I have been on several dates lately and it's amazing me how often the subject of my weight is coming up.

These men seemed intrigued and extremely attracted to and mesmerized by my thinness. They talk about my weight and how little I eat as such a plus and make sure they let me know how they don't like overweight women and they talk about their own weight a lot to the negative even if they are thin.

Is there a breed of men especially attracted to underweight women? Because I seem to be attracting them in droves and it's a very weird feeling to me.

I feel like for one I could never let these guys know I used to be overweight. They are so fixated on my shape and I feel totally uncomfortable thinking of what their reaction might be to know my history. I'm sitting their wondering how far their desire for perfection goes. I find the attitude pretty repulsive and walk away knowing I could not date these guys.

In fact it's gotten so bad I'm finding myself seeking out and wanting to date an overweight man because I find his attitude about his body more attractive and it comforting to be with someone that is overweight. It's more familiar to me and I feel like they would be less likely to judge my history.

The attention I'm getting from men seems so biased towards my looks. It's making me feel really weird. I'd hate to have to burst their bubble with the truth and I also hate the idea of only being seen for my physical self.

I'm not saying it's all the guys I've gone out with, but I am definitely running into it. Like these guys are groupies for modelesque type women and I'm suddenly in that status.

It bothers me to hear them put down overweight women. I happen to find overweight men and women attractive and I make sure and tell them that.

I went to dinner with a guy tonight and both him and the waiter teased me about how little I ate and he even told me how his daughter is overweight and her thighs are big and how him and his ex wife tried to intervene and help her by sending her into counseling. Poor girl.

I want to be skinny but I don't want to be in this kind of club.

A guy goes out on 3 dates with different women to hopefully find a woman he would like to marry.

He asks the 3 women the same question, "If I gave you $1 million dollars, what would you do with it?

The first woman said: "I'd buy us expensive cars, expensive jewelry and go on luxury vacations with you".

The second woman said: "I'd keep 1/2 and give you 1/2".

The third woman said "I would buy a modest house as an investment for us to live in and take the remainder of the money and invest it wisely in diversified stocks for us to retire on, one day".

Q) Which woman does the guy want to marry?

A) The one with the biggest tits!

This is only a joke, sorry if it just lit the fuse of a few people (sizzle, sizzle, sizzle).

The joke can also be written: "A woman goes out on 3 dates with different men to hopefully find a man she would like to marry", but with the guy's anatomy in the last sentence.

This post was starting to take ugly turns, so a little humor was in order.

Edited October 24, 201510 yr by 4MRB4PHOTO

I'm not even sure what to add. But I wanted to say something.

Men are weird and when they are nervous they say weird things.

My husband is such a chubby chaser I don't know what's going to happen after I lose weight.

I commend Bella for getting out there and dating after what she's been through. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.

The term skinny is so subjective. People fat shame celebrities when they gain a few lbs. They lose the weight then are criticized for having an eating disorder. No one can win.

To some Bella may be "just right" to others she may "need to eat a cheeseburger" and to some people still "she needs to eat a salad".

No. One. Can. Win. Everyone has different expectations on what they define as beauty. It's about being happy with yourself and the rest will fall into place.

The book is called The Game, written by Neil Strauss, documenting his time as a Pickup Artist with Pickup Artist Guru, Mystery. Neil Strauss has since married and says that he wishes he'd never written such hooey.

@SleevePerry@SleevePerry

Never mind. The edit system is stinko. Please see below.

Edited October 25, 201510 yr by WLSResources/ClothingExch

The book is called The Game, written by Neil Strauss, documenting his time as a Pickup Artist with Pickup Artist Guru, Mystery. Neil Strauss has since married and says that he wishes he'd never written such hooey.

Someone married this Strauss person? What a hoot.

I love the initial caps on "Pickup Artist." Sounds like a job title and it probably paid well even if not in dollars.

