I am considering Lap Band surgery. I am a mother of three and have been overweight since having children. I have PCOS and a very critical uncaring husband. He did not ask me to have the surgery, but he is not interested in me in any way. When we were dating, I weighed around 200 lbs, but was very fit. I had lost 80 lbs due to the death of my first husband and what I call the Triple D Diet, that is Death, Diet, and Depression. We became friends and then started dating. He even made the comment when we were dating that he was afraid that I would "let myself go" if he married me. To be honest, he has been nothing but a thorn in my side since we got married. He lost his job, had to finish his last two classes of college, one of which he failed! I got pregnant right away, and I swear I think he just wanted to have a child. He was 37 when we got married and had no children. Now I have a condescending husband, three children, and a lot more stress than I did before. I'll keep the baby, but I swear I don't know what I'll do with my husband if I get this band.

I really want to do it, but I'm scared with the risk and having three kids, two of which do not have another biological parent. I want to do this for ME so that I can fee good about myself again.

Is there anyone else out there who has had the surgery but was afraid of the risk?

just thought i would drop you a quick hello .

i am 7.5 weeks post op.. (god i am still counting in weeks )

i can understand you are afraid of the risk, and you sound like you are very alone with all the thoughts and feelings regarding surgery.

I am not sure about the risks, other than my surgeon told me that the healthier you are pre - op the risks of any complication drops . i have always been pretty healthy, so i had no complications at all. infact i was amazed at how well i was,, i took painkillers for about a week.

i was poorly straight after the op, but spent that day in hospital, and when i came home i guess i slept on and off for about 2 days, but after that i was really fine, sore but fine. walking around and going to the shops and stuff. I think the aneasthetic made me feel more ill than the surgery.

I guess i am not very good with advice, but just wanted to try and give you a little support. One thing to consider is ... does you weight stop you from doing the 'mum' things you would like to do with the kids.. I am not a mum ... but i hear so many people say its rubbish not having the energy etc to do fun stuff like swimming, playing in the park etc. Also, i was told that being obese takes about 10 years off your life,, so this is also some food for thought (excuse the pun :biggrin1:)

your home life sounds pretty tough and negative, so i am not surprised you feel down about your weight as well.

i have no regrets about having the op. I have just had my first band fill and i am not experiencing restriction as yet, but i have learned from this site that it can take several fills for that to happen.

take care , you sound like you are a strong person but its hard to be strong all the time, isn't it ?

I was very aware of the risks.

I was also aware of knowing I would continue to add weight to my frame.

I was also aware that I was in a high risk category for stroke/heart attack.

edie

The risk is very small. It is well worth it to get banded. I really hope you can find support here. It will be difficult when you get banded with your husband. He may try and sabotage you. Just stay focused, use the boards. Good luck to you.

Sallen,

I think we all consider the risk....I knew that I had to take the chance that this would work...and so far, so good...I was banded in 4/07 and I have lost 37 lbs...just got my second fill....

Sounds like you have a full plate...three children and a husband that is not there for you...Just do what you need to do ....You might just find that the band is your life preserver...good luck...I hope you come back and post with us....there are some great people at this site ...

Thanks you guys for the encouragement. I am going to my OBGYN next week for my annual exam, and I'm going to ask him for the name of a doctor. I have been reading other threads where women feel the same as I do. The fact remains that I am doing this for ME not him. I want to do it for my physical as well as mental health. I

I won't be to blame if he has to worry every time I walk out the door to go somewhere after I've lost a lot of weight. He knows that he is mistreating me, but for some reason, people think it's okay to treat obese people that way. He has never really considered me actually losing the weight, so what a shock it will be to him when I do it. Then I'm sure he'll be wishing he'd been nicer and more caring, because I honestly don't know how I"ll feel about him when he's suddently interested in me again and treating me better. I have a feeling other people will do the same. Suddenly people will just start being nicer to me. I've lost weight before (80lbs) and this is exactly what happened. I was resentful towards those people. What's so funny is that my husband is not Slim Jim if you know what I mean. He acts like it's okay for him, but not for me.

Only time will tell, but I like this board and plan to use it for support.

Thanks to all.

Keep us posted! how did you lose 80lbs before? I will tell you that the band is not a quick fix. I am not losing weight any quicker than I have on other diets. I am having to watch every bite and have even gained this week after my second fill. So just be prepared that it will be just as hard to lose this weight as it was before!

I lost 80lbs because I was very depressed after my first husband died. I dropped 40 almost instantly, because I just stopped eating. I would only eat when I got light headed and dizzy. Other than that, I ate very little. The other 40 I worked for. I got a personal trainer and worked out every day. I drank Protein shakes and did not eat anything but grilled chicken and salad.

I met my husband and had another baby and gained 60 of it back. Now I cannot afford the personal trainer nor do I have time to go to the gym because my husband complains when I go. Staying on a certain diet is very hard, because I'm cooking for three kids constantly. My life revolves around their three meals a day and keeping their clothes clean. I am a school teacher which is very stressful in itself, so I'm not making excuses, but stress is a major factor for me and no time to take care of myself. Honestly when I was a single parent to two kids I had more time. I love my husband and my new baby, but I miss ME.

I realize that Lap Band surgery is not a quick fix. I know it will still be work. I just think I will stay focused more on myself, because I have to. This will force me to.

If you are losing slowly, don't give up. They say it's better to lose slowly than quickly so that your skin has time to go back to normal.

Good luck.

Wow, we have a lot in common! I have 3 kiddos and I teach school too! I understand exactly how you feel. I think that the hardest thing for me is that I didn't have instant restriction. I got my 3rd fill today, so hopefully that will be enough for me to quit eating like a horse!!

I am 10 weeks out and I have lost 24 lbs. My doctor thinks that is very average.

Have you started the process with a doctor?