Not telling anyone

[megieg 7]

I have decided I want no one to know about my decision to have weightloss surgery. The only issue is what am I going to tell my coworkers when I take off for surgery and they ask what type of surgery I am having?

[AvaFern 3,516]

Tell them you are having a hiatal hernia repair, which technically may be true since a good portion of patients have the hiatal hernia repaired at the same time as sleeve surgery. It really is none of their business, so you shouldn't have to tell them anything, but I have found that lying is far easier than being evasive and keeps the nosy people at bay. It's your health choice and your decision whether or not to tell anyone- if you want to keep it to yourself and fibbing a bit (which in this case may not even be a lie at all) is the best way to do it, then go for it.

[JLMET 40]

I know how you feel, I am self-employed but I held off telling the people I'm closest too until about 2 weeks prior to surgery. I pick and choose who I tell about it because people have such strong opinions about it and honestly, it's none of their business.

My suggestion would be to say it's personal so they don't pry too much, but that's a tough question to answer, I'll be curious what others suggest about it. Good luck to you!

[Bufflehead 6,358]

You don't have to tell them you are having surgery. Just tell them you are taking some time off. If you do tell them you are having surgery, or they find out somehow, I wouldn't lie about it -- that can come back to bite you and erode your credibility and trustworthiness at work. Sample answers:

"It's female stuff" (assuming you are a woman) -- this is true to an extent because most people who are obese are women, and something like 75% of wls patients are women. If they ask you for more details, just say you aren't comfortable discussing it.

"it's really embarrassing, if I told you we would both be mortified" (let them assume you are having anal fissures repaired or vaginal rejuvenation, who cares)

"it stresses me out too much to talk about it, let's talk about something else"

Or if you are super-confident about your right not to have your privacy invaded:

"that's a really personal question. why would you ask me that?"

I just told people at work that I was taking a couple weeks off for surgery. No one asked me what I was having done -- they are smart people and figured out that if I had wanted to tell them, I would have. Also, I work in a legal setting and the people I work with know that they have no legal right to know about my medical situation, so that made it a bit easier.

[B-52 7,113]

I told no one and I'm glad I did....

I simply took a weeks vacation time. Had surgery on a Monday morning, and was back to work the following Monday.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

"Thanks for your concern, but it's personal and I'd rather not discuss it." Big smile. Change subject.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

I have one simple, easy answer to this: change the subject and talk about THEM! Steer the subject so it totally revolves around them, then you must "leave to attend to something else". It works, because people LOVE to talk about themselves. And you get to live your merry life in privacy, just as it should be!!!

[UnoDrea 12]

Sometimes I wish I would have never told anyone.

[acbayliss 33]

I only told my husband, son and one very close friend. It wasn't till I was 2 weeks post surgery that I told my parents or other friends. It was the best decision for me. Those two days in the hospital, I was in pain and would not wanted visitors.

You are doing this for you! You do whatever makes you happy.

[finediva 979]

S M H, really hard. Why do people feel the need to ask people such personal questions? Why do people feel they have to share ANYTHING about themselves? Both questions baffle and annoy me, greatly. I told absolutely no one I've had surgery. There was only one reason. It was absolutely no one's business. Including the teenage I am still parenting. From the day he was born I made sure his financial future was secured and have guardianship in place for him. I could leave my house any day and never return, due to mishap. While I hoped and believed I would return to my child, and my adult children, I did not share my decision to have surgery with them. Almost nine months later, it was the best decision I made. I did not have to endure foolish comment and nonsense from anyone, and NO, I didn't need the support. I went after this process like it was my J O B! I prepared to the best of my ability and self cared from day one. I am grateful that I've had minimal complications and my life is SO much better now. Ok, so the mini rant is over. Told no one and never plan to.

[BloomingLotus 179]

I haven't told a soul about my sleeve. I took a week off from work to "see family out of state."

People are starting to ask about the loss now. I explain that I'm watching what I'm eating and moving more. I thank them for their compliment and then quickly change the subject.

You don't owe anyone any explanations. I know it's uncomfortable to shoot someone down who is expressing concern for you, but you have to do what is best for you!

Good luck!

[Red0413 53]

I didn't tell anyone other than my husband and my mom (she watched the kids while I was in the hospital). I took a week off from work for "vacation". Surgery was on a Tuesday and I was back Monday.

[Tlemke826 15]

I only told really close family. I don't think it's anyone's business but your own ❤️

[finediva 979]

@BloomingLotus. Agreed, but I honestly feel that sometimes it's not concern but just people being nosey and trying to get information. I attend church every Sunday. Two Sundays ago a man who hadn't seen me for months said " wow you lost weight, you have cancer?" Really, he said that! He didn't even give me a chance to respond to the weight loss part. I was shocked? I smiled and said, " no cancer, thank God" wished him a good day and walked away. Still SMH!

[BloomingLotus 179]

@@finediva WOW. I can get snarky sometimes and I'd really have to stop myself from making a face and saying "yeah, cancer" and walking away. I suppose it's wrong to lie in church though!

I think most people are so used to everyone oversharing that it's weird when you don't. My mum had some health issues and I went home to see her (out of state) and my boss asked out of genuine concern "is everything ok?" I said "yes, it will be" and left it there and he was kind of staring at me waiting for more information that I just didn't give. I know he only asked because he cared but I didn't feel like sharing.

It makes it uncomfortable to not share when people almost feel entitled to know more (whether genuine or not). I made the decision to tell no one - not a single person outside of this site. No family, no friends, nada. As awkward as it can be, I owe no explanations.

I'm being polite now but I'm sure as I lose more I'll have to watch my level of snark though ???? I'm impressed that you were as nice as you were!