Changing my mindset...

[ladylaura 77]

Is so hard! I find myself getting back into old thoughts and habits when I was on a diet before. I'll eat something and feel guilty. I can eat 3 oz of chicken and an artichoke, and feel bad thinking I ate too much. I know I'm not eating a lot, but I feel like when I do eat (and I do try to eat only when I'm really hungry), the guilt kicks in and part of me wants to just not eat at all. Does anyone else struggle with this too?

[gmanbat 5,889]

Amazing! I was thinking this very thing the other day after eating a pitiful amount of food. I was full, of course, because I have a little tummy. Then the guilt set in like it always did when I had the same feeling with my big, stretchy belly.

Somehow, a deeper level of consciousness came over me and I realized that the guilt was a ghost from the past. "I have eaten within guidelines", I told myself, "Wake up!"

I have other ghosts from addictions past: drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, promiscuity, that come to haunt me from time to time either with guilt or invitations to return to prison. I realize and rejoice that I am not that man anymore.

I turn on the lights, they vanish.

[gamergirl 4,609]

I too am struggling with this since I started real food post op. I'm really not eating that much but after everyone saying they could barely eat, and the doc saying don't eat more than 1/4 cup etc., every time I eat more than 3 bites I feel Ike maybe I am eating too much. It is utterly ridiculous and intellectually I know it

It's just that I don't trust my body to do what's right for it and tell me when to stop. So I'm still worrying just like I did before.

[Taels2013 33]

Talk about changing mindset! This is embarrassing but I'll tell you anyway...one of the things that I used to do a lot was stop at McDonald's when I had to drive more than 30 minutes...my commute was 50 minutes each way so it was mcDs sometimes twice a day. No wonder I gained 60 lbs in 3 years. Anyway, I'd get a double cheeseburger and coffee. Two weeks after surgery, I had to make a two hour drive. I found myself at a mcDonalds drive through with the coffee and the cheeseburger. Here's the thing, I did not wake up to what I was doing until after I paid and drove away. I opened the burger, it smelled so rank and disgusting, and I couldn't eat it even if I wanted to! I pulled over and tossed it in the trash. The coffee went too. The point of my story is that habits are hard to break, especially the ones that were comforting. Eating, then feeling like crap about it, is also a bad habit that needs to be broken. I ate a tablespoon of Peanut Butter the other day and enjoyed the hell out of it...and got the guilties so bad! Then I acknowledged that with the peanut butter, I had only 300 calories the whole day. I decided that it is ok for me to enjoy the food I eat now, because I should enjoy nourishing my body. It's pretty hard and painful to overindulge with the sleeve, right? Hope this helps.

[ladylaura 77]

So glad I'm not alone in this! I see a nutritionist and she is always telling me to just listen to my body and nourish it. She says what's wrong with having one Oreo cookie once in a while? Or even a piece of dark chocolate? Obviously, can't eat it all the time..but, her point was to start getting in the mindset that this is a lifestyle change and that the thoughts need to change too. None of us can live the rest of our lives in a "diet" mentality, so allowing ourselves to have that piece of chocolate, or slice of pizza or whatever once in a while is okay. It's just hard to change that thought process in the moment. But, I guess with practice we can do it

[gamergirl 4,609]

Here's the thing, I did not wake up to what I was doing until after I paid and drove away. I opened the burger, it smelled so rank and disgusting, and I couldn't eat it even if I wanted to! I pulled over and tossed it in the trash. The coffee went too. The point of my story is that habits are hard to break, especially the ones that were comforting. Eating, then feeling like crap about it, is also a bad habit that needs to be broken. I ate a tablespoon of Peanut Butter the other day and enjoyed the hell out of it...and got the guilties so bad! Then I acknowledged that with the Peanut Butter, I had only 300 calories the whole day. I decided that it is ok for me to enjoy the food I eat now, because I should enjoy nourishing my body. It's pretty hard and painful to overindulge with the sleeve, right? Hope this helps.

I did that twice today. Walked into a restaurant for Breakfast asked for coffee with my Breakfast. Umm. I can't eat and drink. Wasted the coffee. Went to see a client, got a coffee. Out of habit. Wasted that one too! Apparently we all have these habitual food getting behaviors that we aren't even aware of, until you can no longer do it. Eye opening for me.

[cindymg 629]

So glad I'm not alone in this! I see a nutritionist and she is always telling me to just listen to my body and nourish it. She says what's wrong with having one Oreo cookie once in a while? Or even a piece of dark chocolate? Obviously' date=' can't eat it all the time..but, her point was to start getting in the mindset that this is a lifestyle change and that the thoughts need to change too. None of us can live the rest of our lives in a "diet" mentality, so allowing ourselves to have that piece of chocolate, or slice of pizza or whatever once in a while is okay. It's just hard to change that thought process in the moment. But, I guess with practice we can do it [/quote']

I would have to slap a nutritionist who told me I could just have a piece of chocolate or slice of pizza once in while. An alcoholic doesn't ever want just one drink. Me, a foodaholic, doesn't want just one piece of chocolate. I want the entire 2 lb bag of M&Ms. For me, there are trigger foods that lead me down the wrong path. If a nutritionist doesn't know that, not sure he/she should be counseling Bariatric patients. Just my opinion.

