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Edited May 20, 201610 yr by bellabloom

Just my two cents, but I hated hearing that, too (stop looking and it'll happen.)

No, nothing in life happens by being a passive slug, LOL. Not weight loss, not finding a good person, not professional success, etc.

If you're online dating, I'd recommend staying away from never-been-married and look for recently divorced (like within a year or two.)

Recently divorced and looking, so long as they aren't bitter pillpots looking for revenge sex, these guys liked being in a stable relationship and know what they want and don't want. They were able to have serious conversations and kind of cut to the chase quicker about if we were a fit or not, which I liked. I'm not out to waste anyone's time, and I cannot stand a grown man who has no life plan.

I'd be blown away by guys 30-40+age who would have NO IDEA where they wanted to be in five years; kids, married, traveling, single with a companion, whatever. Even with their jobs -- clueless. So annoying and unappealing.

There are a LOT of duds out there, sorry to say.

I met a guy that has all those sweet characteristics but .... I don't know. Nothing there physically. He's short but that's not a deal breaker for me....

He's not funny. He's too nice? He's not complex.... More specifically he's been married twice and walked from the kids both times. Is that a valid red flag? He's so nice and polite!

Gosh I just don't know! I need that animal magnetism combined with a good person. I want both.

I want my bolts of lightening and that rainbow after the storm.

I want my cake and to eat it too!!

So NO. still saying no.

Walking from his kids? Is that a valid red flag? Duh!!!

I liked dating too. I also spent some time just going out dancing and having fun with a meetup group (never accepted a date from anyone there because I just wanted to keep it easy going at the time). That era resulted in meeting alot of people, doing some fun activities etc and a couple of them actually became friends that i still do stuff with even though we didnt really have a romantic relationship.

Then, I reached a point when i just wanted a boyfriend to do fun stuff with. You know, not looking for forever, but someone to see. Someone who might become a bit more part of my life, meet my friends and kids, maybe we travel together a bit... etc. That is when the problems began because my attempts at finding a person went down in flames - usually after about 3-4 months. The down side for me is it started to make me jaded.

So, I never found the "Mr Right Now" to be honest. Now... I am thinking alot more about the rest of my life (well, at least the next 10-20 years) and have a clear vision of what i want it to look like. I think about dating men who might have some kind of common vision. Well, since I couldn't really find a decent "Mr Right now" it is hard to be too optimistic about a "Mr Right". I did meet someone who has a shockingly similiar "life plan" as mine. Too bad he loves Donald Trump, has a renter running a puppy mill on one of his properties (I am an animal lover so I can barely resist reporting this) and other small things that kinda kill the fire/desire. So, whats a girl to do?

I do agree with spending time alone, and in spite of what it sounds like - I really have. I have spent significant periods of time not dating - but maybe just going dancing or whatever. I have spent alot of tme and effort on my inner growth. While a great guy might just fall out of the sky, it is rather hard to believe it. I keep getting told I am attractive, fun to be with, friendly, easy to talk to... and yet, I don't seem to attract the good ones.

anyway, i have surgery on Monday. I have some time off from life while I am recovering, I won't be dating. When I am back to full activity (4 weeks post op) I am serious about getting my body fat percent to a certain target.... so... not sure if I will make time for looking/dating then. Due to some side effects, I recently stopped taking a hormone replacement therapy and you know what, I am not sure I even care about having a man in my life anymore. It seems strange that my desires should shift so suddenly, and maybe it is temporary.... will check back in a few months I guess.

Jane, good luck with your surgery.

Eeeek I have so many little "dates" planned this week. Oh god how is it going to go!! Hahaa. Always a roller coaster ride.

Maybe I'll meet the love of my life!

Maybe I'll just eat a lot a sushi.

Edited January 18, 201610 yr by bellabloom

Eeeeeek. I met someone this morning I'm suppppppppper attracted to!!! Oh no!! I said yes to a second date!!!

He's a family guy, owns franchises, cute as hell and gets my sense of humor. I am so crushing!!!

Only red flag so far- very recently divorced. I'm the first girl he has gone out with. ???? scary.

Eeeeeek. I met someone this morning I'm suppppppppper attracted to!!! Oh no!! I said yes to a second date!!!

He's a family guy, owns franchises, cute as hell and gets my sense of humor. I am so crushing!!!

