Every day I see new posts from people who feel guilty about "cheating". Some are coming clean about it or are embarrassed about it and amazingly enough, some seem to be bragging or feel empowered by it.

But is it really cheating?

I assume that most all of us are adults here. I also assume that most of us have had, are about to have or are researching WLS. We should know the dietary plan at this point (or there would be no "cheat"), and we should also know the risks associated with eating off plan pre or post op, yet every day people ask if what they are doing is OK and/or look for justification for their actions.

What in the world? It truly makes me scratch my head.

To me (and this is just MY opinion), there is no CHEAT. It's a CHOICE. I chose to have this surgery. I chose my surgeon because I trusted his skills and his knowledge. I chose to have sleeve over bypass or band. I chose to limit the amount that I can eat and drink by drastically altering my body. I chose to eat right 100% of the time on my pre-op (yup! not lying!) and I chose to eat right 90% of the time post op until my doctor said I was free to do otherwise.

I think it's FINE to ask your surgeon/NP/NUT questions if you think you are ready to do anything other than prescribed. I think it's OK to question their answers. I do NOT think it's OK to ask a bunch of strangers on an internet forum to justify choices that aren't good ones-- especially internet strangers who are or were in the same boat as you.

If you want to eat and drink at the same time, more power to you. If you want chocolate and bread and shakes and fries, have at it! If you lick a dorito or chew it up and spit it out, good for you (not really, but...)

I love the "coming clean", I love asking for support, I love asking for coping ideas. I just ask that you take a moment to ask yourself if you are truly cheating or if you are making a CHOICE to do something you should not.

To me "cheating" is an old diet term. Remember when Weight Watchers had legal and illegal foods? Diets don't work for me so I no longer diet.

Since I am post-op a few weeks, I have a plan. I have a variety of foods that are on my plan and the variety expands weekly. I prefer to focus on what I can have. It is a choice. I hope I will make healthy choices and the more I understand my choices the more likely I am to make the right ones for me.

To me "cheating" is an old diet term. Remember when Weight Watchers had legal and illegal foods? Diets don't work for me so I no longer diet.

Since I am post-op a few weeks, I have a plan. I have a variety of foods that are on my plan and the variety expands weekly. I prefer to focus on what I can have. It is a choice. I hope I will make healthy choices and the more I understand my choices the more likely I am to make the right ones for me.

So perfectly said.

I'm only 6 weeks out and it absolutely drives me nuts to see a person post that they are a week out and bored with the shakes so they are eating solid foods like bacon (something I haven't even toyed with at this point). I can not understand why you would put yourself through the trauma of a major surgery and lifestyle change only to cheat yourself, undermine progress and worst put your health at risk. And then when people tell them the reasons why they shouldn't do what they are doing they get indignant and say well everyone's different I can handle it...SML.

I'm just a WLS baby and yet I can see through the trees and understand consequences. More to topic, I fully agree EVERYTHING we do is a choice (well unless you have a gun to your head or are being cohersed). If you choose to eat poorly add in some extra exercise or have a lean fish for your next few meals. We are not perfect and I really doubt anyone is ever expected over the course of the life to make all the right choices. You make the choices that are right for you at the time.

Justification? I would hope no one here is searching for that on a public forum.

Oh girl..... You've not been around here much, have you?

I like the idea of licking a dorito. I might try that technique with a pizza and a beer.

I think I have a little more sympathy for the posters who seem to be asking for validation for their bad choices. They know they've screwed up, but they need to feel like they are not the only ones in the world who ever blew it. They aren't really looking for permission, they just want to connect with fellow travelers. This doesn't mean that they don't need to hear the truth, it just means that we should just share our truth without sharing our impatience.

I completely agree that anything you pop into your mouth or any activity you do or don't do is completely your choice. If you're not supposed to eat cake and you do, you made the choice to eat cake. And I've made that choice and it was mine to make all by myself and I don't need to share it or seek advice about it because I already processed what I did and how I feel about it. What someone else does or doesn't do shouldn't influence you. Some people I follow on Instagram or other social media outlets for WLS go eat In N Out fries and shakes and have Starbucks frappachinos almost daily. That's their walk to walk. I don't and won't do that because it goes against my doctor's advice for one, and for two, eating and drinking like that is how I ended up in a bariatric doctor's office looking for help in the first place.

Lmaoooo yes I'm a newbie here. So i guess I'm learning how things go in here. I guess I'm just relating on the obviously we aren't perfect because if we were we wouldn't need the surgery in the first place. Some have a harder time than others so i agree with Icanmakeit. They need to hear the truth but with a little more compassion. Sometimes food as we know can be a mental thing. I feel we shouldn't discourage others from posting what their going through. After all we're still a community and have to support each other right? Or am i being a little too kumbaya-ish? I don't know the dynamics in here yet. ????

