 3 days. I was kinda shocked. And I know some of that is Water weight, but still...progress is progress!!!

I am seeing a change in my mindset as the days go on and the initial shock from day one of "liquids only" has worn off.

You are doing great.....anytime you have doubts, just consult your plans guidelines and apply the rationale to the gray areas.....it's pretty much black & white in it's simplest forms, though. You've begun to tell your body how it's going to be......you have. You own things now. Never again in your life will your appetite have a bigger voice than your own willpower. You have won already......at the most difficult time. Much respect.

I can't tell if what I'm taking in is enough or maybe I'm depriving myself? Either way- it's a huge adjustment from my previous eating habits. I had improved throughout this process, but my portions were nowhere near this small... not at dinner anyways.

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Just following up...
Currently on day 6 of my my preop diet and things are definitely improving.

I continue to have small moments of weakness every once in awhile when the realization hits. Ya know the...

"I didn't eat that one last time..."
"I probably won't be able to stomach that after RNY..."
"I won't be able to CHEW food for 6 more freakin weeks..."

But my rebuttal to those thoughts are improving and my thought process is becoming more focused on the final goal. Which has definitely improved my strength and self control.

I am now officially in the SINGLE DIGIT count down. 9 days from today and I will be having surgery!! I have my preop appt at the hospital on Tuesday and should receive my time to report then!

One plus to this liquid diet...in 6 days I've dropped 10 lbs. I hope to drop a few more over the next 9 days to get my surgery weight down as much as possible.

Wow. Wow. Read your post back to yourself. Read it again. You hare facing the hard stuff and kicking the shyt outa all the negative little voices that popped up. It's like you are playing Whack-a-mole with them and dominating.



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Keep on keepin on, @@choicemun ! I think we have the same surgery date....March 29th? Or are fairly close in dates?

I cheated for dinner on the very first day. I justified it to myself and my husband. And I was pretty d@mn convincing. I immediately felt regret afterwards. But the next morning I got back up on the horse and continued to push through. I continue to have moments of negative thoughts, if you will, but as I see the numbers dropping on the scale, it immediately becomes easier. If this is any indication of what the "honeymoon" phase will be like after surgery, that's even more exciting!

Just continue to keep yourself busy. I've found that as I have been on this diet, I've had MUCH more energy. I thought I would feel weak or exhausted, but I haven't felt this energetic after long days at the office in quite some time.

YES YES YES There is is. You are seeing it already. So much respect for letting yourself see the positives occurring already.

I'm also going through some sort of "nesting" phase. I almost feel like an expecting mother? Cleaning/preparing my house like crazy. Our house stays orderly, but the extreme dusting, cleaning baseboards, etc...was never my cup of tea. Up until a couple of weeks ago.

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You've got this.

I am certain of this fact.

Trust & Believe.

Dub, you truly have a positive, sweet soul.

It's a pleasure to read your posts.

Thank you.

Dub, you truly have a positive, sweet soul.

It's a pleasure to read your posts.

Thank you.

Thank you, Darling. Thank you.

I have a very, very strong feeling that this young lady is going to go on and show us how this is done.

She will continue to inspire us all like she already has done.

I can feel it.

I am so grateful for the people on here who take on the fight and prove that it can be done. We all have weak moments and times when we feel that life is kicking us hard. We have only to look around here for 5 minutes and find so many sources of inspiration and be uplifted.

I am so grateful for you, the veterans and the new people here who pursue their dreams and living on their terms....not as victims of obesity or poor health.

It feels wonderful to be in the driver's seat and not in the back of an ambulance. The view is much nicer !!!!

Amen @@Dub!

@@Dub ....dude!!!!!!! You just blew my mind. Two things happened while I was reading your response..

1- My eyes may or may not have began to "sweat" a little

2- My heart rate increased, my shoulders stood taller and I literally imagined skinny me in the ring with chubby me. And I was winning just as you predicted...

Your words are always so inspiring. Add that with YOUR progress and WOW! I honestly believe that you should look at becoming a life coach or some type of spokesperson for bariatric surgery. I truly believe you could impact a lot of lives and help remind folks about why they are here...why they are doing this...and that they CAN do it. You help me see even the smallest steps as HUGE steps and acknowledge things that I may not see as victories within themselves. I strongly encourage you do something like this. Man- even if you started a VLOG on YouTube??? You could reach millions of people just through social media and beyond BP. I love BP but I've talked with fellow WLS patients at my surgeon's office who haven't heard of it, and I always encourage them to come to this site and check it out. I call it my new "Facebook" because it's the first thing I launch on my cell phone, NUMEROUS times a day. Think about all the veterans who have fallen off track, you could help them get back. Anyone who is on the fence about WLS and possibly considering but still uncertain. Those of us in the preop stage who are struggling or second guessing our decision. I would totally watch your videos! Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee consider it, I'm begging you!

