Paperwork in, little worries
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I sent in my paperwork last week and have confirmed they got it all. Now I guess I wait. I'm pretty sure my insurance requires a 6 month diet with a doctor, so I won't be surprised if that's what I'm told.
There are a few things I wonder about...if I lose a bunch of weight with the doctor, are they going to say, "See! She can do it all by herself! She doesn't need surgery!!" Yeah, losing weight has always been easy, it's the keeping it off part that's never worked. Also, I have been diagnosed with hypercoagulability, my blood LOVES to clot too much. I had a minor surgery a few years ago and had to anticoagulate with heparin. Also, during my pregnancies I had to take heparin shots twice a day during the whole pregnancy and for four months afterwards, as women can form clots more during pregnancy. I've never had major surgery, and I'm scared of blood clotting issues. Anyone else have that issue, and did your doc just prescribe heparin for a period of time?
I get scared, but that's normal-I know. What I keep thinking about is how wonderful it will be to finally have a tool that will assist me in keeping the weight off. I will have hit the "redo" button, and after 44 years of being "the fat girl" and having to contend with the burden of carrying this weight around, the shame of being the bigger person in just about every situation, of not fitting in this seat or that spot...gosh, so many things. And now being prediabetic, PCOS, post-peripartum cardiomyopathy (healed from that), with joint pain every day, back issues, hypertensive meds...the future doesn't look so good and I'm so excited that there is an opportunity to turn that around.
I've been through so many diets that I can't even start another one now-I can't bear it. I have no faith in the eating plans because I have had so many times that I believed THIS was it, and I would do well for about 2-3 months, lose weight, have people tell me to keep up the good work, and then get so sick and tired of feeling deprived and miserable all the time. BAM, the weight would come back with it's little chubby buddies. I would try to "just eat in moderation" only to find that it was never enough. I was tired of feeling empty, emotionally and physically.
There is so much work ahead to learn how to not emotionally eat, and to lose that need to feel like I'm going to burst after eating and calling that "full". That's not full, that's overeating! But I will do that work because this is my chance!
This forum is a blessing and a half...I would go crazy if I couldn't come on here and read other people's experiences and ask questions. Thank you all.
Cara