Only a few close people to me know that I'm planning to have this surgey, my husband, parents, sister, my boss and one close friend at work. Well the rumors have started at work with a few people because I've had so many dr appts and have cut out caffeine. They think I'm pregnant! I have 2 wonderful kids but I waited until I was done having kids to start the process for surgery. I have my clearance appt next week and looking at a February surgery date.

Problem is there boss so I really didn't want to talk about it too much at work but I also don't want people to think I'm pregnant.

Any advice? Anyone in a management position and how to deal with it and your staff?

I'm not sure how helpful this is... we have a zero tolerance policy for gossip where I work.

How about the truth? What I mean is tell them you have dr. apts to keep you on a health plan, and that you've heard caffeine is not the best thing, and it's not their business anyway. They don't need to know anymore than that (they don't even need that much), but with all the HIPPA stuff these days, they are treading on dangerous ground. Hopefully the less you make of it the less they'll make of it. Good luck!

Also, it will become pretty obvious that yoiu are NOT pregnant after your surgery.

I think it's funny when people ASSume things that aren't true. ..I'd let em think it lol

I guess it could have been worse...they could have thought I had some horrible disease. And galadriel535 your right, it will be pretty obvious when I'm on vacation for 2 weeks and come back looking different. I guess I wasn't expecting people to start talking before I even had the surgery. There are only a few woman at work that would possibly notice right away, I have mostly guys working for me who probably wouldn't notice if I had purple hair.

My husband and I eloped. We got knowing looks for about nine months as no one believed us when we said I wasn't preggers.

Let them think it! Who cares? It can only go on for 9 months anyways.

Well, the first thing you should do really is determine what your company policy is around workplace gossip and rumors? It could be viewed as creating a hostile work environment, which is never fun for anyone. Contact your local HR rep. and explain the situation to them and listen to what they have to say, as a manager, I love getting sound advice from my HR rep.

My suggestion is to enjoy your Journey! You could never please anyone anyway. Those who will think you did the wrong thing and those who think you did the right. Those who will envy you and vice versa...At the END of your successful journey you will notice how those same people will be so HAPPY and PROUD of you and wish they could have done it along with you.

Don't listen to the nay sayers....Your the VIP in your journey. Don't stress, just know your going to be the WINNER at the end. Once, you reach your goal and at maintenance, the losing part is the fun and easy part....maintaining the wt loss is where the nay sayers will be ready to pounce. Always keep in mind who you are doing this for---YOU !!!!

HUGS, alese

Bring a bottle of tequila to work and suggest everyone do shots. That should quell those pregnancy rumors!

Lol@ the tequila.

I'm worried about this conversation with others, too. My husband and one close friend are the only people who know. My mother in law is ALWAYS talking about when I'm going to have a baby. (I'm not against having kids, but I've been trying for years and it seems I just--can't. My doctor suggested this as a tool to help with conception.) I too have cut out caffeine and that has her wondering. I also quit smoking, which makes it even worse. But I'm terrified to tell her about surgery because of the "easy way out" mindset. People at work haven't really noticed any of the caffeine quitting and the not smoking, but in a few months when I just...drop weight dramatically I'm afraid they are going to think I became a drug addict. I'm not comfortable telling anyone at work because I work with people in mental health crisis situations and it seems that so many people that have had surgery and also deal with our county's crisis services have either failed miserably and can't get back on track or have become sickly in someway. I don't wanna hear the "but don't you remember what happened to so and so?"...so..I guess I'm just going to tell them I started watching portions and exercising religiously. ..I just hope I don't get sick and have to take any more time for complications or anything.

It seems way easier said than done when it comes to "just be honest."

I want to be honest with everyone and shout it from the roof tops but I don't want to hear the negative comments in the very beginning when I'm not fully adjusted and everyone will think "you did this to yourself" or "you knew what you were in for" or whatever.

It'll all work out, for all of us, I hope!

Edited January 5, 201511 yr by Grateful_Love

That's really insensitive of people, @Grateful_Love. Don't they understand that you might be having difficulty conceiving? People can suck sometimes, even accidentally.

Red--some people really do suck. One time in the early years of dating my husband and one of the few times I had met his parents at the time, I got reamed out for going to the local humane society and handling puppies because "you have no idea what kind of germs they could have!!" His parents have very large expensive full bred dogs, and my father in law took it personally, as if I INTENTIONALLY tried to bring germs in.

The stories I could tell, lol

It is a complete insensitivity. Always always always watch what I eat when over for family dinners because I'm terrified if I grab a cookie they are going to lecture me about my weight. They have good intentions but have absolutely no idea how soul crushing it can be to feel under scrutiny all of the time. So I eat like a bird and cry to my husband (who is also in process for surgery, but is way less emotional than I am about everything, lol)

And the peeps at work aren't insensitive, I think they are really just misinformed. I haven't even given them a chance to be supportive tho because I'm terrified that they won't recieve it well so I just don't tell them anything. And then I'm going on "vacation" ugh. I feel like such a snake about it

Coco Chanel: 'I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all.'

I am an HR "Rep" and if you were to call me about rumors and gossip, I would tell you to simply ignore it. And the only reason you know that people are gossipping about you is because someone came and told you. Tell that person to stop, you don't want to hear about it or talk about it. Just do your job. This is not a hostile work environment, not until you are being bullied, belittled, and subjected to behavior so pervasive that it renders you unable to do your job.

Our admin assistant went on vacation, that turned into a disability leave, for 2 weeks. We are a close group and I questioned if everything was ok. I was told she didn't really want anything known. I let it be. Now several months later and she has dropped a drastic amount of weight, I know she had "SOMETHING" done. But I haven't said anything about it, it's not my business. Just as it shouldn't be any of their's what you are doing. If you don't talk about it and worry about it, they will be forced to drop it.

My suggestion is to ignore it all. If someone has the common courtesy to talk to you directly, my opinion is tell them the truth. I have been floored by how nice and supportive people who find out have been. I tell people that it is not a secret, but it is private. I ask that if someone else brings it up, they suggest the person talk with me about it.

Hiding it suggests it is shameful. Decide for yourself that this is the best course of action for you and you will develop the strength to be unapologetic about it.

You may want to talk with your boss. Having him/her in the loop allows them to be supportive when you don't behave or look like you used to. You can tell them you are concerned about gossip and ask their advice. If they aren't a trustworthy person, i would do as others suggest and speak with HR.

You are doing the right thing and taking control of your health. let that consume your time and energy rather than worries about things you have no control over - like other people's gossip and opinions.