Only red flag so far- very recently divorced. I'm the first girl he has gone out with. scary.

Sounds promising but keep it together Bella...that IS something to keep an eye on...you don't want to be the rebound chick.

I know!!!!!! Hahaha head on shoulders. Eyes up Bella eyes up!!!

I had to say no to the recently single guy. Too many red flags and too much drama.

I'm going on a date tonight with someone I've been texting for some time and I'm pretty nervous and excited about it. I really hope I like him because it seems promising. I decided I don't like being single any more. It's too stressful.

Going out on dates is just so stressful because of all my food issues. The only times I really enjoy myself are dates where there is no food involved. And guys always want to eat. I'm also tired of meeting new people all the time. I don't want to meet anyone new for a bit.

But I don't want to hang out by myself half of every week either. I just want a boyfriend boo hoooo. Or more girlfriends. I joined a meet up group to hopefully make some new friends.

Anyway. Maybe tonight I'll meet the love of my decade!!

Get some girlfriends!! They're more reliable than men and except for the sex thing, alot more fun to hang with. (not that there's anything wrong with girl sex if that's your thing )

I love my girlfriends and we have hoot of a good time. We all keep saying we need to find 1-2 more to add to our posse, but guess what, they are hard to find too. It has taken me years to get this group solid, it isn't that easy!

Sigh he wasn't for me. I don't know when I got so picky.

Maybe when you realized you deserve alot better than the drunk who kept falling on you and hurting you? That moment might have been a certain... crossing point because I recall you thinking that was somehow acceptable.

Now you meet people that may not be drunks but still aren't what you seek. I want a relationship too, but they don't solve loneliness. I think dating is cool and all but work on the galpals, the meetup groups, taking a class... I dunno, something to start to fill that hole in the heart.

I think you are doing great.

Sigh he wasn't for me. I don't know when I got so picky.

Maybe when you realized you deserve alot better than the drunk who kept falling on you and hurting you? That moment might have been a certain... crossing point because I recall you thinking that was somehow acceptable.

Now you meet people that may not be drunks but still aren't what you seek. I want a relationship too, but they don't solve loneliness. I think dating is cool and all but work on the galpals, the meetup groups, taking a class... I dunno, something to start to fill that hole in the heart.

I think you are doing great.

Sigh he wasn't for me. I don't know when I got so picky.

Totally. That was a rebound relationship for sure and a hard learning experience. I was with my kids dad for 7 years and I never even looked at another guy. He was bad to me but I truly loved him. I tried so hard to make it work with him. It was a really tough decision to leave but I had no choice.

After that I was alone 6 months. When I started dating again it felt sooooo good to be able to love someone again and be loved... But I was SO on the rebound. I wasn't looking out for red flags and I fell in love super easily with that guy the alcoholic. He was really funny, for one, which is a weakness of mine. I was vulnerable and high on the feeling of affection.

Anyway that was a rough relationship too and now that I'm past it, I'm in a much better place. I'm looking for someone who is really worth it on multiple levels. My priorities are my kids and my career. If I'm going to invest time in someone they have to be the right fit and be able to contribute to my life, not take away.

Dating is fun but I do want a boyfriend. I prefer to be intimate and close to someone. I want to be with someone who knows about my food issues and is supportive.

But I'm not even going to settle this time. I'm happy to walk away from red flags. So yeah. I've learned something this year!!

The right one will come along. )

I want a boyfriend too, someone who knows my friends, I know his, we have each others backs we love each other. I married my high school sweetheart and was divorced less than 2 years before I partnered with my long term love ( I still consider him my best friend and a terrific man) so I have spent my whole life as part of a couple. It is what I was raised to be but I am having to come to grips that it may not happen. So I've been enjoying my single time and somewhat sadly starting to realize that my life plan is a solo one. I am not saying that has to be your story, I am just saying it is better to be solo then with the wrong one. I am tired of wasting time on the 3-4 month relationships that never turn to deep love. I gotta lot I want to do in life still and I am not going g to waste it pining for some elusive life partner.

No insult to the many fine men on these forums, but alot of guys over 50, single, don't actually seem to know what a loving relationship is. I have loving relationships with my sons, my friends, even my ex...so while I may suck at finding a life partner I DO know what love is.

The only really sad thing is that my.mid 20s sons seem to have adopted a similar. ..shall we say lack of faith that it is even possible.