I don't know why! But this topic is stuck in my head today and no matter where I am on the forum someone brings it up:

Does it really matter how big you were when you started to take this journey? Should I be more ashamed of myself then someone who weighed 330 lbs. Instead of my 380 when I started? Should I feel like I have committed some kind of crime against myself or mankind because I was at a higher weight when I started then a 250 lb member that goes on about how ashamed they are about who they were..

Isn't it the most important thing that we have all in fact started to take an interest in our personal health and well being without making others feel like they should hang their heads in shame because they started higher then you did....Maybe not intentionally saying it but it comes across that way!

I thought that as a family we would be there for each other and support each other even if you have 50 lbs. to lose. To you it is a huge amount. I understand that we all have our own mindset about how we look and how we feel about ourselves.

Then on the other hand does that make me special because I have almost lost 200 lbs. Should I have been on some show for extreme obesity...i just don't get it.

I don't get that people are afraid to show who they are becoming with pride. Keep the past where it is. In the past and Celebrate what you are becoming or have become.

When do we celebrate the good that we have all done..When do we stop feeling like we don't deserve it or that I am a failure even before I start because I weighed this much....

This is real life not a script to be followed. This is you and me. Real people..Real health issues and have had the courage and grit to work hard to fix ourselves and stand out.

We are all different as I said but I am not going to feel bad because I was more obese then you when I started this trek. And I don't like it when others without realizing it make me feel bad because I was.....

It should never matter what the number is, but that you feel better about yourself and are getting yourself healthier! I think that's what the majority of us that use this forum as our social network to be able to support those of us that need a person that knows how hard the gain/loss struggle truly is. Good luck and we are here for you!

I guess I had a moment @@Madam Reverie It is part of the human condition....I stand corrected in that you have pointed out that it is me that is the issue here. My perception......oops!

No hard feelings here Rev's always a pleasure to hear your side of it all......You rock!

I love you, too, Rj.. But seriously.. you're better than these superficial insecurities.

You know this. We know this.

You're our bariatric mother, after all.

And that is meant with deep love and affection.

No surrender, my love. Ever!

Big hugs and kisses xxxxxx

Now, who wants to get into it with me tonight. I'm ready. OH BOY! AM I READY!!!!

"Ultimately, we all laid our arses down and got some borderline Aspergers candidate to remove 85% of our stomachs. "--

• Madam Reverie

My favorite Revs quote of the week! You kill me, girl.

Edited May 1, 201412 yr by Teachamy

"Ultimately, we all laid our arses down and got some borderline Aspergers candidate to remove 85% of our stomachs. "--

• Madam Reverie

My favorite Revs quote of the week! You kill me, girl.

LOL I'm so sorry, sometimes it's just a vomitorioum of inappropriateness that leaves the ends of my fingertips. Particularly when I'm riled.

But on reflection - it's kinda true, isn't it?! x

I guess I had a moment @@Madam Reverie It is part of the human condition....I stand corrected in that you have pointed out that it is me that is the issue here. My perception......oops!

No hard feelings here Rev's always a pleasure to hear your side of it all......You rock!

I love you, too, Rj.. But seriously.. you're better than these superficial insecurities.

You know this. We know this.

You're our bariatric mother, after all.

And that is meant with deep love and affection.

No surrender, my love. Ever!

Big hugs and kisses xxxxxx

Now, who wants to get into it with me tonight. I'm ready. OH BOY! AM I READY!!!!

Guess I just had a bad couple of weeks...You know like you! Had to deal with all the crap life hands you and come out on top.....Felt a little off set...Going back to the hospital for 6 more days kinda threw me back into a dark feeling of misery....I will try my very best to remember what you said! Thanks again Rev's

Those dark places.. i live in them, for different reasons...

