Hello, my name is Valentina. I had my gastric sleeve surgery June 6, 2011. I was so excited to finally have it done and to begin my weight loss journey. June 7, 2011 my world collapsed , leaving me in a dark abyss.

I guess I need to back up a wee bit. My life's partner and the love of my life was unfortunately diagnosed as clinically depressed. He had attempted suicide in 2008. I found him and called 911. He spent many days in the hospital, but came home much improved. Our life together was one of fairy tales for the next two and a half years. Just after I started my four month pre-surgery weight loss regime, John's depression worsened. He was not supportive of my surgery plans. I tried to explain to him how I had to get weight off of my joints as I have severe DJD, RA, and OA. In March of 2011 I had my left knee replaced. I thought then he would have seen the importance of my needing to have bariatric surgery. He did not. He refused to support me, accompany me to any of my testing appointment or even speak with me about my upcoming surgery. His psych physicians, PCP, and three therapists all advised me to go ahead with my surgery. They assured me that John would eventually see how much better our life together would be.

I made arrangements with each of John's doctors to call John throughout the day of my surgery to make sure he was holding his own and not panicking. I made arrangements with my surgeon to allow me to come home the very next morning after my surgery so as not to leave John alone any longer than needed. So, the morning of June 6th, I drove myself to the hospital.

The next morning after my surgery, I called John. There was no answer. I called and called and called. Finally, I got my surgeon to do my post-op testing early and went home. I found John dead in our bed. He had taken all of his vicodins that I had left in the care of his 22yr old daughter. (later she told me that she wanted to go out and her father assured her that he wasn't a child and could manage his own medication).

From the moment I walked into the bedroom, my gastric sleeve was forgotten. I didn't acknowledge it, nor speak of it. To me, I never had the surgery. John was so opposed to it, that I blamed myself for his death. Maybe if I hadn't left him and had the surgery he would still be alive.

I've spent the last almost 5 years hating food, sick when eating it, eating everything wrong, and in intensive therapy.

Last December I had to have spinal fusion of L2,L3.L4,&L5. That's when I began to remember why I needed/wanted the weight loss surgery to begin with. I need to get weight off of my joints/bones.

Finally, I am beginning to not blame myself. I am beginning to see a wee bit of sunshine in my daily life. I want--no, I need to pick up where I left off and restart my gastric sleeve journey. I spoke with the surgeon who took over after my bariatric surgeon left the practice. The replacement surgeon knew nothing of my history . All he could say was that I was "noncompliant" with my aftercare. I left his office in tears. He did order blood work (which he assured me would be WAY off. He said that I had to prove my commitment to "him" and he would see me in 6 months. After I regained my anger and composure I did make an appointment to see a nutritionist. I also asked my orthopedist (who is in the same building) for a RX for Aquatherapy. That is about the only way I can exercise since my spinal surgery. I am still unsteady to walk on the icey back roads of rural NY state.

My questions are: Is there any hope for me? Can I restart and get back on track? Does ANYONE have any words of wisdom/advise for me?? HELP!, please

Valentina

Five years later, I know.

It isn't easy now, but it was impossible for me to accept then.

I was just looking for a wee bit of support and understanding. I guess those are difficult items to give.

Five years later, I know.

It isn't easy now, but it was impossible for me to accept then.

I was just looking for a wee bit of support and understanding. I guess those are difficult items to give.

I read both posts as the before and after your discovering his suicide. My heart aches for you (and him, too).

No, not everyone is capable of providing the support you need, but some are. Even though he was not in a position to do so, there are many others (friends, family, and even strangers on the Internet) can.

How are you doing this week by the way?

Thank you for trying to understand. If I understood his suicide and my reaction to it, I wouldn't have needed the 4 1/2yrs of therapy.

Thank you again.

This week, well since Jan 12th, I've lost 11 pounds. I've gone back to a Protein shake for Breakfast, greed yogurt for lunch and an "allowable" dinner with a green salad topped with nutritional yeast.

I am having trouble drinking enough. I've never been a big Fluid consumer, but I'm working at it.

I am going three times a week for aqua therapy for my back since spinal fusion. After that I will join the pool.

Thank you again, for asking about my progress. It means a great deal to me.

I am so very sorry for your loss and trauma. God bless you. I have no words for what you've been through, but I hope you can take care of yourself now and find peace.

PRAYER IS THE KEY!!!! God loves you and never will leave you....stop blaming yourself for something that was obviously out of your control. I'm sorry for your loss and all you have be through, but put your trust and faith in the Lord!!!! You can do this, claim it and daily speak positive words in your life, you are worth this fight!!!

PRAYER IS THE KEY!!!! God loves you and never will leave you....stop blaming yourself for something that was obviously out of your control. I'm sorry for your loss and all you have be through, but put your trust and faith in the Lord!!!! You can do this, claim it and daily speak positive words in your life, you are worth this fight!!!

Such kind and true words. I will read them often and try to follow your advise always.

Thank you for trying to understand. If I understood his suicide and my reaction to it, I wouldn't have needed the 4 1/2yrs of therapy.

Thank you again.

This week, well since Jan 12th, I've lost 11 pounds. I've gone back to a Protein shake for Breakfast, greed yogurt for lunch and an "allowable" dinner with a green salad topped with nutritional yeast.

I am having trouble drinking enough. I've never been a big Fluid consumer, but I'm working at it.

I am going three times a week for aqua therapy for my back since spinal fusion. After that I will join the pool.

Thank you again, for asking about my progress. It means a great deal to me.

This is great to hear.

Trust in God.

Trust in God.

He's gotten me here. I am not alone.