I'm cautious in writing this because I know I've blown it and really don't need any guilt or shame. I have plenty of it to go around.

I became ill the beginning of September with a severe case of pneumonia for which I was hospitalized. I was due for bypass on September 23, and that obviously didn't happen. I'm only now beginning to feel better, but am heartsick and so disgusted with myself.

I got on a scale and have gained 25 pounds in the last two months! I had been steadily losing weight for a while but blew it while recuperating!

I had hoped to have surgery this year, but am now scheduled for January 7. I'm so determined to turn this around and have eaten no sugar and moderate portions for the last six days.

I use the name Choosehope because I know it is a choice, but oh the mind games! The self-doubt. The self-loathing. Even ambiguity and apathy about the surgery. My mind keeps telling me I'm one of the people who will fail. I also have to get this 25 pounds off before surgery. Can I possibly eat "right" for two months (with Thanksgiving and Christmas in the midst)?!

If you ever had dreams of being a cheerleader, team Choosehope really needs someone rooting for them! I need to stay honest and accountable while also being told that I CAN do this! Before I got sick, it was just a few weeks away, and I was so pumped! Now it seems so far off and impossible. I've been avoiding this forum as it just made me look in the mirror even more. I'm back because I need your encouragement, strength and hope.

Sorry for the long post. Thanks for

listening!

Trying to ChooseHope!

I am so sorry to hear that you have been ill. It must be so disappointing to have your surgery delayed so I understand how you can be discouraged. My surgery was delayed while I lined up financing. While I was disappointed, it ultimately worked out for the best.

I hate to hear anyone talk so negatively about themselves. We are all human and do not deserve less than the kindness and caring that we would show toward others. Negative self-talk is not productive and will ultimately keep you from being successful.

Do you have some specific goals for helping you prepare for surgery?

To prepare, I did several things that really helped. I tried to pick one or two goals to focus on at a time. They included:

Weaning myself off of caffeine and carbonation.

Increasing my Water to at least 64 oz a day.

Exercising 60 minutes a day.

Tracking my food.

Eating mindfully (taking small bites, chewing slowly, etc.).

And

Trying different Protein shakes.

Now is also a good time to start journaling if you haven't done so already. Try writing about why you want this surgery and what you want your new life to be like. It will give you something to look back on when you feel discouraged.

I find if I find some positive action to take toward my goal, I don't feal as hopeless and helpless.

You can do this.

@@choosehope,

I'm sorry that you were sick and your surgery was postponed. I'm glad that you're feeling better from having pneumonia.

I want to encourage you. You can do it. And don't be too hard on yourself. I believe you can do it. You will lose that weight. You will have surgery. You will be a success story. We are here for you! ????