I've been trolling for a little while and posted a few threads. I've seen others get verbally attacked and bullied on this site and all I want to say is don't be a bitch to folks here. Most of us already have suffered some type of abuse in some form or another and it isn't necessary.

Is hurting other people making you feel better about yourself? I thought this site was to build people up ...let's be positive to one another and not hateful there is enough of that in the world already!!!!

I have been following this forum since last August or September when my primary physician referred me to the Bariatric Clinic at Loyola University Medical Center. I was a scared to death newbie, but more afraid of dying like my mother did (abdominal aortic anuerysm at an age not much older than I am now) than I was of getting the sleeve.

Sure, my questions were the typical newbie questions, and my fears were the typical newbie fears, but the only place I could really find comfort was with the people here who had gone before me down the weight loss surgery path.

Of the thousands of posts I have read, very very very few had any kind of mean or judgemental tone about them. Even when I was having a crying jag day and felt that someone had hurt my little feelings, I could see that most of the time they were right even if I had to look past how they were saying it.

We have to consider that everyone here comes from a different place of family upbringing, childhood drama, marriage, divorce, babies, tragedies and triumphs. Someone posted something early on to the fact that her marriage was in turmoil and she was not being treated well. I responded back with this question: Instead of thinking "I love him, so why would he treat me this way?"....start thinking "Why would I love someone who treats me this way?"

I was coming from a place of domestic violence and escaping from a diagnosed psycho-sociopath who kept five loaded weapons in the house, and had escalated his anger from verbal abuse to physical violence. Someone responded back that people are so mean on this forum, and why would I (Miss Mac) want to break up someone's marriage?

Well, no doubt that person came from a place where marriage is forever, no matter how miserable, and a couple just needs to work out their problems and stay together. I am only bringing up this example to show that both of us meant well, but we sorely disagreed with each other.

So, I believe what others are saying. When you put a post out there, it is only reasonable to expect very different and polarized responses. You can't take this stuff personally. Get what you can out of each comment and move on.

Weight loss surgery can leave you anxious, scared, and emotionally vulnerable. Sometimes you just get tired of being strong. So...keep coming back to the forum, keep posting your questions, and hang around for a while so that you can be supportive for the newbies coming behind you.

In 2006, Hillary Clinton released her book It Takes a Village to Raise a Child. That concept is so appropriate for the weight loss community. We need each other to get each other through this so that any one of us can come back with the next success story to lift someone else up out of a slump.

Sorry that this post is so long, but sometimes it takes me a few paragraphs to explain what I am thinking.

"Sorry that this post is so long, but sometimes it takes me a few paragraphs to explain what I am thinking."

Worth reading every word.

Miss Mac. That is one of the best posts I have read recently. Thank you.

Thanks......just paying it forward.

Miss Mac, I can relate. Good post. God Bless.

I love you people on here! I am from Canada, waiting for surgery and feel all of you veterans offering your advice based on personal experience (good or bad) has helped me understand and prepare for my surgery. You all ROCK!! Thanks for being here...with ALL of your responses????

Best wishes!!!

I see patients everyday in clinics throughout NJ....there are patients who take things soberly and to heart, a real pleasure to work with., and then there are people who will come up with every possible rationalization under the sun thinking they can get away with something, at least in their minds....but in reality they are fooling no one but themselves...

I see that behavior everyday on this forum...people just searching for excuses to do something they know they shouldn't, or after consistently doing things and then look for people to tell them it's going to be OK....

How many posts are there concerning Alcohol or pizza??? WHAT does YOUR Dr. say??? Those are 2 that jump immediately to mind...

After a few years you see a trend with this, and unfortunately when a Newbie asks a question they get hit between the eyes as though they were the ones asking the same question time after time.