To be honest, I'm only barely aware of the book and have never heard the names Strauss or Mystery. It and they may be cheesy or witty or anything between.

i was flipping through a random bodybuilding forum looking for advice and saw some meat head bros talking about how they treat their women...it was so ugly, just like how you describe but worse. so, yes, there is a subset of thin fetishists and fat haters...did you see that recent youtube video with the female "comedian" ripping on overweight people? it's been said already: you definitely experienced an -ism...i ruefully chuckled at parisshel's date experience...people surely show their true colors when they're convinced no one's watching.

Edited October 26, 201510 yr by nieuwevis

I'm am an extremely confident woman who knows what she is looking for...

I am one of the kindest, warmest, and most positive people I know. If you knew me in person, you would know that. I'm a loyal friend and wonderful mother. People open up to me because of my gentle and welcoming nature. I'm a very sweet and accepting person. I truly care about people and their feelings...

I'm extremely down to earth, my favorite thing to make fun of is myself, I am a dorky and friendly gal that people generally really like, and I love being me...

And modest. Don't forget modest.

So, this is a tangent and I apologize for that. But that line - while I'm sure it was just intended to be a joke - kind of hits that chord where women aren't allowed to be self confident - then they're egotistical. I don't like that. As an aunt to a terrific girl I want her to know those things about herself every minute of every day and to be able to say "Hey! I'm a good, kind, funny, nice person and it's not okay for you to talk to me that way!" and mean it when people are being less than kind to her and I want that for Bellabloom, myself, and every other person on this site. There is a difference between knowing what your strengths are and being happy and comfortable with them (you know, actually LIKING yourself as a person) and being egotistical. There's also a difference between standing up for yourself and being egotistical.

i used to *looove* when strangers would come up to me, on my morning bus ride to school, and say "smile!" and get pissy if i didn’t. screw you, this is my face. it's that same kind of mentality. i get to choose the me i wanna be.

I don't post that often on here any more because there is a group that will find some way to bash someone's post. Blaming you for men being rude is not right. I think you are having to re-learn what you find attractive in men. If something about then is unattractive move on. And men have different preferences just like women do. When we were big we attracted men that like big women. When we get smaller, we attract men that like small women. What they like doesn't matter. It's what you like that matters. Figure out what you want and don't settle for less.

As for the negative posts from the certain group, don't let them bother you. They are no different than the men who try and make you feel like what they do is your fault: and guess what, someone will bash me for this comment.

I don't post that often on here any more because there is a group that will find some way to bash someone's post. Blaming you for men being rude is not right. I think you are having to re-learn what you find attractive in men. If something about then is unattractive move on. And men have different preferences just like women do. When we were big we attracted men that like big women. When we get smaller, we attract men that like small women. What they like doesn't matter. It's what you like that matters. Figure out what you want and don't settle for less.

As for the negative posts from the certain group, don't let them bother you. They are no different than the men who try and make you feel like what they do is your fault: and guess what, someone will bash me for this comment.

I sincerely don't think most people have intentions on bashing people. However, I do think people can be put off by language and word choice. Of course one can sympathize with dating men that are obviously shallow and disengaged. However, the message can get lost in the description. Mesmerizing and model are very not "normal" descriptions although they may be accurate. It definitely lends itself to misinterpretation. Especially when you're wanting the men to look past your physical appearance, you must first be willing to do the same. We've all lost, we're all adjusting, that should be the main focus. ????????

@@4MRB4PHOTO

LOL

As a fellow single women (after an 8+ year relationship, I have now been single going on 3 years) I can honestly say this attitude is EXACTLY where you need to be at to be dating! SO AWESOME you are in that headspace (the part where you mentioned knowing what you want in a man and knowing eventually you will find the right one, not wasting time with people who don't meet your expectations etc...)

I think this is no different than men who ONLY seek out very large women and who 'get off' on them getting larger. NOBODY wants to feel like they are being objectified and only worth what their body looks like.