I plan to have an undefeated record from this point forward. Knockout after knockout. And I will soon be a champion!

Woo! You got me all sorts of pumped up!!

@@Dub ....dude!!!!!!! You just blew my mind. Two things happened while I was reading your response..

1- My eyes may or may not have began to "sweat" a little

Pretty sure someone was chopping onions in my house

@@HanSolo1977 hahah, mine too!

Ya'll gonna kill this WLS.

Truth is that I draw heaps of motivation from others here.

There are days where it is tough and all I have to do lis login here on BP and five minutes later my battery is recharged and I'm better able to get through whatever nagging issue I had.

BP is a special place full of many inspirational people.

I think I'm getting a little preview of the infamous stall...and I'm still preop. Whaaaa? Lol.

I can't tell if I'm really in a stall or if my monthly visitor is the culprit. But the scale literally came to a hault. I'm not stressing it though.

However, I do have one question...

What shrinks your liver? Losing weight? Or just eating healthier/liquids only? If I'm worried about anything...it's that my weight loss stopping is going to prevent my liver from shrinking? I'm hoping that I just misunderstood how that works. Maybe...

SIX DAYS! I received my arrival and surgery time while completing my preop testing yesterday. I am to report at 5:30 am on Tuesday and surgery will begin at 7:30. The first case of the day!

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I think I'm getting a little preview of the infamous stall...and I'm still preop. Whaaaa? Lol.

I can't tell if I'm really in a stall or if my monthly visitor is the culprit. But the scale literally came to a hault. I'm not stressing it though.

However, I do have one question...

What shrinks your liver? Losing weight? Or just eating healthier/liquids only? If I'm worried about anything...it's that my weight loss stopping is going to prevent my liver from shrinking? I'm hoping that I just misunderstood how that works. Maybe...

SIX DAYS! I received my arrival and surgery time while completing my preop testing yesterday. I am to report at 5:30 am on Tuesday and surgery will begin at 7:30. The first case of the day!

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What shrinks your liver? Depleting it of the stored fat. By going extremely low carb you are forcing your body to burn the fat that is easiest to access. From what I understand the fat stored in your liver is your short-term fat storage.

That's how I understood it. And weight loss was just a side effect (added bonus) of the LC diet.

And then I started over thinking and got myself confused.

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Edited March 24, 201610 yr by sassyfrass23

Sassyfrass23 I arrived late at this party but it seems you have your pre-op diet under control. I just wanted to tell you that I worked at a job for years and put in long hours, went in on Saturday, and worried when I went on vacation. The last year I worked there I had to take lorazepam to get through the day. My hair was falling out and I would feel physically sick on Sunday thinking about having to go in for Monday. Some days my hands shook so bad I had to sit on them. I finally realized that while the pay was great, my life wasn't. I started looking for another job and found one. The day I got the offer for my current job via email I sat in my cubicle and cried tears of joy. I took a small cut in pay, but it was worth it to get my life back. I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, but if work is truly that stressful for you now, it's probably not going to get better in the future...something to think about.

With that being said....having the sleeve surgery was one of the best things I've done for myself other than switching jobs! I'm down over 100lbs and I feel great. Best of luck to you!

That's how I understood it. And weight loss was just a side effect (added bonus) of the LC diet.

And then I started over thinking and got myself confused.

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That is what I understand. My surgeon didn't want us to necessarily lose weight those two weeks.

Yes, your liver's full of fat. And as you lose weight, your liver will get "skinnier."

BUT ... the reason for the pre-op high-Protein, low-calorie "liver-shrinking" diet is to deplete your liver of glycogen (a form of glucose the body stores there for quick energy) and the approximately 8 pounds of Water your liver needs to store that glucose.

If you follow the liver-shrinking diet well, you'll lose at least 8 pounds, which will reduce the liver's size and "slickness" (less water, less slickness) so that the surgical team can move the liver and navigate around it while performing the VSG surgery.

If you look at images online of where the stomach and liver are located, you will readily understand the need to shrink the liver pre-op. Because if the liver gets nicked or injured during surgery -- yowzah! An injured liver is one of the forms of surgical complications that can occur and cause you serious problems post-op.