The big closet clean
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In total, six large garbage bags and a whole lot of emotion.
The closet purge brought so many forgotten memories to the surface. Memories of trying desperately to close zippers, tight waistlines growing more and more tight until I relented and went up a size, then searching through racks of clothes to find a size large enough to fit.
I remembered all the times I tried to "inconspicuously" adjust my outfit to be more flattering. Always pulling down my shirt over my hips, and feeling shame when my top lifted enough for someone catch a peek of my saggy stomach fat pushing out from the waist of my jeans. Shirts would have to be long and loose enough not to stick around my rolls, but fit enough to look presentable at work.
I had a while drawer full of control clothes - those terrible things to wear under clothes that suck in fat. I wore the day after day year round. They gave me terrible rashes and sores, but I wore them anyway so I looked an inch thinner. I thought if I could find the right clothes, flattering and stylish, people wouldn't notice my weight as much. Really I wasn't fooling anyone.
Bagging up these clothes I can feel the shame lifting off my shoulders. Shame is a terrible thing to carry around. I didn't know how heavy it has been until today.
Looking forward to a life less heavy. Living in the moment, no longer preoccupied with adjusting clothes and hoping zippers stay zipped.