@@wascott I would choose to go big and eat the entire Dorito

I think I have a little more sympathy for the posters who seem to be asking for validation for their bad choices. They know they've screwed up, but they need to feel like they are not the only ones in the world who ever blew it. They aren't really looking for permission, they just want to connect with fellow travelers. This doesn't mean that they don't need to hear the truth, it just means that we should just share our truth without sharing our impatience.

I'm not impatient with it at all and I'll admit to being an extremely impatient person. That said, when someone asks the question I wish they would say that they:

• want justification
• want patronization
• want some moral support with a hug and kiss
• want a reality check.

I'm more than happy to skip the first three and address only the last. That doesn't make me a bully, judgmental, or a know it all. It actually says I am truly CONCERNED about their long term well being more than I am their right now feelings.

Lmaoooo yes I'm a newbie here. So i guess I'm learning how things go in here. I guess I'm just relating on the obviously we aren't perfect because if we were we wouldn't need the surgery in the first place. Some have a harder time than others so i agree with Icanmakeit. They need to hear the truth but with a little more compassion. Sometimes food as we know can be a mental thing. I feel we shouldn't discourage others from posting what their going through. After all we're still a community and have to support each other right? Or am i being a little too kumbaya-ish? I don't know the dynamics in here yet.

Oh goodness! I am truly not discouraging ANYONE from posting anything. I am simply hoping that some people will rethink the word cheating and take accountability for the choices they make.

I'm not saying their choices are bad/wrong/atypical, I am simply saying that the best way to deal with them is to own them instead of trying to justify them.

BIG DIFF!

Great post, I believe we (society) as a whole have come to a place where we just can't or better yet won't take responsibility for our own actions and need the justification from others for our poor choices/ actions. I am new to this I had surgery back in February but I followed the "plan" now that said it's tough to be a saint in the city and I've done screwed up bad! But at no point did I "ask" if it was okay to do so. In the future may I ask some of the wonderful people here for advice like I have in the past ? Of course. I just don't know if they are trolls or just ignorant folks but I've seen some really bizarre questions here and that's okay too, if you truly need to know if it's okay to eat the triple bypass bacon jalapeño and nacho cheese burger in between two donuts and wash it down with a soda 2 days after surgery the gracious folks here will help you! That's my rant and I'm sticking to it! Good luck to everyone on their journey!

Edited May 13, 201511 yr by chubbsey1

Good discussion and j think we have 2 issues going on.

I am going to respectfully disagree with some of you in that cheating is a choice yes but that doesn't necssarily mean it not cheating. In my view there's no such thing as accidental or mindless cheating but not all choices are good ones and cheating is (are?) those choices that are bad for you, whatever that may be under your regimen.

For me, eating bacon without nitrites, avocados, cream are not cheats and not bad choices. Thats not true for everyone. Same for sodas, LL embraces those with a straw and thats not cheating for her. For me, cheating is eating stuff I have decided are not good for me but am choosing to do so anyway. I'm cheating on myself with a bad choice, like a brownie or donut. (Donut - slobber yum yum). Or a long island iced tea. Yes I have and no its not a good choice but normally I have planned for it, its deliberate and I accept the fact that it will set me back, and I'm not gonna feel bad. But then I can't grouse about a stall cuz I knew what was coming.

OK second issue, posting. I very much agree that lots of people are posting for confession, accountability, to see how others handle things, to get encouraged away from the dark side or even to get spanked back onto the straight and narrow. They are owning it. I think these are fine, great, helpful.

And then there are others who seem to want approval to do things they know are bad choices, to disregard Dr plans, to binge, not exercise (OK I don't exercise too much and I have reasons but I know its still a poor choice). What makes me laugh though is when these people making deliberate bad choices want approval and fellow travelers for their poor decision choices and then get all crazy when approval isn't given. I believe those people are going to have a really tough time being successful. Make your bad choice, I'm OK with that, but don't expect to get my approval for it.

It's like working with a group of women who are all dieting. My office happens to be across the hall from the break room and my office has the nice, professional quality scale that they all come in and use....while griping about how they can't lose weight, while their plate of cake, cookies, chips and salsa sits on my desk as they weigh. Do it and do it right....don't gripe when it doesn't work for you when you don't.

This comment just won the internet for the day to me!

if you truly need to know if it's okay to eat the triple bypass bacon jalapeño and nacho cheese burger in between two donuts and wash it down with a soda 2 days after surgery the gracious folks here will help you!