Well, I thought I would dig out old fat pics to do the "before" and "after" post...

I didn't realise the effect it would have looking at images over the last 10 years. It reminded me of all that's happened and every picture is tied to how I felt over that time - and in the few pictures I have of me, I am overweight and deeply unhappy. Year after year.

It's so easy to forget life pre-sleeve. I haven't looked at any of this since the surgery and it's like looking at someone else but feeling all the pain. I know I am the girl in the photos because it's my ex husband and my son with her. But it's like another lifetime, I no longer recognise her but she is me and I am her... and it breaks my heart to remember that life.

I also look at my ex husband and wonder what he saw in me. In holiday pics, I am usually overdressed in an effort to hide my size, which was a futile exercise. I am sweaty and miserable and I had forgotten how big I was. I can't find one photo where I look genuinely happy.

So, I will get round to posting the pics in the next couple of days. But I am shocked at the emotion these pictures have brought tumbling out. I haven't cried like this for such a long time (except day 4 post op when I wondered wtf I had done!) ... but I know I will be ok tomorrow.

I will also be grateful to that brave girl who, in the depths of a miserable existence, took the extraordinary decision to get sleeved. I have to do justice to her and live life to the full - and have lots of happy pictures that show how much my life has been transformed.

Edited January 13, 201412 yr by Indigo1991

I haven't even had the weight loss yet. I wanted to remind myself of just how bad obesity looks because I have a horrible habit of avoiding the truth. I didn't have any pics on here at first. Last week I went ahead an loaded many of the "worst" so I can remember why I'm doing this in 2 months when I'm mourning the loss of over indulgence. I sat pouring over pics from the last 10 years and just let it sink in. That is me. That's who people see. It's not really who I see. But it's reality. The only way I'm gonna lick this is to once and for all, and stop avoiding the truth. It was painful though - to look at those pictures. I hear you.

jen, the first time I really would say out loud how much I weighed, was here, then in public shortly after that. It does help seal the commitment to lose the weight and keep it off (the hard part by the way...)Getting real with the pics is good too, even if hard to take. I don't have many of those in my personal pic stash, but my husband has lots of them, and looking through his pics I see lots of the "worst" and some really nice but FAT ones too. I was really trying to look good with what I had. I remember this too.

The REAL in REALity sets in when I look ar those pictures. I remem er saying things like wow that camera makes me look big instead of being real. I would hide behind everyone and only show my face cause everyone always said what a cute face. Thats all behind me now and I take pics all the time. Cant let life pass you by you gotta capture the moments and face our realities