I'm just curious how you folks handle PMs from newbies.

I get quite a few of them and usually do not mind helping out and answering. For fear of this becoming a rant or something that will get locked, I'll just generalize, but I get a lot of messages that are more along the lines of "justify this surgery to me" or "do my research for me" or "give me the magic answer for my weight loss pace/struggle/scale woes/etc." and similar things. I get plenty of folks that actually have a similar situation or stats and feel more comfortable sending a message off there. And of course I love comparing stories with other folks that have reached goal or are close to it and have seen a post of mine and want to talk more about it privately.

I feel like there's a line here, too, and I walk too close to burning my self out completely on VST sometimes. I have a life outside of WLS - a new baby on the way, five year old twins and I just moved 8,000 miles and am staying in my in-laws house until my husband can join me and we can start the final leg of our journey. And we still have to find a place to live!

Ninety percent of why I'm active on VST really is to help other people out, but I am not Google, you know?

What ways have you other vets found to deal with this kindly and politely? I do want to help but the vast majority of PMs are about things I've discussed on the forum already and that other folks have talked about a million times, too. But I'd also feel guilty just deleting messages or ignoring them, too.

~Cheri

I answer all the PM's I get. The top question I get is about my extra skin. Seriously, I lost the equivelant of an obese man, YES -- I have extra skin. The second most asked question is how to lose as much as I have. Butter said it best "by being extra fat". The third question is about my "diet plan". I swear, I start every message with either __ In my opinion or I am not a doctor.

And some of us are givers but just decided to take our lives back.

I am in the process of reevaluating what I get from VST these days.There is so much conflict going on that it is just totally ridiculous. I love the this post that cheri has started because she's talking from her heart. It does get tiring to have people PM about the same thing over and over. I know a lot of the vet's that have plainly just left VST because of the conflict that come up. Most of the conflicts are just plain stupid. People getting defensive and attacking one another. This site represents how society is in real life. So this is real life in itself. When the veteran's forum was started, I thought how awesome that is because we can voice things that bother us without offending newbies. But no, it's so far from the truth, newbies are still getting offended because they are new to this and have difficulties putting them selves in our shoes.

I do PM with a few on here that are totally down to earth and supportive to each other. When I get PM'ers I will give them a short brief answer. This is life. Now how can we take the Veteran's forum and talk about things that are affecting us without offending newbies? I don't see and answer as evidenced by this post! We are all people and thank you Cheri for posting this. You always have good things to share and have been on of my mentors here. Rock on!

And some of us are givers but just decided to take our lives back.

Aaahh!!! How r u?! I've missed seeing u around on the boards.

I remember PMing u and PdXman. I'm very thankful that u both took the time to respond and didn't treat me like an askhole. I appreciate that! As for answering PMs, I take the time and do it. I hope to be as helpful as others were to me.

And some of us are givers but just decided to take our lives back.

You are missed, for sure, by those of us that remember your upbeat and positive posts. But you hit it - I don't come around much anymore because I'm tired of giving and getting snark or silence in response to my questions or posts.

~Cheri

You are missed' date=' for sure, by those of us that remember your upbeat and positive posts. But you hit it - I don't come around much anymore because I'm tired of giving and getting snark or silence in response to my questions or posts.

~Cheri[/quote']

I am sure you must be VERY BUSY these days! How did you do so far with weight and pregnancy?

Maybe you guys could maintain a veteran's FAQ and just link people to that when they ask questions that are covered in it. Or put the link to the FAQ in your signature and in PM, tell people "Look at the link in my signature and you will find the answer."

Maybe you guys could maintain a veteran's FAQ and just link people to that when they ask questions that are covered in it. Or put the link to the FAQ in your signature and in PM, tell people "Look at the link in my signature and you will find the answer."

Not a bad idea

Maybe you guys could maintain a veteran's FAQ and just link people to that when they ask questions that are covered in it. Or put the link to the FAQ in your signature and in PM' date=' tell people "Look at the link in my signature and you will find the answer."[/quote']

BTB does this for the infamous "3 week stall" question, but not everyone can see the signature by default, do not read the signatures, cannot read them due to font size or are not in the same thread as said poster. I like the idea of having a sleeve FAQ forum at the very top of the forum list that can only be posted to by vets (to keep the content pure, on topic and useful). This would be really helpful. It would address all the most important topics that come up a million times like 3 week stall, BM, gas pain, etc. It would be well moderated to remain 100% useful to sleevers of all stages from researcher to pre-op to multi year vet. The information most likely already exists over and over again throughout VST, but it is not organized well enough, too hard to find and too full of randomness. Thoughts?

Regardless of where the FAQ is, people won't find it and will need to be linked to it. I think most people use the app, and sticky threads in the app are on a different tab (I didn't even notice them at first). I like the idea that only vets can post, but I think the way that threads work is that someone has to go in and edit the first post to add things that people have put in the comments. Maybe you guys could talk to Alex about it. Maybe he could make a webpage on here that was not a forum post, and you guys could put things there. Or you could maintain it on a different website like someone's blog and just link to that.

(I feel a bit guilty posting here because I'm not a vet, but I have been involved in a lot of forums and websites)

I think the best thing to do is what someone already suggested.. Put a "please no PMs"

In you signature and if someone PMs you and you don't want to bother don't bother....

I agree Laura, but we still want to fix this problem in a manner that would really help VST ( big picture thinking).

I agree Laura' date=' but we still want to fix this problem in a manner that would really help VST ( big picture thinking).[/quote']

Alex was having this discussion about a month ago with one of our members the member was going to make a whole "most asked questions and answers" section.. But I wonder if that person just flaked because Alex said if someone did it he would put it "up"

8 more days and I get to play with the big people in the Vet section

Lalalalah ...

I agree Laura' date=' but we still want to fix this problem in a manner that would really help VST ( big picture thinking).[/quote']

Just bumped the thread about it... Check it out.