Well, I thought I would dig out old fat pics to do the "before" and "after" post...

I didn't realise the effect it would have looking at images over the last 10 years. It reminded me of all that's happened and every picture is tied to how I felt over that time - and in the few pictures I have of me, I am overweight and deeply unhappy. Year after year.

It's so easy to forget life pre-sleeve. I haven't looked at any of this since the surgery and it's like looking at someone else but feeling all the pain. I know I am the girl in the photos because it's my ex husband and my son with her. But it's like another lifetime, I no longer recognise her but she is me and I am her... and it breaks my heart to remember that life.

I also look at my ex husband and wonder what he saw in me. In holiday pics, I am usually overdressed in an effort to hide my size, which was a futile exercise. I am sweaty and miserable and I had forgotten how big I was. I can't find one photo where I look genuinely happy.

So, I will get round to posting the pics in the next couple of days. But I am shocked at the emotion these pictures have brought tumbling out. I haven't cried like this for such a long time (except day 4 post op when I wondered wtf I had done!) ... but I know I will be ok tomorrow.

I will also be grateful to that brave girl who, in the depths of a miserable existence, took the extraordinary decision to get sleeved. I have to do justice to her and live life to the full - and have lots of happy pictures that show how much my life has been transformed.

Edited January 13, 201412 yr by Indigo1991

I suspect these feelings are normal. My wife and I were looking at some old pics recently and had similar reactions. I did not feel as big as I was, but looking at the pics now...wow, I was a whopper! LOL

I put a few of those "old me" pics on the wall of our home gym and use them as motivation.

You have the right attitude...you are no longer the sad gal in those pics, the new you needs to embrace life and live it to the fullest!

I will also be grateful to that brave girl who, in the depths of a miserable existence, took the extraordinary decision to get sleeved. I have to do justice to her and live life to the full - and have lots of happy pictures that show how much my life has been transformed.

I know I am a virtual stranger but I feel your post very deeply. I am proud of that brave girl too.

Consider yourself hugged.

Oh, honey... I hear ya. I hear it and feel it all. Although those photos are tinged with sadness - they're all part of the ride.

Lets get our cameras out and make some new, genuinely happy memories.

Loves ya xxx

Well, I thought I would dig out old fat pics to do the "before" and "after" post...

I didn't realise the effect it would have looking at images over the last 10 years. It reminded me of all that's happened and every picture is tied to how I felt over that time - and in the few pictures I have of me, I am overweight and deeply unhappy. Year after year.

It's so easy to forget life pre-sleeve. I haven't looked at any of this since the surgery and it's like looking at someone else but feeling all the pain. I know I am the girl in the photos because it's my ex husband and my son with her. But it's like another lifetime, I no longer recognise her but she is me and I am her... and it breaks my heart to remember that life.

I also look at my ex husband and wonder what he saw in me. In holiday pics, I am usually overdressed in an effort to hide my size, which was a futile exercise. I am sweaty and miserable and I had forgotten how big I was. I can't find one photo where I look genuinely happy.

So, I will get round to posting the pics in the next couple of days. But I am shocked at the emotion these pictures have brought tumbling out. I haven't cried like this for such a long time (except day 4 post op when I wondered wtf I had done!) ... but I know I will be ok tomorrow.

I will also be grateful to that brave girl who, in the depths of a miserable existence, took the extraordinary decision to get sleeved. I have to do justice to her and live life to the full - and have lots of happy pictures that show how much my life has been transformed.

No you are wrong..That is who you were she is dead and gone and no longer exists..she will never be back to make you feel so badly about yourself or hurt you in any way..It is up to you to not let that happen....That person is someone you can barely relate to now...She is finished!!!!!!! All you have now is what is a head of you..A new life of health and the happiness you make out of this new situation...don't get bound up in the past..You can't go back, you chose not to go back..This is the you you need to be..The one we all love and appreciate..The other one, nope! You scratched and fought for this new you..I personally like her a bunch..I know you do too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh one more thing.....your ex, what he saw in you...With or without the extra fluff..Something tells me you were a hell of a good person even then....He is the loser not you in my books........

