I find myself in an odd situation. I feel as though I always need to be doing something. I am not sure if it is that I have so much more energy than I ever had before or the psychological impact of realizing just how much of my life I spent inactive and on the couch, essentially wasting my life.

By doing something I don’t necessarily mean always working out or exercising, though I have found myself going out for runs, just for something to do. I used to spend hours upon hours just watching TV and now, while I still have a few shows I like to watch, I really feel like I’m just wasting time if I’m sitting in front of the TV. Even going out to a movie I find to be more enjoyable than just staying at home.

Here’s where the problem comes in. My wife does not share my desire to be almost constantly on the go. She likes to go to work come home and just relax. Nothing wrong with that and she does on occasion want to go out or go for a walk, etc., but she is much more content just chilling out at home than I am. It’s really become an issue because she doesn't want to hold me back from doing things, doesn't want me to become resentful of her if I don’t go do things and yet she does not want to be left home alone frequently either.

I never thought anything like this would come from me doing something to lose weight and better my health.

Wow that a tough one, my husband is a LOT more athletic than me, so he goes and mountain or road bikes on his days off without me..

But I "let" him because it feeds him like it would never feed me.

But we still do things together at least once a week that involves exercise..

It's ok to do separate things. I have my things he has his.

what about talking to her about making an effort.

Do you think you can get her to set up a "date" night where you guys go out?

She's going to have to compromise, if I don't want to do something I can't also expect my husband to sit with me every night.

Oh and sorry about the above, I was thinking out loud. On the situation... O_o

Nothing to be sorry about, thanks for the input. Yeah we have talked about it, to great lengths. I'm sure the relationship will work out. I really never expected this amount of desire to be on the go. Can't say I'm disappointed about it though.

Could you set up an evening walk with her for once or twice a week? It will get her active and you can have time to talk and connect. Then maybe join a cycling club or something so you can make some active friends and get some exercise. Encourage your wife to pamper herself or have "me" time when you're off being hyperactive. I imagine she is probably feeling guilty and like you think she's lazy. You've changed the status quo of the relationship. It needs to find a new normal.

I find myself in an odd situation. I feel as though I always need to be doing something. I am not sure if it is that I have so much more energy than I ever had before or the psychological impact of realizing just how much of my life I spent inactive and on the couch' date=' essentially wasting my life.

By doing something I don’t necessarily mean always working out or exercising, though I have found myself going out for runs, just for something to do. I used to spend hours upon hours just watching TV and now, while I still have a few shows I like to watch, I really feel like I’m just wasting time if I’m sitting in front of the TV. Even going out to a movie I find to be more enjoyable than just staying at home.

Here’s where the problem comes in. My wife does not share my desire to be almost constantly on the go. She likes to go to work come home and just relax. Nothing wrong with that and she does on occasion want to go out or go for a walk, etc., but she is much more content just chilling out at home than I am. It’s really become an issue because she doesn't want to hold me back from doing things, doesn't want me to become resentful of her if I don’t go do things and yet she does not want to be left home alone frequently either.

I never thought anything like this would come from me doing something to lose weight and better my health.[/quote']

I have similar issues, sometimes my husband is up for it, sometimes not. I have my elliptical in the living room so I can hang with him and burn off some of that nervous energy. I do miss being able to sit still long enough to get some reading in. Right now feel antsy and lack any kind of attention span.

Shel in Kansas - Sleeved 5/21/13

Nothing to be sorry about' date=' thanks for the input. Yeah we have talked about it, to great lengths. I'm sure the relationship will work out. I really never expected this amount of desire to be on the go. Can't say I'm disappointed about it though.[/quote']

Oh, yes! I experienced it too! Never been athletic and still aren't but I found that I couldn't sit still for more than a few minutes at a time without jumping up to "do" something!! I do think we have to adjust psychologically to our new lifestyles and others who have never had such a life change don't have to adjust! Sometimes that makes for "growing pains". I Celebrate 40 years with my man this year and believe me, THIS YEAR has been one of the roughest as far as relationally. He retired in January (5 1/2 years older) I'm still working and THAT has made some waves too. And he is content to sit with his iPad when we travel and just BE there. Not me! Why travel if you sit in the lobby or room? ).

So long story short - it's WORK - and as you said you can work it out!!

