First post here... I really wish I'd found this forum a few weeks ago! My surgery is in FIVE days.

I decided I should write a goodbye letter to my family tonight, and couldn't stop crying during the whole thing. in fact I didn't quite finish yet. I feel awful thinking the worst... and I'm super-confident everything will be okay... but ever since Joan Rivers and her "routine" surgery, I just know I need to tell them all one more time how much I love them if something happens.

Has anyone else done this?

I did some legal stuff this week... setting up living will, and a living trust with my wife. That all seemed so normal and clinical.. it wasn't until I started writing the individual goodbyes stuff that I lost it.

We have four kids... ages 8 to 15. Three girls and a boy. They're all amazing kids, and my family is the primary reason I'm doing this. For myself, too, of course... but really it's for all of them. I love being their dad and I can't imagine not making it for all these graduations and weddings.

I'm emotionally drained for the night... but look forward to coming to this forum tomorrow and really reading up.

Very normal. Commonly done. Your emotional reaction is one I've seen here a lot.

And in five days you'll have surgery.

And then you'll recover.

And then your life will get much, much better.

And that's normal, too.

I just read on another thread that the chances of dying from WLS are smaller than dying from knee replacement surgery, which is also "elective" surgery.

One final thought: I wouldn't give those "goodbye" letters to the kids before surgery. They don't need you to scare them to death. Keep doing what all parents have done since the dawn of time: Fake it.

Edited October 5, 201411 yr by VSGAnn2014

Very normal. Commonly done.... One final thought: I wouldn't give those "goodbye" letters to the kids before surgery. They don't need you to scare them to death. Keep doing what all parents have done since the dawn of time: Fake it.

Thanks! I appreciate the kind words. I'm sure, too all will be well.

My brother is flying in to help me out for a few days. I figure I'll seal them in an envelope and have him tuck it away. I read where one woman chose to give them to her loved ones afterwards anyway, just so everyone knows how she is/was feeling. Not sure if I'll do that or not...

Welcome, and congratulations on making the decision to better your health by choosing this surgery!. I think you are really wise to get things in order, not just because you're having surgery, but because these things need to be done. Anything can happen at any time, surgery or not. Now you have it out of the way and can concentrate on getting healthier. I think it is normal to feel the way you are feeling, but once these tasks are out of the way you can feel confident that you are prepared for anything! Best wishes on your upcoming surgery and recovery!

Best wishes on your upcoming surgery and recovery!

Thanks so much!

Everything you are feeling is normal. Good too. you understand the reality of your choice to have weight loss surgery. You also realize that you cannot keep going the way you are because your health will slip and fail you. It is being caught between a rock and a hard place.

Choosing weight loss surgery is a last resort for all of us who have dealt with addiction to food. It is normal to be scared.

I find it a little interesting that you look at Joan Rivers experience as a reason to fear this surgery. Because when Robin Williams died I went into a slump myself thinking what a waste of good talent and a funny man. He felt he had no way out of his issues. He fought and fought for years. And then gave into it.

YOU are taking a stand for yourself and your families future. You want to be with your family and be there for your children. You need to be proud of yourself and strong because this is a life changer for the best. And it is work! Lots of work! You are not only going to lose the weight but you have some brain training to do to change your relationship with food. I think that you are ready to change your life and get on with it. I am proud of you for taking a stand to improve your life.

I personally have gone through hell and back for this new life and don't regret it one little bit. I am finally living and doing the things I need to do. I can play with my grand daughter for hours and not tire out. She was a huge reason why I had weight loss surgery.

Keep a journal and write out your emotions. Putting your feelings into words can be a great stress reliever. Then when you are on the other side which is most likely. Write down the changes in yourself. The non surgical victories. They are the amazing proof of change.

Your going to do great! Hang in there. We are here for you as your support system like your wife and family are. I feel honored that you took the time to write to this forum and look to those who have been there or about to be there.

You got this! You really do!

Your going to do great! Hang in there. We are here for you as your support system like your wife and family are. I feel honored that you took the time to write to this forum and look to those who have been there or about to be there.

You got this! You really do!

Wow, thanks for such a heartfelt response. This forum is amazing. I'm touched, really.

I started this journey sometime in early August. Funny because just a few days before heading in this surgical direction, I would have laughed heartily at the suggestion that a mere 60 days later I'd be under the knife. I just hated the idea.

For me, it's not actually food addiction that got me here, but some bad genetics, and a severe case of Insulin Resistance that went undiagnosed until late 2012. My body has stored a bit of everything I've eaten for nearly 15 years.

This process has been fast since I'm self-funding, and all of it had breezed by quite routinely until I saw the news about Joan Rivers. Apples to Oranges, I know, bit until that point I'd not really considered this to carry ANY risk, which was foolishly optimistic. Her death rammed home the worst case scenario, but also forced me to consider the reality of what May or could go wrong.

I'm generally not scared or worried though. Just emotional some, and maybe a bit upset I hadn't come to this conclusion sooner.

Thanks again. You're very kind.