Your reasons, however, are more valid than mine ever were,,,

Stay strong, sister xx xx

Okay, I'm tired, emotional, I love you Rj - but.... Who the f**** cares. Whether you started at 5 billion pounds, or started at 20lbs overweight. We've all been on this site long enough to know that the milestones we reach are all BMI related. Those that start higher, lose more. Those that start lower, lose slower (and this is a caveat, without complications). Particularly if you have such nasty afflictions such as thyroid or PCOS issues. (Ad infinitum) I couldn't give a rats ass about someone's 'pounds lost' -and neither should you. Its all relative. I am concerned, as selfish as it sounds, about me. And I will look for parity in my results with those who started at the same time as I did, with similar metrics. So some of us were heavier, some of us were lighter. We all have different circumstances which brought us to this point - the point of 'enough is enough' and we took action accordingly. Are you 'lesser' because it potentially 'took you longer' and you started at a higher weight. No, this is a psycho-social issue of which no one has the right to comment, unless they have walked that path. Your path. If it makes you feel bad - it shouldn't. There are many like you. Some, dare I say it, 'worse' if that is the right term to use, than you! Some of us are executive decision makers and largely (scuse the pun) forward looking. Some of us sit in our darkened corners, ruminating and cogitating about whether taking such extreme action (and whatever way we cut it, the decision to have WLS is extreme), is right for us. I love ya, RJ - but this is a non question to most - i.e me. It's a question for you. You're the one who is drawing those comparisons with others about metrics. It just smells like personal reflection. And for the record, I have enough of those demons, without having to validate whether my excess 80lbs are more important or valid, or 'enough' to be ashamed of, than anyone else. Frankly, I couldn't give a rats ass. LL was right when she referred to individuality. It is an individual process. Dazzled by the numbers? Yes, I suppose i was. Through experience and a better than average ability to understand basic metabolic rates, height/weight ratio and food addiction versus capacity issues - I know that MY issues are going to be just as hard and just as challenging than anyone elses. But still, I'm trying. Did I take the decision to do this more quickly than other people? Hell no. It took me 10 years of career progression, working in war-zones, saving a substantial amount of money and more importantly, the TIME to take this out for myself. But, I did it. Because I started out as a 'lower weight' than a lot, does it invalidate (just for LL) my 'journey' (cue non 'stuck' vomiting). It does not. This is a non argument and one, I don't recognise, nor validate - and unapologetically find a bit tedious. Ultimately, we all laid our arses down and got some borderline Aspergers candidate to remove 85% of our stomachs. Glorified skin/organ seamstresses. It took as much courage and situational recognition whether we were 50lbs overweight or 200lbs overweight. Either way, we did it and the loss rates, as long as dietry compliance is adhered to, are the same. I think I've made my point. RJ - this one is all about YOUR perception. Which you are welcome to. I frankly, couldn't give a rats ass about this issue as it concerns me. I'm walking my path as best I can. As previously stated - I look for similar metrics and empathy of particular circumstance. It is largely 'process' related. I can hope for psycho-social parity. But it is unusual. My life and my decisions are unique to me. As they are to you. My experiences are not 'pan-bariatric pal' related and given your heartbreaking troubles with regards to your recovery, they are most certainly unique to you. Stop listening (read 'reading') the noise. It's only a website and it's f******ing with your head. Right... Love and light and most importantly; Peace out <walks off to take a valium as her day has been quite enough already. No hard feelings. I'm just out of patience today>

Well said and I agree with you 100%.

Well that's appreciated... but I don't think it helped Rj any and for that I'm critically apologetic.

I love that chick.. and tonight, I am very .... what do you Americans call it? Pissed? In a 'funk'?.

We all have our insecurities, which rear their heads at the most inappropriate times. For that, I am most sincerely sorry.

One of my oldest comrades (and not in the communist way) was diagnosed with PTSD in the last 48 hours. And he's struggling. We did the same ****. Its made me reflect on the stuff I've done with him. And how I'm dealing with stuff. (And this is an open disclosure as to my profession)

He's a genius in my world... and I would walk to the ends of the earth for him and he, I.

As Marc Cohen said in the song 'Walking in Memphis': 'Tell me are you a Christian Child, 'I said 'Man, I am, tonight'.....

And no, this is not hijacking... this is honest and open disclosure... with a big dose of an apology to the most gracious RJ.....

Forgive me x

Edited May 1, 201412 yr by Madam Reverie

Shame is shame, no matter what weight you're feeling it at. I felt shame as an overweight teen (weighing 165 - my goal weight). I felt shame at 210 in college, at 231 during first visit to the Obstetrician at 29, at 282 pregnant with my second at 37 years old, and certainly at 325. The numbers don't mean much and don't change the feeling of not being good enough, of feeling weak and less than. How do we fully shake that shame? I don't have a clue. Other than what bearman says - say the good stuff til you believe it.

Bleurgh

Edited May 1, 201412 yr by Madam Reverie

You know what @@Madam Reverie all of the things we deal with effect us in the positive or negative. I feel very bad about your friend...Your allowed your pain. Hope things get better for you hun!

When you love someone dearly the pain can be too much to handle.... Sorry again! I hope all improves for you..honest and true!

XXXX

Weight shaming is the American way! RJ you have a unique perspective here and in real life that is extremely important. Please know that you are loved and admired and deserve to be so regardless of your pre-surgery weight or you current weight or any other aspect of your physical state of being. You've gone thru too much to let someone else's issues affect your self esteem. We were all overweight if not morbidly obese pre-surgery. So who gives a rat's butt hole (sorry Revs) what weight somebody started at or how much/fast they lost the weight. Health and happiness is the goal! I know for myself that letting go of the shaming and self-loathing is part of my learning process. (Didn't use the "journey" word, Revs!). I suspect the same is true for many others. So, as you say, lets rejoice and celebrate our courage and accomplishments and start saying "I love you" in the mirror and all that good stuff!

What do you mean b y the term you have a unique perspective? @@Chelenka Hope I don't regret asking that...lol

RJ my dear lady, you nearly died and you've been thru a lot and are still dealing with complications and yet you maintain a positive attitude and express great kindness, wisdom and love to others here on the forum. So it seems to me that you see more clearly what is truly important. So, what were we talking about?

Thank you @@Chelenka !