I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. OK so I woke up on the same side of the bed I always wake up on, but will say that I was really out of sorts in an oddly wicked mood!

I woke up and I had nothing nice to say to the person I passed as I walked out the bedroom door. There she was again in the bathroom mirror so I stuck my tongue out at her. Didn't she know I would rather have my eyes closed then be in the bright lights of the bathroom mirror that just make everything seem garish?!

OK so on the way to the kitchen to feed the cat who is now under my feet and giving me the so far silent meow that will turn into an all out annoyingly screaming meow if I don't get that can of cat food on the plate ASAP I told that girl in the hallway get over yourself! Get it together we got things to do today woman! Maybe there are too many mirrors in my house....

I fed the cat and went about the getting ready for work stages. Washed the face, took a shower put the make up on downed the coffee in the hopes that caffeine would chase the fog away for me today, but no even that morning cup of java was not hitting the spot this morning.

Can you hear that horror movie music playing in your head about now...no? I could!

Now it was time to get dressed, the undergarments well lets just say thank goodness Christmas wasn't so long ago and most of those fit though why I am still holding on to the super sized ones.....

I put the pants on and thank goodness one of the three I keep shuffling through the wash and back were clean and ready to wear. The weather is sick, just like me, been fighting this cold/flu bug since last weekend. Today just for the first day of Spring to be extra special it's going to warm up. Last night it was all of 15 degree's so this morning the fog is not only in my head it's out side and less then a mile visibility!

Yes! Can't wait to take that ride to work today, I bet I can use a butter knife to carve my way there and it would be moving faster then the traffic that the newscaster is screaming about on the TV. Thank god for the off button! I can't listen to one more thing about the snarled traffic the miserable weather or look at her in her hideous "Spring" dress. It's making me angry, cause I can see my reflection in the blank screen where she was standing only seconds before.

Is the bozo the clown look in I'm wondering to myself?! When did the circus come to town and drop all their extra costumes in my closet?!

Nothing fits right, I'm not happy...I'm growling...audibly growling now, my grouchy mood is starting to make me angry and the fact that I can't find something to put on and I'm going to be even later to work now as I change time after time.

This top is no good, OK not this one either it's just too hot today..(wow did I really say that?!) Now I'm starting to sweat as I find a good enough top, pull out a pair of shoes and WTF!!!!! How can my shoes be too big?! REALLY? Am I in a nightmare here...maybe I am still asleep??

Nope, and yet there she was Clarabelle the clown, in her baggy pants, over sized top scary wet hair sticking out every which way, her face all made up, her shoes 2 sizes too big. All I needed was the honker and a bell!

My poor husband came home just then and well.....one opinion (and you know what those are right..every body has one...) wasn't good enough so I had to give him another one just for the hell of it.

I apologized he just walked into my nightmare I should have left the house 30 minutes ago but nope still here. I finally tamed the beast and got her into some decent clothes, dried her hair and at least no one would be calling the Big Apple Circus to let them know they lost one of their clowns today.

So why did my mood not get any better? It's 5:00...and you know I'm already dreading tomorrow and doing this all over again!

My hubby said OK it's time to go and get some new things, but you know it's just not so easy!

It's not another pair of jogging pants and sneakers or a smaller tee shirt. I'm great at home on the weekends. I'm finding it very hard to discard shoes that cost hundreds not to mention the clothes, and things that you had to struggle to find before to fit you...and then shop for stuff that's "temporary" since I want to and will lose at least 60-70 more pounds?!

I am going to need at least a weekend to clean out that closet, and UGH I hate to shop!!!

I thought to myself how over the last few weeks I have been sabotaging myself, eating what I know I should not, and looking for an excuse to be mad at myself and those around me. Why though?

Why am I doing that? Why do I feel like I am not embracing this journey anymore and doing what I should be for me? Yeah I have a lot of crap going on we all do. My partner in crime, my hubby he's going through some major stuff and I can't do anything but be there as a support for him and for me that's super frustrating. I would take it on if I could have it be me and not him, but we all feel that way about the people we love.

I don't know that this feeling is going to change overnight. I hope that at least realizing that I need to make some changes and sharing some of my frustration and anger at myself with you all is a first step. Maybe you feel or have felt something similar?

I don't think I'll ever be a "morning" person, but at least I will promise not to stick my tongue out at myself tomorrow...

I know I must sound like a spoiled brat...and I am I can admit it. I am not a big consignment good will share clothes exchange type of gal

I just have to bite the bullet and get my butt out there to shop. I'm so pick it's not funny and it's not just from being overweight, there are some tops I would never wear Jessica Rabbit is not exactly my style though my husband would just love it if it were!

I work in a corporate office and with lots of roving eyes, so I always feel more comfortable when the girls are tucked away nicely and while they will always be an upfront attraction they don't have to shine bright like diamonds if ya get my meaning

Shopping for tops is not always the easiest, and pants..I can totally relate to elastic. For years I had a very sensitive belly button area. Having had several abdominal surgeries for female issues there, however on the last one the doc was able to repair what was an umbilical hernia and that solved my sensitive belly button issue and I went out and bought all these slacks, in size 20 and 22 at the time now I think I need 14...but I am sticking with some nice looking yoga pants! They work, they keep me warm and they can pass for dress pants most of the time.

Once the summer is here i can get away with skirts and capris and then hopefully by fall I'll be ready to commit to a few new suits and pants in a stable size. At least that's my current shopping plan.

Yoga pants nice ones aren't so cheap these days...at $25-30 each I think they are a bit of rip off...but still once they are outgrown I don't have an issue with ditching them

I think it might be fun to shop once the warm weather gets here...it's just this in between right now while it's still cold. I don't want to buy things that are going to be too big by next winter. Trying to make due with what I have for now.

What a great way to clean house though I have to say!!!

Lisa -

Get out of my brain! Been feeling this way lately. I've had to break down and buy clothes for work so I hit the after Christmas sales. And now those are too big. Still wearing them but it does make mornings grumpy. I too am trying to hold off and buy summer clothes.

So know I'm there in the trenches with you.