Edited October 5, 201411 yr by aSleeveStory

Wow, thanks for such a heartfelt response. This forum is amazing. I'm touched, really.

I started this journey sometime in early August. Funny because just a few days before heading in this surgical direction, I would have laughed heartily at the suggestion that a mere 60 days later I'd be under the knife. I just hated the idea.

For me, it's not actually food addiction that got me here, but some bad genetics, and a severe case of Insulin Resistance that went undiagnosed until late 2012. My body has stored a bit of everything I've eaten for nearly 15 years.

This process has been fast since I'm self-funding, and all of it had breezed by quite routinely until I saw the news about Joan Rivers. Apples to Oranges, I know, bit until that point I'd not really considered this to carry ANY risk, which was foolishly optimistic. Her death rammed home the worst case scenario, but also forced me to consider the reality of what May or could go wrong.

I'm generally not scared or worried though. Just emotional some, and maybe a bit upset I hadn't come to this conclusion sooner.

Thanks again. You're very kind.

I watched a video on Ted Talks about a Doctor who criticized a woman who gained weight like you did because of Diabetes and insulin issues. Then it happened to him and he gained a lot of weight and struggled hard to get the weight off. He had a new view point on this kind of situation. You usually do when it happens to you right.

I am glad that you know the risks. I knew that I could die. My surgeon made that very clear to me. But I had no idea about complications or how much I would change or what I would need to do to get here. I learned along the way and it is a good idea to research all that you can about the sleeve so that you are convinced 100% that it is right for you.

I think you have made a good decision but I say that on the other side of the journey. Lost the weight. Still working on my thinking and life style!

I watched a video on Ted Talks about a Doctor who criticized a woman who gained weight like you did because of Diabetes and insulin issues. Then it happened to him and he gained a lot of weight and struggled hard to get the weight off. He had a new view point on this kind of situation. You usually do when it happens to you right.

It's quite something the number of medical professionals in this country that don't really understand this stuff. I'd been to a number of primary care docs, mostly because I've moved a lot in the past decade, and really none of them understood what I was going through. A chance meeting with a leading Bariatric rock star from Idaho (Dr. Allen Rader) was what brought insulin resistance to my consciousness.

Also quite fantastic the number of people who look at me and assume that I eat 12,000 calorie breakfasts, and drink two gallons of soda a day.

All good though. I'm on a great path and really look forward to the future.

Edited October 5, 201411 yr by aSleeveStory

Welcome to this forum, you will find so much knowledge on here. Besides tips and hints lol. Welcome again...

So now that you're done with your goodbye letters, do this...

Write your kids and wife letters about the future - you'll be able to give them these after surgery. You can explain why you had the surgery...I'm assuming you had it so you can have lots of time with them doing things you want to do. Tell them you'll be more active in their lives - make commitments you tend to keep. Let them know you want them to lead a healthy lifestyle and you're going to lead by example.

Then, write yourself a letter - say goodbye to the old you. Let that "old you" know they aren't welcome in your life any more nor are the bad habits, unhealthy living, etc.

Look forward with a positive attitude - we'll see you on the losers' bench in a few days.

You actually suggested that effectively.

Feel free to surf to my page: ideal weight

Welcome, and please tuck those letters away. After you recover from this surgery, start living each and every moment you can living the thoughts you expressed in the letters. Now that you've found this supportive place, please stay in touch so we can help you and celebrate with you.

It's quite something the number of medical professionals in this country that don't really understand this stuff. I'd been to a number of primary care docs, mostly because I've moved a lot in the past decade, and really none of them understood what I was going through. A chance meeting with a leading Bariatric rock star from Idaho (Dr. Allen Rader) was what brought insulin resistance to my consciousness.

Also quite fantastic the number of people who look at me and assume that I eat 12,000 calorie breakfasts, and drink two gallons of soda a day.

All good though. I'm on a great path and really look forward to the future.

It only takes 300 calories a day to maintain a weight of 500 lbs. Because of our metabolism shutting down. Lack of exercise contributes and health also. it is when we add more Protein and proper caloric intake that the weight starts to come off as the metabolism starts to speed up again. That is why so many over weight people say. I don't know why I am so heavy I only eat one meal a day. It is a vicious cycle!

You will have to eat more often and you will lose the weight. And because you are a male, most likely faster....

@aSleeveStory. Congratulations on your choice to take charge of your health. The sleeve is a very safe operation. Chances are that your kids will *not* have to grieve your death for a long time. You will save them from all that unnecessary heartache. Keep you eye on the prize! Best wishes.

P.S. Joan Rivers didn't look like it, but she was 81 years old!

I had a similar experience right before my surgery. I had never had surgery before so I was extra freaked out. I didn't write letters but I had to put all of my business information and account information somewhere so that if something happened, people would be able to access all of my accounts. Pretty sure I had a little cry fest of my own, but everything worked out fine! A few weeks ago when I had plastic surgery, I updated the information that I had written out a year ago, although this time I was moderately more convinced I probably would make it through.

Keep your letters and read them sometime in the future if you begin to take life for granted again (which we all do!). You will do just fine in surgery. Good luck!