I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. OK so I woke up on the same side of the bed I always wake up on, but will say that I was really out of sorts in an oddly wicked mood!

I woke up and I had nothing nice to say to the person I passed as I walked out the bedroom door. There she was again in the bathroom mirror so I stuck my tongue out at her. Didn't she know I would rather have my eyes closed then be in the bright lights of the bathroom mirror that just make everything seem garish?!

OK so on the way to the kitchen to feed the cat who is now under my feet and giving me the so far silent meow that will turn into an all out annoyingly screaming meow if I don't get that can of cat food on the plate ASAP I told that girl in the hallway get over yourself! Get it together we got things to do today woman! Maybe there are too many mirrors in my house....

I fed the cat and went about the getting ready for work stages. Washed the face, took a shower put the make up on downed the coffee in the hopes that caffeine would chase the fog away for me today, but no even that morning cup of java was not hitting the spot this morning.

Can you hear that horror movie music playing in your head about now...no? I could!

Now it was time to get dressed, the undergarments well lets just say thank goodness Christmas wasn't so long ago and most of those fit though why I am still holding on to the super sized ones.....

I put the pants on and thank goodness one of the three I keep shuffling through the wash and back were clean and ready to wear. The weather is sick, just like me, been fighting this cold/flu bug since last weekend. Today just for the first day of Spring to be extra special it's going to warm up. Last night it was all of 15 degree's so this morning the fog is not only in my head it's out side and less then a mile visibility!

Yes! Can't wait to take that ride to work today, I bet I can use a butter knife to carve my way there and it would be moving faster then the traffic that the newscaster is screaming about on the TV. Thank god for the off button! I can't listen to one more thing about the snarled traffic the miserable weather or look at her in her hideous "Spring" dress. It's making me angry, cause I can see my reflection in the blank screen where she was standing only seconds before.

Is the bozo the clown look in I'm wondering to myself?! When did the circus come to town and drop all their extra costumes in my closet?!

Nothing fits right, I'm not happy...I'm growling...audibly growling now, my grouchy mood is starting to make me angry and the fact that I can't find something to put on and I'm going to be even later to work now as I change time after time.

This top is no good, OK not this one either it's just too hot today..(wow did I really say that?!) Now I'm starting to sweat as I find a good enough top, pull out a pair of shoes and WTF!!!!! How can my shoes be too big?! REALLY? Am I in a nightmare here...maybe I am still asleep??

Nope, and yet there she was Clarabelle the clown, in her baggy pants, over sized top scary wet hair sticking out every which way, her face all made up, her shoes 2 sizes too big. All I needed was the honker and a bell!

My poor husband came home just then and well.....one opinion (and you know what those are right..every body has one...) wasn't good enough so I had to give him another one just for the hell of it.

I apologized he just walked into my nightmare I should have left the house 30 minutes ago but nope still here. I finally tamed the beast and got her into some decent clothes, dried her hair and at least no one would be calling the Big Apple Circus to let them know they lost one of their clowns today.

So why did my mood not get any better? It's 5:00...and you know I'm already dreading tomorrow and doing this all over again!

My hubby said OK it's time to go and get some new things, but you know it's just not so easy!

It's not another pair of jogging pants and sneakers or a smaller tee shirt. I'm great at home on the weekends. I'm finding it very hard to discard shoes that cost hundreds not to mention the clothes, and things that you had to struggle to find before to fit you...and then shop for stuff that's "temporary" since I want to and will lose at least 60-70 more pounds?!

I am going to need at least a weekend to clean out that closet, and UGH I hate to shop!!!

I thought to myself how over the last few weeks I have been sabotaging myself, eating what I know I should not, and looking for an excuse to be mad at myself and those around me. Why though?

Why am I doing that? Why do I feel like I am not embracing this journey anymore and doing what I should be for me? Yeah I have a lot of crap going on we all do. My partner in crime, my hubby he's going through some major stuff and I can't do anything but be there as a support for him and for me that's super frustrating. I would take it on if I could have it be me and not him, but we all feel that way about the people we love.