The written word is limited by people's ability to put what they're thinking into words. Maybe they lack the vocabulary to express what they mean properly, or have regional differences of expression, or misspellings that can change the meaning (and let's not forget that damn autocorrect that is always making my comments sound like so much gibberish!). There is no tone of voice or speech emphasis to help get the point and/or meaning across. Sometimes an innocent comment or reply can hit a nerve, prompting a strong reaction. We all have mental landmines that can trigger an emotional 'explosion' if some unfortunate person hits on it just right. Some people are blunt - they say what they think without trying to 'soften' it. There can be an occasional 'troll' trying to stir things up for fun. And, yes, some people ARE too sensitive.

I don't always agree with everyone on here. But I don't always agree with my own husband of 33 years either. It's not a bad thing, it's just different points of view from different people. It's normal. If I disagree with something I'll try to explain my point of view. If someone takes exception to that then I step back from it. Sometimes I can see another point of view even if it doesn't agree with mine. A difference of opinion doesn't make me right and you wrong, or visa-versa. It's just a different opinion. We can all contribute, each in our own way. :-)

Well said. One time there was a thread about that very thing.........someone was looking for justification for a damaging behavior, and they called those of us who are doing our best to maintain compliance "Goody Two Shoes". Whatever. Let's just do our best to attain good health.

some people are just so bizarre.. my friend's dad finally had knee replacement surgery... he was down to bone on bone. so he didnt listen to the doc about aftercare and was in lots of pain, my friends say, "the doc said you shouldnt be on your feet at all except to go to the bathroom!" he rolls his eyes and says "what, do you think i'm a pushover?" apparently for some its some sort of game to see how much they can defy the doctor and not die. or something. like he's winning if he doesnt follow his aftercare plan... i dont get it. but whatever.

When I reply to a topic I try and give the OP as much information as I can. I will post positive feedback to problems, and cheer on great status updates.

BUT, I feel many topics need to be answered honestly and to the point. Even if it means being harsh and maybe even slightly rude. Some people put stuff out there looking for justification on something they did or are thinking of doing. I feel those type of posts need to be nipped in the butt. Many people like to reply with the whole "everybody does it different". That is a bunch of crap. While we may do things slightly different than each other its more a matter of veering off slightly from the center line. Not veering into oncoming traffic.

So when somebody posts something like "I am a week post op and I just love Cookies so much I am going to buy a box of oreos and eat just a few". My response is not going to be pretty.

For me when I read a thread where someone asks a question if I can relate I respond if not I don't. I have saw many threads where an OP asks if anyone has ate pizza or drank alcohol at a time that seems too early to many people and I have seen many people become what I consider rude and preachy. There are so many different diets out there and when answering a question I take that into consideration. If someone asks if anyone has ate pizza at a month out for me it is rude to say ask your doctor or you shouldn't have had surgery.

When I reply to a topic I try and give the OP as much information as I can. I will post positive feedback to problems, and cheer on great status updates. BUT, I feel many topics need to be answered honestly and to the point. Even if it means being harsh and maybe even slightly rude. Some people put stuff out there looking for justification on something they did or are thinking of doing. I feel those type of posts need to be nipped in the butt. Many people like to reply with the whole "everybody does it different". That is a bunch of crap. While we may do things slightly different than each other its more a matter of veering off slightly from the center line. Not veering into oncoming traffic. So when somebody posts something like "I am a week post op and I just love cookies so much I am going to buy a box of oreos and eat just a few". My response is not going to be pretty.

Smh

For me when I read a thread where someone asks a question if I can relate I respond if not I don't. I have saw many threads where an OP asks if anyone has ate pizza or drank alcohol at a time that seems too early to many people and I have seen many people become what I consider rude and preachy. There are so many different diets out there and when answering a question I take that into consideration. If someone asks if anyone has ate pizza at a month out for me it is rude to say ask your doctor or you shouldn't have had surgery.

I agree with the rude/preachy part. I have seen that as well. Sensitive or not they are still a human being and shouldn't be belittled or talked down to because of their choices. Who do these people think they are?