Recently I had lunch with a friend who had a Gastric Bypass! She has lost 120lbs and looks amazing! I know that it isn't my place ..... To voice my concerns about her surgery! That was her choice and I only offer support!

I had lap band surgery a month before she did and have lost 55 pounds in 7 months! The last two months I have stalled ... Not gaining but losing a pound or so every two weeks! I have 6.5 cc's in my 10 cc band and I am not at green yet! I am almost there but it takes time and I won't drop weight consistently until I hit green! I am ok with that! I am ok with sloooowww! She's not! Short of ending the friendship I am at a loss! We had different surgeries! I love this woman and don't want to start a war but I can't stand the .. Looks of ... You should of had this surgery!!! Look at me and my new body! She drags me shopping and says... Should of had my surgery and you would be wearing this! Ugh!

One side note about me!!! I don't bite my tongue very well but for this friendship I have! However, I am wearing thin! I am gonna snap!

What should I do???

Why does she "need to be acquainted"? She can't undo what she did and it's your OPINION that LB is less risky than another option, definitely not fact. Why should the OP lower herself to her "friend's" level of asinine behavior? I agree that she should distance herself from someone who is obviously self absorbed and rude, but to lash out in such a hateful way would make her no better. As for taking a "stronger person" to succeed with the band? I am going to chuckle to myself and back away from responding to such a ridiculous statement.

My, my ... This response is a little like the pot calling the kettle black. It is a "rude" and "self-absorbed" response to a veteran bander who has much to share with folks here ... And who offered, yes, his opinion in a kind way. I agree with him, by the way, but like we say ... That is MY OPINION. No one on here is a certified expert, including you. But thank you for your opinion, although it could have been much less insulting to a lot of us.

So let me make sure I understand... It's *my* opinion that we shouldn't put down the band or the bypass (or the sleeve for that matter) in this situation or in ANY situation. I don't feel that the OP should lower herself by insulting her friend's choice in the same manner that her friend is insulting her choice, and that make ME the hypocrite?

No where have I ever stated that I am an expert on ANYTHING nor would I ever make such a offensive suggestion that sleevers, or bypasser or banders are weaker because their journey is different than mine.

Perhaps I'm confused on what you are saying, or you are confused on what I am saying?

So let's be clear about this thread! I just wanted advice! She is very passionate about her choice and loves her results! I am very passionate about my choice and my results... What I lack from her is respect for my choice! I find in this forum that this is becoming more and more of a problem! We are all here for the same reason..... To get healthy!

Sorry, bud... I refuse to be reeled into a p!ssing match with you nor will I put down your choice of surgery or anyone else's .

As for calling me a "forum Nazi"? Nope. Not at all. Just as you have the right to post your opinion, I have the right to post mine. Fortunately, I know how to do so without name calling. I'd suggest you figure out how to do that same but I fear that would ruffle your feathers even more so than they already are.

I hope you have a great evening!

I never denigrated any of the WLS techniques. I simply pointed out a fact. And not calling anyone names doesn't get you off the hook for being rude and wrong.

So let's be clear about this thread! I just wanted advice! She is very passionate about her choice and loves her results! I am very passionate about my choice and my results... What I lack from her is respect for my choice! I find in this forum that this is becoming more and more of a problem! We are all here for the same reason..... To get healthy!

You are absolutely correct and I apologize if I offended you in any way. We should ALL be passionate about our choices and still be able to support others in whatever they choose to do.

Edited March 10, 201412 yr by LipstickLady

Sometimes friendships are for a season in our life. My thought is that when those "friendships" find themselves at a point where only one person seems to be breathing life into the other or your feelings are no longer being validated that the "season" may be coming to an end. Tell her exactly how you feel when she talks to you the way she does and then tell her what you need from her. If she makes the decision (and that's what it will be...HER decision) to continue on with her behaviour at your expense then you will know the friendship has run it's course. Friendship is a two way street and to me the actions and words we speak should encourage and support and the criticisms we receive are done out of a heart of concern, love and only wanting the best for our friend.

