I have wrote on here before about my marriage issues. I don't know where else to turn bc my friends and family want me to leave my husband

A little background information, We are high school sweethearts that got reunited after my first marriage. He was the one that got away. But during that time he got addicted to marijuana. I always dabbled too, but it was more social for me. After a while, I started smoking 3, 4 times a day. My weight started going up and up. Finally I got it under control, but hubby has not

My kids are now smelling it, it's causing major fights between us. Financially it's killing us too. My husband has left countless jobs, wrecked numerous cars and has a family history of alcohol ism and I see him going down that path too

We fight constantly bc I keep trying to control everything, which then leads me exhausted mentally with my children. I feel my 11 year old gets the brunt of my lack of patience.

I work 40 to 65 hours a week. I cook, clean, run all the errands while my husband sits back and does bare minimum. He is finally working in an amazing job, but surprise surprise he hates that too. He plans on leaving in a year when he gets called for another job. However, this job drugs tests.

When I write this all out, I feel like the answer is to leave. Well have him leave. We have been going to therapy for over 4 years and he has made very little change. I don't know what to do. I feel so good about myself. I lost over 120lbs. I got my plastics too. Everything is great but my marriage. I gave him an ultimatum It's us or the drugs. But if it's not the pot then it will be alcohol. I just need help from other married folks. Should I get divorced again, should I try to make this work. I do love him but not all the drama he brings to the table. Thank u for letting me vent

So life post divorce. What do you see? You lose a lot of control over your son's exposure/experiences. This is the hard part, IMHO. The things you fight about magnify and you no longer have any say. What happens at his house is his business. Just stuff to think about. It's been a blessing in your first marriage. Just gotta have a plan....

So I figured I would give an update

My husband moved out 3 weeks ago. I'm so San bc of it. I feel like a failure. I know I cannot fully blame myself but if I didn't talk to him like shit maybe this would never of happened

I'm doing what I need to do. I would love to take some time apart so we can both work on ourselves, but he says we are never getting back together. Our relationship was volatile but maybe w some space we can fix this.

My son wants daddy home. My daughter can care less. I just wish life was easier than this. I'm going to keep working on me, hopefully he can work on him and maybe one day if he is sober we can make this work

I wish I didn't love him so much =(

Some times it’s the hardest thing to do and let go of someone you love so much.

But if its not right and not working and no respect for you and the family unit then it has to be done.

Sometimes we hope people will grow up given time we hope and pray every day they will some just don’t.

A friend of mine to divorced last year her husband was cheating on her said he never wanted there second baby and he didn’t want to be tied down any more.

Left her and the 2 kids youngest being 4 months old.

He immediately went public on his new girlfriend who has a child.

He now plays daddy to that kid could care less about his own but hes still a immature child his parents pay his bills and he is almost 30 years old.

Some people just don’t grow up.

We can’t fix everyone and again as painful as that might be you do have your own life and the welfare of your kids to consider.

If you do get back together I personally wouldn’t allow him to move back in for a year on condition he has a job the same job throughout and if he does choose to do things recreationally it doesn’t become a problem.

You need and deserve an equal partner not another child to take care of.

good luck

So I figured I would give an update

My husband moved out 3 weeks ago. I'm so San bc of it. I feel like a failure. I know I cannot fully blame myself but if I didn't talk to him like **** maybe this would never of happened

I'm doing what I need to do. I would love to take some time apart so we can both work on ourselves, but he says we are never getting back together. Our relationship was volatile but maybe w some space we can fix this.

My son wants daddy home. My daughter can care less. I just wish life was easier than this. I'm going to keep working on me, hopefully he can work on him and maybe one day if he is sober we can make this work

I wish I didn't love him so much =(

Glad to hear he moved out. Now is the time to get some addiction or co-addiction counseling for yourself and for the kids as well. I know it is a finacial burden but there are meetings out there that are supportive and will help you and your kids to see the truth.

Also please know that you were in many ways a single parent in that relationship. While being a parent to him in a lot of ways. He was enabled to get all that he wanted and yet you had to work so hard to keep it all together. Now is the time to reflect on what will make your home safe and peacful again for your family. Take the time to be selfish and work on what you need to work on to make you stronger and happy once again.

Addiction is hard life to live and even harder to be around it has an undercurrent that no one else really knows unless you have lived it.

My cousin had a boyfriend who addicted to heroin and it had and still has a scar on their lives. She had to first admit she enable her bf then admit she too needed to break the chains of addiction in her life. I think she found help with al onon meetings in her area. They ave 2 children together and she has made a new life for herself and her children, they see and interact with their dad and as children they know they have to be the adult in his life, so sad. But true, kids are resilint and smarter then most think.

Praying for you and your children too!

Living with addiction is hard, I kept trying to fix things only to realize I could only control myself. I hated who I had become, I let myself become consumed with his alcoholism and lost myself completely. This was the beginning of my weight gain, the more out control his drinking became the bigger I got.

Use this time apart to get clarity, who are you, who is he, do you value the same things, you'll rediscover yourself. When you are clear about yourself you won't get sucked into his drama, its his not yours, your yelling and name calling keeps you stuck in his game. Who knows what time apart will give him, just know your boundaries and limits so that if you do reconcile the rules are clear.

I divorced and my ex died from his alcoholism.