I don't know that this feeling is going to change overnight. I hope that at least realizing that I need to make some changes and sharing some of my frustration and anger at myself with you all is a first step. Maybe you feel or have felt something similar?

I don't think I'll ever be a "morning" person, but at least I will promise not to stick my tongue out at myself tomorrow...

I bought three pairs of pants.... Jeans, khaki, black. I bought 8-10 shirts/blouses. I mix and match. Won't buy again until I'm TWO sizes smaller. BTW..... I'm NOT a morning person either.....I struggle to be pleasant until I've had TWO full mugs of coffee.

Friend - everyone is allowed to have these days! I promise if you go and buy just one outfit - A pair of pants, a shirt and a pair of shoes that actually fit, you will feel better. I work at a law firm and I have to dress up. I just had to buy some things for work. I was my old size for over 10 yrs, so I need everything! Nothing at all fits (underwear, bras, pjs, dress clothes, work out clothes, casual things). I didn't have anything really that was smaller than I was. Maybe you can look into a consignment shop for your old clothes & shoes, and maybe also for some clothes to get you by. I have about 3-4 pairs of pants that I rotate too & it sucks. I also want to lose more weight so I'm trying not to spend a lot of $,but I have bought some new things. Trust me, just buy one outfit that fits - it will make you feel so good! Today is the first day of spring & I know that the weather has lots to do with it too wishing you a better day today

Edited March 20, 201412 yr by jamilyne 102668

What can I do to help? Do you want me to come out to you and we'll go do some shopping? I can do that if you want. I swear Lisa...Alfred Dunner slacks are great. They fit me really well and they come in regular as well as short. You can match them up with lots of different tops for work and they're very inexpensive so it's not difficult to toss them when they don't fit anymore. I did that. I'm on the second round with them size wise. Penney's carries them. Let me know if you want a shopping partner and I mean it....I'll come out on the train.

gowalking that is so sweet to offer a shopping trip. I know how she feels some days it's tough . I have had to buy clothes lately again because my big clothes don't fit.. since losing 60 lbs I am very conscious of my clothes. I am lucky that I am able to work at home but I have some luncheons and dinners I have had to attend lately so, gotta keep buying clothes. I am 15 lbs away from where I want to be so I am trying to keep myself from buying too many clothes and yes some of my shoes are now too big.. start next week with a new outfit I bet you will feel better.

What can I do to help? Do you want me to come out to you and we'll go do some shopping? I can do that if you want. I swear Lisa...Alfred Dunner slacks are great. They fit me really well and they come in regular as well as short. You can match them up with lots of different tops for work and they're very inexpensive so it's not difficult to toss them when they don't fit anymore. I did that. I'm on the second round with them size wise. Penney's carries them. Let me know if you want a shopping partner and I mean it....I'll come out on the train.

Do you know I just love you lady do you know that?!!

I appreciate all of you and all the support. I was a good girl today and I didn't stick my tongue out at myself this morning!

I'm a really bad shopper, honestly I hate it with a passion. It's an old left over emotion from years of shopping and trying on clothes with my mother when I was young. Alexanders was the worst place in the world. If they said we were going there for new clothes it was enough to bring me to tears. It meant hours and hours of trying on clothes I didn't even like. It was the 70's did anyone like those clothes?

I started the donation pile this morning, I pulled out those things that just don't fit right anymore, you know the ones you just can't belt or pin anymore. They are going to find a new home where someone needs them. Some of my more "awesome" shoes will find a new home too. I'm not big into selling my things, I'd rather give them away.

I'm headed out for lunch today and I'm going to one store and see what I can find in my size and if I purchase one or two things you ladies are right that will be a big help and I can do that every couple of days and soon I'll have a decent wardrobe again.

