Hi all. I have posted before but a little background. I have been overweight all my life and have tried so many diets that I can't stand that word. My husband got a job that covers wls as long as you do their 6 month program and qualify under their rules. As of now I'm waiting for approval and my surgery date is set for July 29. I am so happy... They started me on a diet of 2 Meal Replacements per day then dinner and 2 Snacks. I have been doing really good besides the 4th and a little too much tonight. Back at it tomorrow. I start my pre op liquid diet the 18th.. Not looking forward to that.

Anyways, this time of year is super hard for me.. We lost our son almost 3 years ago. He was 2. And his birthday is July 9th and he would have been 5 this year. When he passed I gorged on food I couldn't cook, sleep or think. I ate myself to 322 lbs.... I am still so heart broken but I am trying to turn to people for support instead of food. People think I am so strong but that's be a use I hide it and then eat my emotions away... I don't want to be that person. I have 2 other boys who need me around for a long time.. But I just need help. Somewhere to vent and get it out...

I have cried myself to sleep the last 2 nights but I haven't shoved it down with food. I just hope that I can continue this journey and make my little boy proud. RIP Jonny

I to have lost a child and thats how I put on a lot of my weight . The pain never goes away you just learn how to go on with the pain .. I'm hoping this surgery helps me get some of me back . I also haven't been back to church from the day my daughter past away . I'm not mad at God just don't want people feeling sorry for me .. Just wanted you to know your not alone .. I'm new to this page but it seems to have a lot of great kind people here .. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here for you ill be keeping you in my prayers ..

My 17 year old son died 17 years ago June when he fell a sleep driving. He and his best friend died instantly as the car faulted over a creek and landed upside down on the opposite bank. I'm 2 months out of surgery and this is the first year I haven't Gained weight! The pain never goes away...it's like a headache you can't get rid of. I was angry at God at first and don't believe Rays death was part of any plan. My God doesn't work that way. Free will and physics were the problem. Rays guardian angle was there. God was with me as I grieved. He was in my friends and even strangers who grieved with me. He was in the teenagers who came to the visitation and funeral. Find something to do that will honor your son. I support Amanda the Panda which is a support group for families that have lost a child. I also donated bird houses and a deer feeder to the Nature Center because Ray loved animals. It will get better. I wish you peace.

I am so sorry for your loss and the loss everyone else has shared. Your right it doesn't go away its always there and always will be.

Thank you so much for the response!!

I'm so saddened to hear your story. I am sobbing as I write this. I too lost a son. Tre would have been 18. I too turned to food for comfort and saw large weight gains in the years after he passed. I think our paths to this decision are similar. Each year you will have moments, it's ok to grieve as anniversaries of his passing, birthdays or other milestones occur. This past Spring was hard for me because he would have been 18 & graduating high school. Take the time to remember Jonny and celebrate the memories you have of him. You have one sweet angel walking along side of you and he is so proud pf you. Hugs...

I love your user name... Just keep swimming... Seems so fitting right!! I am so sorry for your loss. I find it the most horrible around birthdays, anniversaries... But this year my son zander will be 6 and Jonny would be 5 they would have played tball together for the first time. They would have been in kindergarten together... I think of all the time he is missing and it tears me apart.. But I know in my heart he is right there with his brother enjoying all those things..

I miss him with every breath I take... Thank you for taking the time to comment.

I had a 6 year old to care for after Ray died. He saved my life. We celebrated Rays birthday for years. I got a gift for Gerritt and we celebrated Rays life. I think it helped Gerritt. Even though Ray was gone, he was still part of our family.

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. A good friend of mine lost her son to congenital heart issues at the age of 5 and has memorial tattoos that give me chills everytime I see them. I cannot truly understand the depth of your pain but I do know how strong you are to keep on living every day. I too recommend Grief Share or Celebrate Recovery. CR helped me immensely with sexual abuse issues that I had been stuffing down with pain medication. There was a sub group of "special issues" that were women who were struggling with depression, weight, sexual abuse, addiction, and all kinds of grief. Also, if there is a college or university near you, they may offer your community counseling at little to no cost; both our community college and state university here do that.

Thank you for having the courage to post your story, and for everyone else who has shared their losses as well. I am new here, but I now know that I have a safe place in times of sorrow as well as triumph. Love this forum!

Wishing you peace and healing, in whatever form it takes. {{{Hugs}}}