Good luck!

I'm so glad you spoke to your friend and even MORESO that you didn't drop her as it has been suggested.

Comparison is the thief of joy and here is the rest of my two-cents:

A. She's not a friend.

B. Be happy for her, but pity that she feels the need to put you down.

C. How do you know you won't be as successful, if not more?

D. With such rapid weight loss, what does her skin look like?

E. You did what was right for you.

F. Rapid does not always mean more effective.

G. Do you feel better?

H. Do you look better?

I. Are you getting better?

J. Who suggested the band for you? Doctors often know best.

K. Find new friends.

L. Look forward to the day you shop for your goal sized clothing.

M. Be at peace with yourself and your life's condition.

N. Don't forget you are losing weight, at the pace your body wants to.

O. Meditate - see yourself as you wish to be, not as you are.

P. Remember that you deserve happiness.

Q. Take it easy, this is a life-change and it doesn't happen overnight.

R. You are worthy of all good things.

S. That's all I have for now...

I'm glad you've had a chat with her...she may need to be reminded from time to time, but it does sound like she's receptive.

So glad you did this. Good for you!

Dragonfly,

She sounds like a pain in the ass, and I don't know why she can't be happy with you. Knowing me, I would probably get pissed and make some snarky comment back about her surgery, but I'm not sure that would help the situation. I'd just let her know in no uncertain terms that she doesn't have any moral high ground to you just because she chose the more drastic measure. Each WLS works for a certain group of people, she should be happy for you and STFU, and that's all there is to it. It sounds like she just needs the spotlight on herself (ongoing complements) constantly, for some reason. I can't stand it when people act like morally superior attention whores.

I have a simple response to all of it...

Your friend. This thread.

It is beautifully applicable to every one at every time and in every situation.

Wanna know what is it?

It is this.

'Yo! DUDE!!!!!!'

That is all

As always Madame reverie I love your response. Sometimes simple is best.

Your friend needs to be acquainted with the risks of both surgeries and that you made a less riskier choice with a less invasive surgery. Also, malabsorption issues with RNY are always a concern.

The two surgeries are opposites of each other. RNY or Bypass is a forced way to absorb fewer calories. She has little choice unless she finds a way to eat around the surgery and it can and is done regularly. The band is more of a voluntary choice of consuming fewer calories by dimming the appetite. It takes a stronger person to succeed with the band. imo

tmf

As a sleever with an RNY wife I went through many things in my mind to say about this and kicked them all out for the sake of decorum and peace.

So I will just say this:

You've never seen my wife at a Black Friday sale...

Edited March 11, 201412 yr by gmanbat

Her arrogance is beyond obnoxious. Any move you make to end your friendship will only make her believe your jealousy caused you to do it. I suggest writing down you thoughts to share with her so she can't twist your words to suit her agenda. Good luck. This is tough!

There is a price to pay for keeping certain friendships. When your friend goes off into the fog of ignorance, arrogance, and self deception you can either keep hanging on, absorbing the abuse and giving voice to reason hoping it will cut through the fog or decide that the relationship has died and is not worth the toll on your dignity and move your heart elsewhere.

At my last check the population of the world is closing in on 7,119,000,000. Although all individuals are unique, there are certainly many opportunities to bring new and non-destructive people into your life.

Edited March 11, 201412 yr by gmanbat

Her arrogance is beyond obnoxious. Any move you make to end your friendship will only make her believe your jealousy caused you to do it.

This reminds me of a "friend" of mine (and I use that term loosely), who would refuse to answer my emails to talk about our issues for years on end, and then when he needed something, come to my husband and go, "Is she still mad at me? Does she still hate me? She's so mean." #whine

And gmanbat, great response. This site is good not only for WLS info, but also some great psychological insights. Good stuff as always.