I initially visited my surgeon to consult for a hernia repair. Because I weighed 424 pounds, and he specialized in bariactric patients, I preferred to go to him because I felt a doctor who was used to doing surgery on someone who was morbidly obese, would be a safer choice than a surgeon whose practice did not have so many opportunities to operated on large individuals.

I had considered bariatric surgery in the past but because I only had Medicare and limited income, I did not believe that I could afford the hospital and physician copays. But based on what his office told me, I began the program with the bariatric diet of 700-900 calories, consisting of 70-80 grams of Protein, 40-50 of carbs, 20-30 of fat, and the elimination of fruits, breads, pastas, etc.

That diet actually began October 3, 2013. Since that date, I have lost 135 pounds on my own, but I have remained indecisive about the surgery.

I flip back and forth between the sleeve, and the lap band, favoring the sleeve. However, the truth is that I am terrified to change my body in that manner. Yet when I consider the lap band and read about all the issues that those patients deal with, I go back to the sleeve.

The day is coming when I have to make a decision since my hernia must be fixed anyway. Most of my friends and my boyfriend are telling me DON'T DO IT. They say I have done so well without it. But I know my history of up and down yo-yo dieting. I am afraid that I have not finally learned the lessons to eat properly and that I will slip back into old habits. I know that these surgeries are merely tools and I have to have discipline with or without the surgery and that brings me right back to square one.

I am 64 years old, tired of being fat, and worried. I am a diabetic, and just the weight I have already lost has changed my insulin needs down to almost nothing. No matter how much I research, I cannot decide. Everyone seems to have great stories of success with the WLS but I am sure that there are people who wish that they had not changed their bodies.

Can anyone help me through my fears and onto the next move? I really fear losing my doctor, he is not into weight loss, he is a surgeon. The more I go over my options, the more I am frozen with indecision.

The bottom line is that I am frightened of the sleeve's permanency, and of failing if I do not have the operation. Yet I know my boyfriend will NOT be supportive post surgically, and I have no family, just friends who are all against what they call, a drastic step.

I am asking for all the pros, cons, and advice anyone can give to me. Thanks.

I understand the angst of which you speak. My husband was against the surgery and I went back and forth for 10 years about this surgery. I'm 59 and could kick myself in the behind for wasting these last 10 years when I could have already lost this weight and lived a healthier happier life. People can lose weight by diet but they can't keep it off... that's why we got so big. The surgery is not easy but it does make it a little easier to stick to the diet and it helps you to maintain the loss afterwards. If I could have done this without surgery I would have done so but I couldn't. I had to have this surgery. Nobody can tell you what decision to make. It has to be your choice because it is your life but if you decide to do it, I am sure your boyfriend and friends will come around and support you with the decision you make. You can't waste time asking them what to do because they are not you and they don't deal with your medical issues. This is your decision...own it and do what is best for yourself.

Good luck.

Make yourself a priority, and if your boyfriend cant support you, shame on him!!

Well, let me start by saying hello, keepingmysecrets.

I AM ONLY SPEAKING FOR MYSELF AND FROM MY DOCTORS COMMENTS FIRST.

I have the lap band and my surgery was in 2007. I was considering the gastric at that time, but I felt that I was not ready and I did not feel there was enough for me to feel safe with that surgery.

I weighed 340 when I had the surgery and I lost 20 lbs, but gained it back. You must go in for "adjustments" to your band as you lose the weight (tighter) or if you were getting sick (looser).

My doctor says the lap band (REMOVABLE/REVERSABLE) has the "highest failure rate", then the sleeve has the 2nd highest. The sleeve is actually the doctor cutting a piece of your stomach out and discarding it. (NOT REVERSIBLE)

The bypass has the most success where they basically (and these are my words) re-route your plumbing. Nothing is removed just re-routed. (IT IS REVERSIBLE IF NEEDED BUT I DON'T THINK YOU WOULD WANT TO DO THAT).

It is all PERSONAL PREFERENCE, and like I have been told and I hear this all the time, you will lose friends and gain friends, and its all about YOU BEING HEALTHY.

I know 2 of my friends who have had this bypass surgery. 1 girl her husband left her because he didn't want her to get the surgery and be "skinny".

For some reason people are saying that you become a new person when you lose all that weight. I am 46 and I want feel healthy, look healthy, and for once buy clothes in smaller sizes.

I hope this helps...Keep in touch!!

Cindy

What does your heart say? Do you have co-morbidities? Have you explored options like visiting with a psychologist to help you sort out your issues? Have you written a list of pros and cons? Done a mind map? As much as we all need support from our friends and family, in the end we have to do the work, and it is work. Have you really talked to you loved ones? You might be surprised to learn that they would rather have you around for longer, feeling fitter and being healthy. There are lots of people on this forum who told very few people, some told no-one.

