Hi all. I have posted before but a little background. I have been overweight all my life and have tried so many diets that I can't stand that word. My husband got a job that covers wls as long as you do their 6 month program and qualify under their rules. As of now I'm waiting for approval and my surgery date is set for July 29. I am so happy... They started me on a diet of 2 Meal Replacements per day then dinner and 2 Snacks. I have been doing really good besides the 4th and a little too much tonight. Back at it tomorrow. I start my pre op liquid diet the 18th.. Not looking forward to that.

Anyways, this time of year is super hard for me.. We lost our son almost 3 years ago. He was 2. And his birthday is July 9th and he would have been 5 this year. When he passed I gorged on food I couldn't cook, sleep or think. I ate myself to 322 lbs.... I am still so heart broken but I am trying to turn to people for support instead of food. People think I am so strong but that's be a use I hide it and then eat my emotions away... I don't want to be that person. I have 2 other boys who need me around for a long time.. But I just need help. Somewhere to vent and get it out...

I have cried myself to sleep the last 2 nights but I haven't shoved it down with food. I just hope that I can continue this journey and make my little boy proud. RIP Jonny

God bless you and your journey. Your post brought tears to my eyes. It's amazing how many emotions we stuff down with food over the years. Now once we have the sleeve there's no hiding the emotion we must feel them and feel them fully without food to dull the pain. There are a myriad of reasons why I gained all this weight and all of them are emotional for me as well.

As for losing your belief in God I totally understand where you're coming from and let me tell you something God is real. I've had a near death experience and I am telling you that He's real and it sounds so cliché to say that there's a divine plan but there is. The loss of your son is something your soul needed to experience on earth. When we die we get all of our questions answered eventually. Maybe going back to that church might be a good idea because I understand how expensive counseling can be. I am giving you a super big cyber hug right now You hang in there.

sometimes people need a lot of space with religion after something really devastating happens. dont shove the god talk down her throat. give her space! it can take lots and lots of time to sort out your feelings about god and life after losing a child. let her find her own way, please!

Thank you. I have never been a huge believer in God persay. Yes I believe there is a God but do not believe in organized religion necessarily... But I believe my son is in heaven. And it helps. His birthday was 10 days ago and we all dealt with it the best way we could. I am doing better and have been doing fairly well considering. I keep busy and search this site for anything.

But again thank you for all of your support.

Thank you. I have never been a huge believer in God persay. Yes I believe there is a God but do not believe in organized religion necessarily... But I believe my son is in heaven. And it helps. His birthday was 10 days ago and we all dealt with it the best way we could. I am doing better and have been doing fairly well considering. I keep busy and search this site for anything.

But again thank you for all of your support.

I agree with you and I don't believe in organized religion either and I don't go to church on a regular basis. I could write a whole book on what has happened to me over the past few years but I won't make this thread about "my stuff". I just want you to know... I know what you're feeling and know that you have my support! IT WILL GET BETTER.

sometimes people need a lot of space with religion after something really devastating happens. dont shove the god talk down her throat. give her space! it can take lots and lots of time to sort out your feelings about god and life after losing a child. let her find her own way' date=' please![/quote']

You're rude. Just thought you should know if no one else has told you. You know nothing of my experiences and unless you've lost a child YOURSELF you wouldn't understand either. I am just showing her support like so many people do on this forum minus the nasty commentary.

So please take several seats.

I'm so sick and tired of people getting funky on the forum for no apparent reason. It's getting boring plus you're hijacking the thread subject.

I notice that happens too. Out of nowhere someone gets rude. If you disagree it can be done in a civilized manner.

Your family sounds really supportive and loving. How cool your grandma is wanting a Jonny tattoo.

For counseling, does your husband's employer participate in the Employee Assistance Program (EAP)? If so, that could be some free counseling sessions. Also, you might look for some bereavement support groups for parents in your area. Social workers at local hospitals (especially if there is a children's hospital nearby) or other children services areas should have contact information for you. I'm so glad you have gotten such kind and supportive responses here. I read your story; you have been through so much. If you want to PM me I would be happy to look up the services for you and send you the contact information.

