I've lurked on the boards long enough to know that many people choose to keep their surgery entirely private, some are very public and some tell a few people. I recently told my team (@work) that I would be taking a LOA for about 4-weeks. I decided that I wouldn't tell them why, but changed my mind during the conversation. I was very prepared for any negative reactions - they did not come. They were nothing but supportive. I didn't realize just how emotional I am over this entire issue (weight, surgery, etc) until I actually started speaking. Typically, I'm pretty reserved, but during this conversation - I felt like crying. Anyway, good experience, moving on..

I told a friend (who had lap-band) and she was interested and not judgmental. She did explain that she wasn't happy with her lap-band, but understood that my surgery was a different tool. This conversation was pleasant and I wasn't emotional about it. So moving on...

I told another good friend (she is overweight) and she was obviously concerned. One of the things she said to me, "I feel like people who have surgery just haven't tried hard enough." I sort-of expected that she might have a judgmental response and was prepared for it. I simply replied, that "20+ years of trying very hard, finding success and weight loss, but not being able to keep the weight off, is very hard work and doesn't indicate any lack of trying on anyone's part." What can one say to that? Not much if they are even slightly thoughtful and self-aware. I went on to explain that she needs to reconsider her mindset - people use the surgery as a tool, not a panacea. WLS is not a quick fix, it's not magic.

With all of the above said, I'm glad I told the people I mentioned. It's a personal decision and not for everyone. If you choose to discuss WLS with others, be prepared for a variety of reactions from them and from yourself.

Best of luck to everyone!

I was out to dinner and movie with a friend and a friend-of-a-friend. I really didn't expect the other friend to be there but I was itching to tell someone and see how it went, so I just blurted out I have some news to share and told them I am looking at WLS. The other friend got all excited because she had lap band years ago and it was the best thing that ever happened to her. I was so glad I shared ... I got a lot of support and a new WLS buddy ???? My mom, dad, and hubby all know and are supportive, too. Only one person has said not to do it ... but after explaining why he changed his tune. I can't imagine I'll lose a friend over this but if I do, it's their loss.

I feel your pain. It is so disappointing when your best friend can't find it in their heart to support you no matter what, especially when you were there for them when they needed you. I just have to let it go and move on. I'm on a mission to improve my health and appearance, and if that means important relationships change, then so be it. My family has been supportive and I am so grateful for that!

I can't imagine losing her over this. We've been through so much together in the last 30 years. Her own sister had the surgery three years ago and she's seemed bitter about it but I didn't think she would have this reaction with me. I've been closer to her than her sister all this time.

I know part of it is that she wants the surgery herself and can't afford to self-pay and her insurance won't cover it. Plus, I originally didn't want the surgery and have been advised to get it now to help with fibromyalgia pain and some major co-morbidities that will certainly take my life within the next 10 years.

I just don't know how to fix this and I'm devastated. I really needed her by my side through this.

Edited June 25, 201511 yr by Ktprimo

I told my parents and siblings who all live far away from me and they are all very supportive. My husband is very supportive, but I chose not to tell my mother in law (age 87 and she is her center of the universe and so very judgmental and negative). My husband finally told her during my first week out after asking over and over why we weren't taking her out to dinner, etc. She got so mad after hearing I had sleeve surgery that she hung up on him and didn't call me for about 10 days. Aaah! Peace and quiet to heal. Anyway, she finally called, apologized and said she wanted to take me out to lunch to make up for it. (LOL). I explained that I was only allowed to eat liquids such as strained soup, etc, but she said she was sure I could eat some Pizza or bagel and lox. Sigh! We went to lunch and it was painful but I found some soup I could eat and that's the last I've heard from her. ????

Oh yeah. I told my daughter who fully supports me through this and I told my boss and my work team mates who are all very slim and lovely. They have all been very supportive and kept in touch to check on me during my time off from work. I also told my 2 best friends I've known for 48 years and they have been great! I'm a very lucky person! I don't care who else in the world knows or wants to know. I'm not telling anyone else. ????

I decided to be very open about my decision. I expected people to tell me that I really don't nee that extreme of a solution as my BMI is around 34 at the start. I was amazed that no one said that. Guess I look fatter than I thought! LOL I know many had doubts about having it done in Mexico. I does sound kind of sketchy. My experience could not have been any better and I only wish I had known about this years ago.

I told my parents and siblings who all live far away from me and they are all very supportive. My husband is very supportive, but I chose not to tell my mother in law (age 87 and she is her center of the universe and so very judgmental and negative). My husband finally told her during my first week out after asking over and over why we weren't taking her out to dinner, etc. She got so mad after hearing I had sleeve surgery that she hung up on him and didn't call me for about 10 days. Aaah! Peace and quiet to heal. Anyway, she finally called, apologized and said she wanted to take me out to lunch to make up for it. (LOL). I explained that I was only allowed to eat liquids such as strained soup, etc, but she said she was sure I could eat some Pizza or bagel and lox. Sigh! We went to lunch and it was painful but I found some soup I could eat and that's the last I've heard from her. ????

OMG!! Your mother-in-law sounds like mine. You poor thing!

Edited June 24, 201511 yr by Ktprimo

I too am struggling with who to tell. The biggest decision is whether to tell my mother. She has always been my biggest critic regarding my weight but, I know if I tell her, she will just say "you don't have to do that. You just need to quit eating so damn much." So depressing.

That's so hard, but maybe she will surprise you! I dreaded telling my Mom, especially since I was going to Mexico to do it and people have misconceptions about the care there. But as a person who has also struggled with her weight, she shocked me by saying she was thrilled for me! The people in my life have seen me be so unhappy with myself because of my weight and want me to feel better, be healthier and regain some self-esteem. I hope they will support you, but if not you have us... this site has been really great.

Good luck for your op !

I work for a small company and I'm a new employee....I was so scared to tell my manager or anyone here because every single one of them is skinny! That's not even an exaggeration. They're all very thin. So I decided to tell my HR manager first about taking the time off and ask her how I should tell my manager. She ended up being SO supportive and helped me tell my manager.

Then when I came back to work, a coworker was wondering where I had been and didn't want to pry, but she's so nice that I just told her. And she goes "I knew there was a reason I liked you! I had gastric bypass 11 years ago." She had it when she was 18 years old, looks great, is married, and just had a baby -- great inspiration for me and she's already given me advice.

My friends have been supportive. Some of my family is, some aren't. That's been the roughest part.

I've started telling more and more ppl. My best reply to nay sayers is "the reason I'm sharing this with you is not for your advice or judgement but for your support". It seems to shut them down immediately. The last thing they hear is "support" and it naturally results in them changing their tune.