Stop that crying and Celebrate the fact that you did it..You are all brand new and a hell of a transformation to be celebrated......Don't ever let me hear you talk like that again....Or I will have to find you an lay a beaten on you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited January 13, 201412 yr by RJ'S/beginning

I've spent about 5 -10 years refusing to be photographed except when it was impossible to refuse. I hear you. I hear you.

I hear ya, Indigo....There is about a 20 year period where I cannot be found in any family pictures. I am going to be such a photo bomb from now on.

I understand, I was shocked when I looked at my pictures from before. It is not like looking at a stranger but I cannot believe I was that big.

Indigo, beautifully said. I see that girl too, in my own pictures... I feel for her, and it is she who brought me to where I am now. I knew I was fat, but the pics make that knowledge so real. Powerful.

Edited January 13, 201412 yr by feedyoureye

You have blossomed. Winter is over for you and spring( new life) has begun. God is good

Thank you all for your kind words and understanding. It is a privilege to know such compassionate people -friends- who understand what the rest of the world doesn't.

Today is a better day, everything is back the right way up :-)))))

I feel the same way but will add that I have the same feelings now about my skinny pictures. I was keeping one visible on my desk as motivation. It was after I ran a personal best at a marathon, I was in the best shape of my life and happy. What I learned is that instead of motivating me it made me sad, triggered feelings of failure, and I would beat myself up over gaining the weight back.

I am working on getting to a state of mind where I accept that is who I was at the time and stop having such an emotional response. It is getting better.

I also hate looking at photos of myself at my heaviest. Somewhere around 340 pounds I stopped seeing myself when I looked in the mirror. My face became fatter and I looked less like myself. The last month or two as I have gone below that level, I am looking in the mirror and seeing myself again. I can actually stand to look at the family pictures we took for Christmas, which I couldn't do with any pictures we took over the past few years. Everyday I just tell myself that I am on a journey and with each day I am becoming a better, healthier and happier version of myself. It works for me on most days, but we all have our down days.

I went thru the same thing last week when I did some side by sides. I really don't remember looking that bad and It was only 1 year ago! You're lookin beautiful now.

Well, I thought I would dig out old fat pics to do the "before" and "after" post...

I didn't realise the effect it would have looking at images over the last 10 years. It reminded me of all that's happened and every picture is tied to how I felt over that time - and in the few pictures I have of me, I am overweight and deeply unhappy. Year after year.

It's so easy to forget life pre-sleeve. I haven't looked at any of this since the surgery and it's like looking at someone else but feeling all the pain. I know I am the girl in the photos because it's my ex husband and my son with her. But it's like another lifetime, I no longer recognise her but she is me and I am her... and it breaks my heart to remember that life.

I also look at my ex husband and wonder what he saw in me. In holiday pics, I am usually overdressed in an effort to hide my size, which was a futile exercise. I am sweaty and miserable and I had forgotten how big I was. I can't find one photo where I look genuinely happy.

So, I will get round to posting the pics in the next couple of days. But I am shocked at the emotion these pictures have brought tumbling out. I haven't cried like this for such a long time (except day 4 post op when I wondered wtf I had done!) ... but I know I will be ok tomorrow.

I will also be grateful to that brave girl who, in the depths of a miserable existence, took the extraordinary decision to get sleeved. I have to do justice to her and live life to the full - and have lots of happy pictures that show how much my life has been transformed.

Ditto. This was exactly me 3 days ago. I'm still a little bit in shock and a little teary when I think about all the life I just threw away. At the same time, while I can't get those years back, I'm excited about what all the future years will bring. Especially since I won't be hiding from the world anymore.

I haven't even had the weight loss yet. I wanted to remind myself of just how bad obesity looks because I have a horrible habit of avoiding the truth. I didn't have any pics on here at first. Last week I went ahead an loaded many of the "worst" so I can remember why I'm doing this in 2 months when I'm mourning the loss of over indulgence. I sat pouring over pics from the last 10 years and just let it sink in. That is me. That's who people see. It's not really who I see. But it's reality. The only way I'm gonna lick this is to once and for all, and stop avoiding the truth. It was painful though - to look at those pictures. I hear you.