This is interesting, I also did not expect this. I'm much earlier out that most of you, only three months, but I've had a huge increase in my energy already and do find myself in the same situation. My hubby is much more content to be at home than I am finding myself to be lately. There have been a few occasions where I've gone into the other room and jumped on the treadmill because I can't stand to just SIT while watching TV. I'm also more motivated to GO, get things done, be out & about. I've also started exercising and am finally getting to that turning point where you start to like it as opposed to just doing it. I'm happy about this, as I want to be able to keep this habit for the rest of my life, but my hubby is not motivated to exercise at all. I do worry that I'll become more and more active and will find myself in the situation you're in.

Sorry I don't have any suggestions for you, but I did want to say thanks for bringing it up. It helps to know that this is a struggle for others as well. I look forward to reading how other people handle it.

My husband and I deal with this on a daily basis and we have both had the surgery hah! He works out like an animal 6 days a week, he has a gym at work and has pals that he works out with daily - I am not quite there yet. He lost all of his weight in the first six months and is maintaining and is building muscle - competing in events like the Warrior Dash etc.

Meanwhile, I am not in maintenance - I have 42 more lbs. to burn and like many others, the losses have slowed way down for me - I will get there eventually though. I certainly am not going to get down on myself at this stage of the game. In truth, I am already there as my Doc says - all of my co-morbidities have been resolved. It is still hard to wrap my mind around the truth that I am only a few lbs away from being just overweight rather than super morbidly obese. I often struggle with body dysmorphia issues - washing my own clothes and not realizing they are mine, always thinking "I cant fit into something that small" these aren't my clothes and just generally not being able to see myself.

Over the past months I have thought an awful lot about this very issue - I know in some ways it has to be tied to identity - and for those of us who have never seen themselves as athletic (me) trying on a new viewpoint.

I am getting to the point that I actually look forward to exercise (how crazy is that!) - I know that I need to continually be mindful and focus on how much better I feel about myself being more active, and to remember just how far I have come - I am literally unrecognizable from who I was only a year ago not to mention 2,3,5,10 years ago.

Change comes incrementally - those short evening walks a couple times a week turn into running 7-10 mph on a treadmill very quickly. Progress is cumulative - all of those little changes we make add up to some pretty big victories.

My husband goes out and challenges himself with much more exercise than I do and we spend time each week doing active things together that are easier for me. I don't know if I will ever see myself as athletic but I am working on it

Lol see it never ends - I look at my own ticker and realize I have 32 lbs to go to hit goal and not 42. Lord knows the work involved when I eventually do attain the elusive 140 lbs. I have never gotten there.

I was active before surgery, so not much has changed excet I am less pooped at the end of the day, I can do more back to back activities, and my feet and joints are not screaming at me.

My husband of 30+ years and I have always had different interests and I do many things he doesn't. I do save several days a week for him and we do stuff we both enjoy.

Lynda

My significant other of 15 years has always been one to watch alot of tv- alot of sports especially. We have always had plenty of independence and separate interests but my level of activity increasing after losing weight definatley changed my habits and lifestyle. It wasn't really about working out (which I did and he didn't) it was more about how you spend those evening hours - relaxing or doing.

As you may know, we did split up although it had nothing to do with this issue, it certainly didn't bring us any closer.

Interestingly, everyone has focused on the relationship aspect of the OP. I would like to turn our attention to the other significant point of the post, that you feel the need to be constantly doing something. Sure, this is likely the result of making up for lost time, all those years when we sat around doing nothing and as you say, literally wasting our lives. But I do think there is something else at work here; you see, we used to fill that "boredom" or antsiness or whatever you want to call it, with food. Which of course reaches back into the "whys" of our overeating in the first place. What were we avoiding by stuffing our faces? What aren't we facing by being constantly active? What would happen if we were alone with our thoughts? I don't know if I'm making any sense or if it's just hogwash, but this occurred to me too, just like it did for the OP and a few others who said they have felt this way. When I was in the States a typical day for me was as follows: 5am wake up, 6am-2pm work, 3pm pilates, 4pm yoga, 5:30pm crossfit or tango, 7-8pm do laundry/pack lunch/set out clothes for following day/pay bills/journal/shower. 8-9pm watch a movie or show, sleep. and I did a version of this 6 days a week, I only slept in on Sundays, and even then it meant getting up at 8 instead of 5. and guess what? I really mean this when I say, that I still felt like I wasn't doing anything. I'm serious guys, I still felt "lazy". No doubt that is from over a decade of social abuse, being told overtly and subconciously that I was lazy or worthless etc etc etc.

so anyway, I love being active, I love dancing and physical movement and being social, but I have also concentrated on being okay with just being me, and not having to prove my worth every second of every day.