I chose the VSG because it had the best long term results, because my GP and surgeon felt it was the best option for me and because I had done a lot of research. At the time my problems with bad health due to obesity were just beginning to show but I knew that for sure I would have lots of problems in the future if I didn't do something drastic. I am now 9 months out and have reached my goal, lost over 47kg (100lbs+) I am now learning to maintain. Best decision of, and for my life!

Good luck with your decision making. Alex Brescher who is the moderator/creator of this forum has written a brilliant book, you can down load it. It was one of my deciding factors.

First, congratulations on your weight loss thus far! That is quite an accomplishment.

For me, part of the reason I am getting the sleeve is to stop the yo-yo dieting. I feel like a need a tool to help me maintain my weight loss (once it happens) as much as I do to loose the weight in the first place.

You know yourself best. Trust your heart and head. Try to tune out other people and listen to your own mind.

Best of luck to you.

I want to thank all of those who have responded so far. I understand completely about the not being able to keep it off part. As to the boyfriend, although he may adjust later on, I already know that he will have zero sympathy as I recover if I happen to not feel good and will only say "I told you not to do it". He worked against me as I began the diet but I did not let him stop me although he did everything he could such as eating every dessert, food, or drink that was forbidden to me. But I knew that I had to do something because at 424 pounds, I could not even bathe myself properly.

So I began, alone and discouraged but determined. I am a strong woman, but basically one unsure of taking major steps without any support. It is one thing for someone to remain neutral and non-supportive, but he will become punitive if I complain about anything post surgery.

The only thing that happened with him was that he finally became supportive of my dieting and actually began to eat things I could not have out of my sight - and even one day when I wanted to shuck it all out the window, he encouraged me to stay the course. All this will go out the window though if I have the surgery and am sick, have any complications or need more emotional support from him. I have no family left, just a few friends.

One friend, a nutritionist, does not even support the bariatric diet that I have been on, considering it too severe. And lately, I have become tired of the same carbs, the same foods, etc. On my limited income, food choices are limited at times.

Anyway, my surgeon suggests the sleeve. I have hypertension, and diabetes, and I was beginning to show slight kidney impairment, (which went back to normal as I lost the weight on my own).

I am afraid of losing my taste, of never being able to enjoy a steak, of having a strange complication (one person I met said that she could never eat shell fish again because the taste did not agree with her), of getting dehydrated, of never enjoying another evening out with friends at a restaurant, and finally, of ending up with even more limited food choices than I already have.

I have passed the cardio clearance, the echocardiogram, the EKG, the two exercise classes necessary, the psychiatric clearance, the gastroenteriologist clearance, and I have written the personal letter, and listed all my previous attempts to lose weight, and the only things left are the chest x-ray, pelvic ultrasound, and sleep study.

The walls are closing in. I will be seeing my doctor in the morning, in about 10 hours and hope that he will help me, but his bedside manner is generally short and minimally comforting so I don't know how he will respond.

I am happy to have found this site, and again, thank you all for helping me. I will check back again to see if there are any more replies as soon as I get back from the doctor's tomorrow.

BTW, my given name is Nancy.

To Businessmom: My surgeon says he only does two now, the lap band or the gastric sleeve, he no longer does the other surgeries so those are my choices.

And to Jenpez, my heart says if I don't get one of these surgeries, I will gain the weight back, and that the sleeve is the one best for me since I do not want the issues of stuck food, multiple adjustments, and having a foreign object in my body.

But the sleeve has its own issues as well, both of these surgeries have complications, as well as pluses. I never thought of myself as indecisive but here I am.

Hi nancy,

I am new on this journey as well. All I can say is that you have to live your life for you. If you have health problems that are shortening your life the decision for the wls makes sense. Your boyfriend would have to get it together to become supportive or if it were me I would be looking at a few changes in my life. I have had a few people that are against me having surgery because of the risk involved. My response to them is how risky is it for me to stay at a weight over 500 pounds. I hope everything works out and you are able to make the best decision for YOU. Best of luck in your journey.

Hi Nancy!

I hope your appointment goes really well tomorrow. I don't have much time, but I'm compelled to respond to one part of your post and that's the part where you talk about fearing not being able to go out and enjoy yourself at a restaurant, etc.

I have a silly analogy that I use for the sleeve: Getting sleeved is like finally getting over your Jerky college boyfriend (who always had so much power over you & could make or break your day). After youre sleeved, you dont hate him, you still have fond feelings & you wish him well , etc. , but you aren't OBSESSED & you just feel blessedly neutral with a hint of "what did I ever see in him?" It's so LIBERATING .!