I think if I keep the "shopping" to lunch time I'm sure I won't be overwhelmed and miserable and I'll actually accomplish something since I'm putting a time frame on it

That's a good plan. You're right...it's less overwhelming that way. I tell you what my experience has been like this past year. I would buy clothes that fit. I never bothered in terms of 'do I like it'? Just...I need clothes, nothing I currently own fits, so if it fits, buy it. I would look at some of that stuff in my closet after I bought it and wonder what I was thinking??

I have to buy spring clothes soon. I have one short sleeve shirt in my closet and that's the sum total of my spring wardrobe. I will have to remind myself to be more discerning and not just buy what fits. That's why I offered to shop with you if you wanted. When I shop with my sister, she is very helpful in terms of whether or not I should buy something and how best to use my purchasing dollar.

Keep me posted and again, if you want help, just say so.

You are most welcome to come shopping with me any day! We can even go to the outlet stores if you like. They have some good finds and are less overpowering then the mall.

In the past I would send my sister in law out for me. She's great with shopping, has good style similar to mine and loves to shop. The only problem with that right now for me is size, and I'm one of those discriminating PITA's. I have to like it, be comfortable in it, and it has to fit my "style" budget which could be anything and everything at any given moment

So come on lets get our shop on!

OK. Let me know how it goes with the lunch shopping excursions and I will let you know how it goes with me shopping in Florida and we'll set something up when I get back for what we city gals lovingly call 'suburban shopping'. I have to come out to you anyway to discuss the spring meet and greet. We need a date for that.

I totally understand and I just posted in banders 5 and let CG know it was a good Friday , heck even just a good day for me , but I know that feeling , but I couldn't deal with my comfortable shorts I wore before being banded any more because now they want to hit the floor if I get up or walk now , so I had tome in expensive clothes it was finally time.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. OK so I woke up on the same side of the bed I always wake up on, but will say that I was really out of sorts in an oddly wicked mood!

I woke up and I had nothing nice to say to the person I passed as I walked out the bedroom door. There she was again in the bathroom mirror so I stuck my tongue out at her. Didn't she know I would rather have my eyes closed then be in the bright lights of the bathroom mirror that just make everything seem garish?!

OK so on the way to the kitchen to feed the cat who is now under my feet and giving me the so far silent meow that will turn into an all out annoyingly screaming meow if I don't get that can of cat food on the plate ASAP I told that girl in the hallway get over yourself! Get it together we got things to do today woman! Maybe there are too many mirrors in my house....

I fed the cat and went about the getting ready for work stages. Washed the face, took a shower put the make up on downed the coffee in the hopes that caffeine would chase the fog away for me today, but no even that morning cup of java was not hitting the spot this morning.

Can you hear that horror movie music playing in your head about now...no? I could!

Now it was time to get dressed, the undergarments well lets just say thank goodness Christmas wasn't so long ago and most of those fit though why I am still holding on to the super sized ones.....

I put the pants on and thank goodness one of the three I keep shuffling through the wash and back were clean and ready to wear. The weather is sick, just like me, been fighting this cold/flu bug since last weekend. Today just for the first day of Spring to be extra special it's going to warm up. Last night it was all of 15 degree's so this morning the fog is not only in my head it's out side and less then a mile visibility!

Yes! Can't wait to take that ride to work today, I bet I can use a butter knife to carve my way there and it would be moving faster then the traffic that the newscaster is screaming about on the TV. Thank god for the off button! I can't listen to one more thing about the snarled traffic the miserable weather or look at her in her hideous "Spring" dress. It's making me angry, cause I can see my reflection in the blank screen where she was standing only seconds before.

Is the bozo the clown look in I'm wondering to myself?! When did the circus come to town and drop all their extra costumes in my closet?!

Nothing fits right, I'm not happy...I'm growling...audibly growling now, my grouchy mood is starting to make me angry and the fact that I can't find something to put on and I'm going to be even later to work now as I change time after time.

