I wrote on here awhile ago about a friend of mine who was being less than supportive of my decision for surgery. I made the decision, to hear her out, and to show her my side of things. She is afraid I haven't tried everything, that I am taking drastic measures to lose weight. First, I have known this friend for 2 years...she has NO idea about my struggles or what I have or haven't done to lose weight. So I clued her in.

Today, I find out, from her no less, that she and another close friend (we all hang out regularly) are going out of town tomorrow for a girls trip. One that I have attended, and one that we decided the three of us would make an annual trip. I only found out, because she emailed me today at work to ask how my day was going, and to tell me that she and my friend were headed out of town tomorrow to our spot. I was very hurt, felt left out, and couldn't understand why she would go out of her way to hurt me. I understand that this surgery can bring about changes in friendships, but I had no idea it would be this quick ( I am scheduled for surgery December 2nd), or hurt this badly. I have told hardly no one about my surgery, and told this friend because I really needed her support and excitement. What I got was jealousy, judgement, and hurt feelings how someone could be so mean...I mean this isn't high school, what the heck is wrong with people?!

Be happy it happened now. If she were to stay in your life she would just be a saboteur to your success. She is obviously jealous and immature. Best of luck to you! You will do great!

That is pure jealously! You don't need people like that in your life.

Yes she is. She is at her heaviest' date=' and always makes a point to tell me all she is doing the "hard way" to lose, but it isn't coming off. She can't do surgery because it would be out of pocket. She judges me yet had liposuction a few years ago, which she never misses an opportunity to show me her "thin" pictures. I feel bad I feel so angry at her but she is being a very inconsiderate, mean person.[/quote']

She's jealous! She's miserable! You're able to do what she can't; have WLS. She's doing it the "hard way" and it isn't working. She needs the surgery and wants it so wants you to feel guilty about what she perceives as the "easy way". What she doesn't realize is that you're not taking the easy way but the way that is best for you and that you'll have to work at the rest of your (HAPPY) life. I know you're hurt. Address it however you need to then move on. When a rocket ship ascends it has to drop of what would impede its ascent. ijs

People enter our lives for a Season, a Reason or a Lifetime. We just need to recognize and make peace with what it is.

That is not a friend. One of my best friends on the planet is a very small Teenie tiny size zero. She was one of the most supportive people I could of asked for. She still is. She is a great person who has always had my back no matter what I needed her for. She has continued to be wonderful support for me and a good friend.

I am 100% lucky to have friends, family and coworkers that are extremely supportive of me since day 1.

I've had "friends" in the past that weren't truly friends and once I figured that out I let the go. I don't have room in my life for negativity and that's what jealousy is.

I know it's hard to lose a friend but in the end it's the best thing to do by letting them go.

I have the same situation with a friend of mine. I am having a milestone birthday next year, and am planning a cool destination trip for any friends that want to go along. Now someone I would have described as my best friend wants to have our annual girls' weekend on the same weekend -- changing the weekend by a month from last year. I reminded her about my birthday plans, but that didn't make a difference because "she is not doing any big destination trips in 2014, so she and her husband can do a cruise in 2015."

I am so hurt that I am not more important to her than that. If the tables were turned, I would bend myself into a pretzel to accommodate her birthday plans.

My point is that we have been growing apart since my sleeve surgery. She is somewhat overweight and didn't say anything, but I feel is secretly judgemental about me "taking the easy way out."

I know I should just walk away, but it hurts. I really miss her. So we can all advise Nurse Bonnie to just end the friendship with her friend, but it's going to hurt all the same.

I have decided a year ago I wanted surgery. I told my 2 best girlfriends and my family. I moved from Philadelphia to California 6 years ago! I got very little support from all of them. I have dropped 60 pounds in 4 months previously while starving myself and over exercising. Well i gained it all back and then some! I am told I am taking the easy way out etc! I let them all affect my decision! If I hadn't, I could be 100 lbs less by now! I am depressed, lonely and binge eating. I am married and have a 3 yr old son. I am finally realizing how toxic my friends and family believe it or not are to me! I am glad I live 3000 miles away a lot of the time! I need to make new friends who share healthy ideas and ways of life! I work from home so it is very hard to meet people! It sucks. I do go to support groups but these groups of people are not my style! So confused anymore ????

Please be the strong person you already are, having made the decision that is best for you. Be the forthright person you have to be, because uou were open with your "friend". Believe that even though people are callous and mean at times, does NOT give them the power to make you feel bad. Only you can give them that power. Take it back and simply tell her that you appreciate her lettin you know which direction she was going in your friendship but you have already chosen a different path. A higher ground.

Your "friend" is deliberately distancing herself from you. This is her worst nightmare because soon you'll be buying cute outfits off the rack and enjoying the new you and she'll still be overweight. As for her not being able to afford self pay well boo hoo I'm going self pay and I didn't win powerball. Perhaps if she gave up trips out of town she could start saving for wls of her own and stop these infantile mind games.