You're rude. Just thought you should know if no one else has told you. You know nothing of my experiences and unless you've lost a child YOURSELF you wouldn't understand either. I am just showing her support like so many people do on this forum minus the nasty commentary.

So please take several seats.

I'm so sick and tired of people getting funky on the forum for no apparent reason. It's getting boring plus you're hijacking the thread subject.

how do you know i havent lost a child? you know nothing about me. seriously, you are reading a lot into this. the OP felt this was supportive and felt like people were crowding her about god. maybe you, dear, should take a seat. since i in no way was personal (except the OP) to anyone here and you are attacking me directly. you can take back your projection now.... who's doing the hijacking?

With all do respect, the OP asked for help and people are only trying to do just that. I have already replied to Cindym when she first posted but I want to add this after reading everyones post to her...we all started out with a common goal, I believe, which was to give support to this lady because she was feeling overwhelmed in her life. it should not matter where our support comes from meaning some of us may come from a place in which we were raised; which was too love, to know, and to share God because He is in our hearts and a part if us, so that is what we wanted to share because that's what we feel might help her. There are others whose opinion may have came from experiencing the same thing she is experiencing and that is OK who are we to judge that. And others may feel that their opinion is based on whatever it is based on whether it includes God, their own experience to share or whatever the reason. The OP seems to be a very intelligent person but at this point she is hurting a lot nd she has a choice to read these post and take in whatever it is that can help her to heal nd to find a peace in her world, so with that said, I hope that if she feels that anyone is shoving their views on her then she would disregard them. There is no need for us to turn on each other about our beliefs, non belief or our neutralism. Cindy, again, I'm sry for ur loss, ur pain, nd all that ur going thru, but one thing shud be obvious to u, I hope....is that we all care for u nd hope the best for u in our own way, that we are willing to stand and help u, we strangers, nd that u have any ONE or all of us here if you ever wanna chat more personally. It's ur journey, good bad or indifferent BUT we are willing to walk it w u, just as u did in ur original message, just ask. Everyone here had/ has good intentions altho they were given from OUR OWN life experiences. Take care. Dee Dee

how do you know i havent lost a child? you know nothing about me. seriously, you are reading a lot into this. the OP felt this was supportive and felt like people were crowding her about god. maybe you, dear, should take a seat. since i in no way was personal (except the OP) to anyone here and you are attacking me directly. you can take back your projection now.... who's doing the hijacking?

Edited July 22, 201313 yr by *susan*
Against forum rules.

YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS WITH YOUR UPCOMING SURGERY! Since I intimately know your pain I felt the need to reach out. You are brave to post your story as I could not do the same. I probably never will as the pain is that deep. Hugs to you.

Edited July 22, 201313 yr by *susan*
Against forum rules - VST staff will determine what is or is not appropriate.

I believe anyone who has taken this thread off topic to make it a personal argument between themselves and another member should truly be ashamed. From this point forward, if you are here to offer support to the OP, please do so. If you disagree with something another member has posted, then take it to PM. Nobody wants to see your personal arguments here, it is incredibly disrespectful to the OP who has shared something very personal and very tragic in her life. She doesn't need the further stress of people fighting with each other. Please note, I will not hesitate to ban members for not following our forum rules.

Thank you.

Thank you. I really don't like confrontation and noticed that people started being rude. My dad and step mom are very christian and they pray with me and for me. I believe everyone is here to help and it is easy for me to read the kind words and love and support even if people say or speak through god. Each of you have been amazing.

Just please stop attacking each other over things that only I should be sifting through. I appreciate every comment and all the support. Thank you all again. Yes this is a hard story to tell but it is part of me. Part of who I am now. To not share to not talk about it openly only means I am keeping it all inside.

Thank you for giving me a place to speak of my Jonny and the road I am traveling. I know that Jonny is watching over me everyday and that I need this surgery to be with my 2 older boys longer.

I just wanted to say even though you are angry with God or even unsure of his existance right now... a lot of churches have a grief share or celebrate recovery. Grief share has helped a hunch of people I know who arent church goers and celebrate recovery could help you find a healthy way to handle the emotions without food... they are both free and even though it is a christian setting there isnt pressure... you can ignore this or check it out but I will be praying for you and your family

I have never heard of that! I will check into it! Thank you.