I am so excited and nervous as hell to start dating again. I realize there are going to be a lot of struggles, and I enjoy reading your posts about your struggles and dealing with dating.

Dating usually stinks, no matter what weight you are. At least these men are showing their "true colors" straight away. Sometimes I joke with my friends that I wish I could sit down with a check list on a first date and say, "Ok this is what I am looking for and things I won't compromise on- if you don't fit, then sorry, I don't want to waste my time" (Lol I've wasted too much of my life in WRONG relationships- I have high expectations as well and won't settle for anything less.

I don't really have an answer for you, but I am here supporting you and cheering you on! You will find someone with the right balance eventually

Edited October 29, 201510 yr by ♥dreamable

no offence to the single people but damn am i glad to be married all this talk of skinny chasers chubby chasers ass hats and rude people make me glad that i never have to deal with any of that ever again

Very interesting dialogue in this thread. Thanks to all. Makes me think I have some issues with "skinny" I haven't begun to examine. Hmmm.

Let's face it, folks. It's just fuckin' weird to lose this much weight in such a short period of time after (for most of us) a lifetime of obesity. And we're undergoing this enormous physical and psychological transformation in an era when people of all ages are obsessed with physical appearance.

WLS in the selfie era -- it definitely has some challenges.

Yes, this thread has been an enlightening read.

This topic of how our obesity shaped the way we view the world--even for those who are no longer obese--is a topic meriting its own thread. I know for a fact that everything I do in life, every single choice I've ever made, is done from the lens of a fat person. When you are fat from childhood (I tipped over into the "fat" category in third grade, and it was all downhill from there), especially in a time when few kids were fat (unlike today, where it is more normalized), it is rare that you grow up relating to the world in a way that a slender person would. This is of course my perception, and there are certainly people out there whose experience differs, but I know that my personality was vastly shaped by growing up fat and therefore different from my classmates.

So when we shed that fat, after years of moving through the world dodging society's slights and insults, we don't really have any kind of touchpoint for knowing how to relate to potential love interests.

It is so very normal that newly-thin people are confused in the dating world. I don't have any solution but I suppose it is like being a teenager again, with all the passion and heartbreak that accompanies that stage of life. You just have to walk through it, learn your lessons, and hopefully come out of it with a great and worthy mate.

I can really relate to this. I went on my first diet in 5th grade. I was overweight my entire life. As I got older, I always have had this things where I assume 99.9% of people are really just assholes. Growing up most people were/are assholes to me.

I thought everyone in life were assholes. All people were just jerks. Then I started going to the bar with my sister who was thin. I remember having this moment the first time- we walked out doors and men would stop to hold the doors for her. People were NICE to her. People came up and talked to her. They smiled at her. They ignored me. We would be out with a large group of ladies at a table and I can remember groups of men would come over to chat with us- only they would chat with everyone but me. It was like they were avoiding eye contact with me at all costs, as if I wasn't even there. It was so hurtful and devastating to my self esteem.

My weight has completely shifted my perception of the world and it's one of the things I struggle with the most. IN some ways, I enjoy knowing who the jerks are and think I am better off without them in my life. Once my weight goes down though, I won't have that physical filter there, and it scares me a little bit.

This is something I think people who have never struggled with obesity understand- just how much it changes and alters nearly EVERY aspect of your life.

no offence to the single people but damn am i glad to be married all this talk of skinny chasers chubby chasers ass hats and rude people make me glad that i never have to deal with any of that ever again

LOL believe me, as much as I have enjoyed being single, I finally am feeling ready to get back out and start dating. Although I don't feel right at this moment is the right time for me, I am still a little terrified at trying to date without the 'cover' of my old body. Having said that though- I AM SO EXCITED to actually get dressed up and go on dates. I know I am going to look amazing (because I already know and believe I am beautiful!) and that makes me so excited to date again.

It really feels good to finally be taking care of myself, instead of everyone else