Hope my ramble made sense.

globetrotter, what you say does make sense.

I went through a somewhat frantic phase...LOL

I think when I stopped abusing food as a "mood stabilizer" it took awhile for me to auto stabilize without external help.

In spite of what I said above, I actually do sit around and lounge and can do so without feeling restless. It is a matter of degree though, I do not WANT to spend my life watching TV - I want to "do"

Interestingly' date=' everyone has focused on the relationship aspect of the OP. I would like to turn our attention to the other significant point of the post, that you feel the need to be constantly doing something. Sure, this is likely the result of making up for lost time, all those years when we sat around doing nothing and as you say, literally wasting our lives. But I do think there is something else at work here; you see, we used to fill that "boredom" or antsiness or whatever you want to call it, with food. Which of course reaches back into the "whys" of our overeating in the first place. What were we avoiding by stuffing our faces? What aren't we facing by being constantly active? What would happen if we were alone with our thoughts? I don't know if I'm making any sense or if it's just hogwash, but this occurred to me too, just like it did for the OP and a few others who said they have felt this way. When I was in the States a typical day for me was as follows: 5am wake up, 6am-2pm work, 3pm pilates, 4pm yoga, 5:30pm crossfit or tango, 7-8pm do laundry/pack lunch/set out clothes for following day/pay bills/journal/shower. 8-9pm watch a movie or show, sleep. and I did a version of this 6 days a week, I only slept in on Sundays, and even then it meant getting up at 8 instead of 5. and guess what? I really mean this when I say, that I still felt like I wasn't doing anything. I'm serious guys, I still felt "lazy". No doubt that is from over a decade of social abuse, being told overtly and subconciously that I was lazy or worthless etc etc etc.

so anyway, I love being active, I love dancing and physical movement and being social, but I have also concentrated on being okay with just being me, and not having to prove my worth every second of every day.

Hope my ramble made sense.[/quote']

I think this is an excellent point; at least, it resonates with me. Having been sedentary for so many years, at least in the sense that I didn't exercise, I DO feel like I should be doing something all the time. However, I have always been a busy person. I work 60 - 80 hours a week on top of being a mom, I was a Girl Scout leader, home room mother, and had a million things going on. But somehow it feels different now than before. Maybe it's the absence of food as a "relaxant".

Interesting. "Food" for thought, anyway!

Interestingly, everyone has focused on the relationship aspect of the OP. I would like to turn our attention to the other significant point of the post, that you feel the need to be constantly doing something. Sure, this is likely the result of making up for lost time, all those years when we sat around doing nothing and as you say, literally wasting our lives. But I do think there is something else at work here; you see, we used to fill that "boredom" or antsiness or whatever you want to call it, with food. Which of course reaches back into the "whys" of our overeating in the first place. What were we avoiding by stuffing our faces? What aren't we facing by being constantly active? What would happen if we were alone with our thoughts? I don't know if I'm making any sense or if it's just hogwash, but this occurred to me too, just like it did for the OP and a few others who said they have felt this way. When I was in the States a typical day for me was as follows: 5am wake up, 6am-2pm work, 3pm pilates, 4pm yoga, 5:30pm crossfit or tango, 7-8pm do laundry/pack lunch/set out clothes for following day/pay bills/journal/shower. 8-9pm watch a movie or show, sleep. and I did a version of this 6 days a week, I only slept in on Sundays, and even then it meant getting up at 8 instead of 5. and guess what? I really mean this when I say, that I still felt like I wasn't doing anything. I'm serious guys, I still felt "lazy". No doubt that is from over a decade of social abuse, being told overtly and subconciously that I was lazy or worthless etc etc etc.

so anyway, I love being active, I love dancing and physical movement and being social, but I have also concentrated on being okay with just being me, and not having to prove my worth every second of every day.

Hope my ramble made sense.

Not rambling at all. You have done an outstanding job of understanding what I was asking about. There will likely be differences in most relationships as people grow and change. My main curiosity was this internal drive to nearly always be busy.

Thanks again to everyone for the comments.