[Taels2013 33]

I dont know...I think the nutritionist is being realistic and honest. this surgery will help with learning moderation. It sort of forces you to be happy with a little bit of things we enjoy. Like dark chocolate. Or a slice of pizza. Its the not being able to stop that is the problem. I know I will avoid the scary foods, those things that I could not stop eating once I started...I'll only be able to have a little because of my sleeve and the cravings and wanting will be horrible. I plan to very much enjoy going out with my friends for coffee and sharing a nice dessert, or really enjoying two chicken wings instead of two dozen. I am learning moderation already...by not letting myself feel guilty or paranoid over a spoon of Peanut Butter. Those days are over. I want to remake my relationship with food. That means, for me, that I should be able to nourish myself with good healthy meals and enjoy an occasional treat without beating myself up about it.

[ladylaura 77]

I can stop after one slice of pizza or a piece of chocolate. For me, the "forbidden foods" have always been an issue. So, knowing I CAN actually have them once in a while helps me not feel so depressed or like I want them more. Everything in moderation...

[gamergirl 4,609]

There was a really nice discussion somewhere where butterthebean talked about abstainers and moderators and that people were different in this regard. Some of us can moderate, others have to abstain so as to not get triggered. I don't yet know which one i am, but I hope to never get triggered by sugar like I used to pre-sleeve.

[cindymg 629]

As an alcoholic friend of mine says, "that's why there is more than one brand of beer in the world!"

I am relating my experience in criticizing a nutritionist who could suggest everything in moderation to a compulsive eater. Hey, if the advice to eat everything in moderation works for you, that's great.

I've been trying that for 40 years, and haven't been able to master it yet. While my sleeve restricts the amount I can eat, I am starting to see how people eat around their sleeves. And this is just too important to me to screw it up.

For me here is an example: I recently added sugar-free chocolate Fiber bars to my daily Snacks to try to up my Fiber intake. And I am suddenly finding that I am craving things like ice cream. So, is the sugar-free chocolate a trigger for me? Too soon to tell, but I may have to give these up lest I go off the deep end and wallow in slider foods.

[debrooks66 41]

I just want to be able to eat and enjoy anything at this point. I tried a bite of a cookie once and the sugar sent me puking! I don't crave it all. My NUT said the same thing - don't deprive yourself however be mindful it's a treat not a habit! I would love to have a piece of pizza BUT I'm scared of puking!

[7 Bites_Jen 479]

Yes, yes, YES. It is a daily battle. I am a year out and I still struggle with this. food is an addiction unlike any other - unlike drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes, you cannot separate yourself from food - you HAVE to have it to live. So we start the cycle.

I think a LITTLE guilt is healthy - to an extent. But riddling yourself with guilt is not productive. For example, I am currently munching on White Castle sliders. I have eaten 1 1/2 and I am feeling insanely guilty telling myself I should have stopped at one. The guilt is not going to change the fact that I ate that other 1/2. It might stop me next time, if I listen and learn from it. But it doesn't change what has already been.

A little fear is also healthy - I should be more afraid of what I eat than I actually am! It keeps you accountable and from eating what you shouldn't and eating too much of it.

[da1stladie 63]

It takes time and a lot of practice to change our habits to healthy choices. We can all do it, just take your time :-)

[Peggy 53 69]

Great topic on this thread. I hadn't really processed it, but I too feel guilty if I think I'm eating too much when clearly it is such a small portion compared to my pre-op days. I get full, like I'm supposed to, but even that is a whole new experience because before full happened only after at ate half the refrigerator ( ok a bit of an exaggeration, but I'm sure y'all understand my drift) . I have yet to experience 'physical' hunger. I eat pretty much because I know i have to get the Protein in. If it wasn't for that, I'm sure I'd just graze along with a bite here and there cuz my head does say...have some if that.

As for the comments on the nutritionist, that is clearly someone who has no idea who compulsive eaters are and what food/sugar/carb addiction is all about. I highly doubt she'd tell an alcoholic to have beer when their drink of choice is vodka. I know a lot of my trigger foods, and I have to be careful with some fruit cuz it triggers too. I have a whole list of " bet you can't eat just one" because I can't - sleeve or no sleeve. I have got to keep it clean, lean and mean. I've tried moderation, and that doesn't work for me. I did a lot of work with a therapist before my surgery.

I was reading a study today that commented how we choose our words.... If we say we can't eat something, there is a greater chance that we will eat it. Whereas if we say I don't eat something, there is a greater chance we won't. This was a study done with a bunch of college students and the outcomes were surprising. But it makes sense. The feelings of " I can't " leave me feeling in this place of self punishment. I can't go out, I can't eat pizza, I can't drive a car.... But to say "I don't" has a different visceral response. Ok now I think of the snooty girl who looks down her nose, that sense of entitlement. I don't wear polyester, I don't eat sugar, I don't drink tap Water, I don't eat Cookies. One is like a "poor me" syndrome, while the other is a sense of self care and personal entitlement. Granted the snooty girl can be a B$$ch, but if done honestly it sets a personal boundary that someone else just can't get thru. Ya, the first dietician would tell us we could eat popcorn in week 2.... Oh, my belly hurts thinking of eating it now. She was an idiot. I have a much better on now who get it.

Ultimately we have to know ourselves and be honest with ourselves. Tallyho