This top is no good, OK not this one either it's just too hot today..(wow did I really say that?!) Now I'm starting to sweat as I find a good enough top, pull out a pair of shoes and WTF!!!!! How can my shoes be too big?! REALLY? Am I in a nightmare here...maybe I am still asleep??

Nope, and yet there she was Clarabelle the clown, in her baggy pants, over sized top scary wet hair sticking out every which way, her face all made up, her shoes 2 sizes too big. All I needed was the honker and a bell!

My poor husband came home just then and well.....one opinion (and you know what those are right..every body has one...) wasn't good enough so I had to give him another one just for the hell of it.

I apologized he just walked into my nightmare I should have left the house 30 minutes ago but nope still here. I finally tamed the beast and got her into some decent clothes, dried her hair and at least no one would be calling the Big Apple Circus to let them know they lost one of their clowns today.

So why did my mood not get any better? It's 5:00...and you know I'm already dreading tomorrow and doing this all over again!

My hubby said OK it's time to go and get some new things, but you know it's just not so easy!

It's not another pair of jogging pants and sneakers or a smaller tee shirt. I'm great at home on the weekends. I'm finding it very hard to discard shoes that cost hundreds not to mention the clothes, and things that you had to struggle to find before to fit you...and then shop for stuff that's "temporary" since I want to and will lose at least 60-70 more pounds?!

I am going to need at least a weekend to clean out that closet, and UGH I hate to shop!!!

I thought to myself how over the last few weeks I have been sabotaging myself, eating what I know I should not, and looking for an excuse to be mad at myself and those around me. Why though?

Why am I doing that? Why do I feel like I am not embracing this journey anymore and doing what I should be for me? Yeah I have a lot of crap going on we all do. My partner in crime, my hubby he's going through some major stuff and I can't do anything but be there as a support for him and for me that's super frustrating. I would take it on if I could have it be me and not him, but we all feel that way about the people we love.

I don't know that this feeling is going to change overnight. I hope that at least realizing that I need to make some changes and sharing some of my frustration and anger at myself with you all is a first step. Maybe you feel or have felt something similar?

I don't think I'll ever be a "morning" person, but at least I will promise not to stick my tongue out at myself tomorrow...

Bags upon bags upon bags have gone into the BigBrothers/BigSisters donation bin. I couldn't take it anymore either @@lisacaron !!!! I now own 4 pairs of pants and 2 of those Im already able to pull on and off as if they were "stretchy" but they actually have a button and zipper….and I have 4 shirts that actually fit too….i need more but shopping is annoying….even at a smaller size…and since i want to lose more its still transitional!!!

I NEVER thought I would be complaining about something like this when it came to my weight loss. I have a casual dress code at work but still like to look nice in what i've got on!!!!

My closets are bare and so are my dresser drawers after Ive tossed out decades of clothes all in sizes 18-24…..

And I find myself falling into old habits….head hunger getting the best of me and giving into it….a yummy piece of sausage pizza for dinner….which isn't a problem at all until I kept on eating…and on….and on and now I have that "oh my…you ate waaay too much feeling" that is finally beginning to pass.

Makes me wonder how easy it would be to fall back into old habits and start climbing sizes again.

I torture myself some days wondering if i should get my first fill….but I'm losing each month and the PA tells me that a fill will not stop that head hunger…it will not stop me from making a poor eating choice…so no fill for me!

I'm amazed that even with a 87 pound weight loss I'm having so many issues….i feel frustrated…this is soooooo much harder than gettining the scale to go down….there are so many others thoughts and feelings involved than just pure joy over losing that kind of weight.

And I am happy about the weight loss and feel blessed that it has happened as it has…but how do I get past/through the rest of it.

Somedays, I just feel confused and sad over it…..lately that's just the way its been!