I know that's a little flip given the juncture you're at, but it has been my answer as my loved ones have asked me "are you sad that you can't feast at the holidays?? "Is it depressing?" and "do you ever regret it?" (So I thought I'd speak up:).)

Very best to you! Let us know how your decision unfolds...

Congrats on your choice to be healthy I would personally choose the sleeve the band has so many problems and very few doctors perform it because of that same reason, you want to be healthy and you deserve to ge healthy, I would not care what anyone felt it is your life and the quality of life is how you decide to live good luck .

@@keepingmysecrets Hi Nancy I just recently got the VSG surgery after going back and forth with myself for years (the first time I was looking into it, I ended up pregnant with my daughter. After that, the timing just wasn't right for one reason or another until hubby got a new job with new insurance that covers almost everything). I can not tell you what a huge relief it is to finally have gotten the surgery and be moving into my new life. I can't really help with the decision between lap band and sleeve, but the fact that I won't need constant adjustments was part of my reason for going the sleeve route.

Much like your situation, my bf does not agree with the surgery. At all. He says he understands why I got it (the health issues, which I was just starting to get), but he's very doctor-phobic and hospital-phobic. He's been really good about my recovery, however, but he does have a lot of the same worries about me that you're expressing for yourself. And frankly, I think he's a little scared that as I get healthier and adopt a more active lifestyle, I will move away from his more sedentary interests and lose my love of gaming (one of the things that brought us together).And if that happens, it will happen. I feel kind of philosophical about it at this point, because I can't change his attitude (nor should I...his feelings have validity to him, and all I can do is tell him how I'M feeling), but I can't let his attitude make my decisions for me. This is about me. My health. My life. Me wanting to be there to watch my daughter graduate, go to college, become a vet (her current dream). I could not do this on my own. I needed another tool (or two...since I'm still in therapy as well, and she's certainly another very good tool in this battle)

Either your bf will accept you or he won't. Don't make the decision for him. Make it for you. Ask your surgeon or their staff about local support groups (aka find new friends who will be supportive) Either your old friends will accept the new you or they won't.

And having the sleeve doesn't mean you can't go out and eat. It means you can't go out and eat the same foods you were eating. It means finding healthier choices and bringing home leftovers. Or having a few small bites off someone else's entree (as a family, we almost always Celebrate birthdays by going out to a nice restaurant.)

And as far as limited choices and feeding on a budget, I feed a family of six on a shoestring budget: a little goes a very long way with what I'm eating (or drinking...I'm on the full-liquids portion of the after-diet) Coupons are your friend for stretching your food dollars as far as they can go. There are a lot of really good recipe sites out there that will keep you on track calorie-wise, and give you some different tastes to avoid the "ugh, not this again" feeling. I found http://twosleevers.com/category/recipes/ and http://bariatricfoodie.blogspot.com/ for two, and I'm really looking forward to trying some of the recipes I've found on there. Inexpensive, but they look really tasty.

Well, I saw my surgeon today and talked over my fears. He helped me understand that things would likely get so much better for me if I have the surgery. We both agreed that the sleeve was my best option. So far I have no surgery date, right now I will be scheduling the sleep study.

I had lost 14 more pounds since he saw me last month and for the first time ever, he told me how proud he was of my sticking to the diet. I told him that sometimes it is so tough, that I would like to have something like a slice of bread or 1/2 cup of peaches. He told me that I could pick one day a week to eat something I normally could not - obviously, we are still speaking of healthy food here, not candy or snack foods. That made me feel better, I will pick Saturdays since that is the day I weigh myself at home each week.

So the bottom line is that although I am still scared, I am proceeding on faith that the surgery is the right move to make. If you all do not mind, I would like to come by now and then to post my progress.

Nancy

@@keepingmysecrets Bravo for you Honestly? I was a little scared too...but so much more of me wanted this and it is so worth it. Please do keep coming by...there is so much valuable information on the forums that will help alleviate your concerns and help prepare you for your surgery. I am incredibly grateful that I found this place. It helped me immensely in my presurgery prep.

Nancy I think you're wonderful.

I think you're a tough lady and will be just fine and a much healthier you.

I hope you boyfriend appreciates and loves you for trying to be a healthier version of you so you can have many more years together.

Good luck and I hope you return with progress updates!

The choice to alter your anatomy is a big decision. Congrats on your weight loss, so far. That's awesome. I struggled with a lack of support as well. I got all sorts of negative responses... "You're not THAT big!" I come from an obese family, and I was considered smaller. LOL I wasn't happy though. I had sleep apnea and depression. I avoided seeing people because I was embarrassed. I had a VSG and couldn't be more pleased with mmy decision. If you already have comorbidities and have struggled your entire life, WLS might be for you. I did it for me and me only. Best of luck with your decision.