For all you single ladies out there, or ones in relationships that could be better... And even the married ones. This topic applies to all of us women who may have lost touch or never understood how to value ourselves.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about self worth, what to look for in a potential partner, and how to make sure I respect myself and demand respect from others.

When is was younger, I settled for men who were not good enough to be with. I did have standards for myself and I knew what I wanted in a man, but I never went for that. After a series of boyfriends who didn't respect me I settled for the first man to get serious about me. And that led to years of an unhappy and abusive relationship.

Being overweight young, or simply struggling with insecurity, sets us up for bad relationship choices. As I gained weight my standards for myself and what I would put up with only got worse.

There is a fear that one is not worthy of love from a high value person. Only the broken men made me feel comfortable because I was so insecure.

I'm setting out to change this. I recently got into a relationship with a person far below my worth and dropped my standards for myself almost immediately for him. After surviving my 8 years of hell with my kids dad and losing all this weight, here I was again in the same situation!!

This needs to end.

I am creating a list of "standards" for myself based on how I want to be treated, what i will and won't do in a dating situation, the values I must have in another person and the reasons I deserve these things.

I'm building a framework for my own worth and self confidence to keep myself reminded that in my search for a partner, there is a destination in mind.

After losing so much weight I feel like a different person. I won't repeat the patterns of insecurity that ultimately led to my unhappiness and weight gain.

I want to set the bar high and this time, no settling for less than Im worth in love and life. I know it's up to me to set the standards by which I'm treated!

Edited September 27, 201510 yr by bellabloom

Good for you!! After my divorce, I dated a bit - but wasn't really sure what I wanted. But quickly learned that it was ok to not be sure what I wanted yet - but always be sure of what you don't want and be strong about that. And knowing what you don't want or won't tolerate leads to learning what it is you do want.

Work on yourself. Don't worry about what you want from some man.

I guarantee if you concentrate on what you want and what your kids need out of life, you're going ton have the "right" kind of men lining up to date you. A strong, self assured man likes a strong, self assured woman and mother who knows she doesn't need a man to make her complete.

@@Babbs "A strong, self assured man likes a strong, self assured woman and mother who knows she doesn't need a man to make her complete. " Darn straight, and well said

It works for guys too.

@@bellabloom - It has taken me a while to learn what spiritually/emotionally healthy people looks like when you are dating them. Take your time during your healing and really start noting the qualities you see in other couples and people you respect. We are all less than perfect, but you will start seeing certain patterns. When a bottom feeder comes into your life, you will spot them faster.

Edited September 27, 201510 yr by OKCPirate