Edited March 22, 201412 yr by chasingadream

Lisacaron , like I said I had to buy at least one pair of jeans as I didn't have but 1 pair and they are way to big for me now , so I took 3 different sizes of the same and started with the biggest se that I was used to , and they were WAY to big so I kept going down till I felt comfortable in the size that I could bend or what ever and not feel restricted , wow what a journey we are on , but it felt so GREAT knowing that I could NOT fit in the bigger ones and that they were to big , now I know my size right now , who knows what size I will be in week , month or future but that's ok because I a losing and that is fine by me , sometimes not scale wise but those inches are coming off every where , the only thing I didn't like is I noticed the thighs were looking awful and that was the only place that I want to Really change Right now even though other things are hanging yes I will leave that to any ones imagination lol, so try a few things on it will make you feel better watch and you will have a moment of different emotions , I have and you will also.

I'll be honest with everyone...this weekend I just took OFF! I stayed home, I stayed in my most comfy sweats, and did NOTHING!

I had a baby Christening to go to on Sunday and you know I love my family, but I just didn't want to get up and get "dressed" up. I do that every single day for work. The hair the make up the clothes. I just wanted to be OFF this weekend.

So I took it!

I gave my congratulations, I sent my card and my gift and my love to the new little family and I stayed home in my sweats with my hubby. I needed a mental health weekend away from it all.

This morning I was up early, got my car to the shop "idiot" light was one and I need an oil change. I got dressed and yes my clothes and even my boots are a bit too big on me, but you know I don't look terrible and I promise myself this week I will buy some pants and some new shoes.

For now I'll just wear tube socks with my boots because they are calling for SNOW! Spring freaking SNOW here in NY again! I am so sick of this cold weather it just is NOT funny!

I'll be honest with everyone...this weekend I just took OFF! I stayed home, I stayed in my most comfy sweats, and did NOTHING!

I had a baby Christening to go to on Sunday and you know I love my family, but I just didn't want to get up and get "dressed" up. I do that every single day for work. The hair the make up the clothes. I just wanted to be OFF this weekend.

So I took it!

I gave my congratulations, I sent my card and my gift and my love to the new little family and I stayed home in my sweats with my hubby. I needed a mental health weekend away from it all.

This morning I was up early, got my car to the shop "idiot" light was one and I need an oil change. I got dressed and yes my clothes and even my boots are a bit too big on me, but you know I don't look terrible and I promise myself this week I will buy some pants and some new shoes.

For now I'll just wear tube socks with my boots because they are calling for SNOW! Spring freaking SNOW here in NY again! I am so sick of this cold weather it just is NOT funny!

Oh good for you Lisa. Sometimes we just need a break and chilling out is a wonderful thing to do. I need to work on that. I used to have chill out days but that was also when I used to spend the day eating nonstop. These days, I try to keep busy so I don't find myself in that situation. I know I have to learn to be able to chill without it becoming a pig out party.

Listen...I'm going to do some shopping in Florida so when I get back, I'll let you know how successful I was and you can let me know how you did as well. Then we'll know if we need to double date at the mall...LOL!

Does anyone know that system of losing so much weight equals another smaller size. I have noticed my tops are smaller...but I fear trying on a pair of pants without an elastic waist. I am still wearing my big size pants, although they are so big in the butt and legs...but have no idea what size to try on and heaven forbid I get anything without elastic!!! Will that ever go away. I so understand Lisacaron your dislike of shopping. I can't find things that look good yet and am tired that I haven't lost enough compared to others. I have been told to stop thinking like that...I guess I just want this weight off...have to slow down I guess and take what happens as it happens. So Lisacaron I wish you well dear one...hang in there...loved your honesty.

Successful Bander Problems! Hang in there. I remember the frustration too when I lost a lot of weight twenty years ago. Two suggestions while you're still losing.... A relative of mine loves Gwinnie Bee which is kind of like a clothing rental online. Nice outfits, and I think it's pretty affordable. Lots of women who are losing weight use it. Secondly, just keep hitting the Goodwill stores to see what's new each week. For a couple of bucks you might get a blouse that you can wear for a couple of months. Your post inspired me. Thanks for seeing the humor in a frustrating situation! (I hate to shop too.)