Your "friend" is deliberately distancing herself from you. This is her worst nightmare because soon you'll be buying cute outfits off the rack and enjoying the new you and she'll still be overweight. As for her not being able to afford self pay well boo hoo I'm going self pay and I didn't win powerball. Perhaps if she gave up trips out of town she could start saving for wls of her own and stop these infantile mind games.

Here here, most of us really have to work our behinds off to have this surgery done, insurance or self pay. It's not easy taking a few weeks off from work not everyone has paid vacation. Along with many sacrifices, like" trips out of town" we have to prioritize. People who want this done will make the sacrifices in order to do it. Others will sit on the bench and degrade us for our healthy choices and hard work. Misery loves company, and she is obviously miserable. Happy people dont treat their friends like that.

Be cordial with this person and nothing else. She wants you to be angry and lash out at her. She wants to get under your skin. She sounds completely malicious and jealous and all around a bad time.

Cut that tie as soon as possible, I can already see that as soon as you stop talking to her she will lash out in some way, saying because of your surgery you think you're too good for her BLABLAHBLAH it's all just noise, because you've seen her true colors. There such be no room in your life for someone so toxic.

Best of luck!

Edited November 5, 201312 yr by MouseOnTheMile

Gosh you guys have all nailed it. She will totally turn the tables and try to say you think you're better than her now. You know what I find? All us fatties in here seem to be well written, articulate, sympathetic, thoughtful. ...a might better than the idiots I see on Facebook! What a bunch of drama they can be. So many people miss out on what's inside a person. I am so proud of all of us who are working so hard to jump thru the hoops, save, scrimp and put in the hours to make ourselves better and healthier. Remember not to change TOO much after surgery folks. Or you'll be just like "them" (fat or thin..."them" meaning the negaters and haters and game players!) CHEERS!

I have the same situation with a friend of mine. I am having a milestone birthday next year' date=' and am planning a cool destination trip for any friends that want to go along. Now someone I would have described as my best friend wants to have our annual girls' weekend on the same weekend -- changing the weekend by a month from last year. I reminded her about my birthday plans, but that didn't make a difference because "she is not doing any big destination trips in 2014, so she and her husband can do a cruise in 2015." I am so hurt that I am not more important to her than that. If the tables were turned, I would bend myself into a pretzel to accommodate her birthday plans. My point is that we have been growing apart since my sleeve surgery. She is somewhat overweight and didn't say anything, but I feel is secretly judgemental about me "taking the easy way out." I know I should just walk away, but it hurts. I really miss her. So we can all advise Nurse Bonnie to just end the friendship with her friend, but it's going to hurt all the same.[/quote']

Yes, it is so difficult! I recently moved to town and she welcomed me with open arms and made me part of her family. Ever since I mentioned surgery, things have begun to go downhill. There have been many times I have wanted to walk away, but then I hurt and it's hard and I don't want to be alone, so I go back and it happens again. I realize and can see the damage she is doing to me, it's just hard to make that final decision, but if I continue to think like I always have, I will remIn in the same place. I need to grow and do what is best for me, not what I think she wants or needs. It's hard to think about yourself first, it's why many if us are in this situation, but I have to make the decision to change. I appreciate everyone's uplifting words, they help more than you know.

I have decided a year ago I wanted surgery. I told my 2 best girlfriends and my family. I moved from Philadelphia to California 6 years ago! I got very little support from all of them. I have dropped 60 pounds in 4 months previously while starving myself and over exercising. Well i gained it all back and then some! I am told I am taking the easy way out etc! I let them all affect my decision! If I hadn't' date=' I could be 100 lbs less by now! I am depressed, lonely and binge eating. I am married and have a 3 yr old son. I am finally realizing how toxic my friends and family believe it or not are to me! I am glad I live 3000 miles away a lot of the time! I need to make new friends who share healthy ideas and ways of life! I work from home so it is very hard to meet people! It sucks. I do go to support groups but these groups of people are not my style! So confused anymore dde12[/quote']

I feel for you, I also live far from friends and family. It's tough when you feel alone and vulnerable, but I know we can do this!

I just don't understand people. I feel for you all. Recently I had a very sexy friend keep coming on to my husband and she sent him private fb emails with her number hoping he'd want to "talk" I guess. I know all about it because he told me lol I'm not insecure and my husband loves me fat or thin and we have a great marriage. My husband is rather oddly handsome (I'm prejudiced I know but really...he looks like a cross between Kevin Costner and Sam Elliot lol) so anyway...he isn't the least bit interested in her and I'm sure she can't figure out why someone like him loves a fatty like me lol. I just cut her loose. It was a little while after the email so she doesn't know exactly why but she can't be THAT stupid. One thing I have never had a problem with is cutting out toxic people. It hurts...and I have gone back to certain friends for a while but they always offend again. Fat or thin I'm still a better person than she could ever be! It is tedious. ..people come and go. I've learned to look past some people's idiosyncrasies for real friendship tho. I have a wonderful friend who loves to give unsolicited advice about stupid stuff way too often but guess what? She's happy for my surgery and SHE wouldn't come on to my husband!! Lol