I'm just curious how you folks handle PMs from newbies.

I get quite a few of them and usually do not mind helping out and answering. For fear of this becoming a rant or something that will get locked, I'll just generalize, but I get a lot of messages that are more along the lines of "justify this surgery to me" or "do my research for me" or "give me the magic answer for my weight loss pace/struggle/scale woes/etc." and similar things. I get plenty of folks that actually have a similar situation or stats and feel more comfortable sending a message off there. And of course I love comparing stories with other folks that have reached goal or are close to it and have seen a post of mine and want to talk more about it privately.

I feel like there's a line here, too, and I walk too close to burning my self out completely on VST sometimes. I have a life outside of WLS - a new baby on the way, five year old twins and I just moved 8,000 miles and am staying in my in-laws house until my husband can join me and we can start the final leg of our journey. And we still have to find a place to live!

Ninety percent of why I'm active on VST really is to help other people out, but I am not Google, you know?

What ways have you other vets found to deal with this kindly and politely? I do want to help but the vast majority of PMs are about things I've discussed on the forum already and that other folks have talked about a million times, too. But I'd also feel guilty just deleting messages or ignoring them, too.

~Cheri

My secret is to be an unapproachable ass. That way no one wants to know anything from me.

I really get very few PMs, but the ones I do I answer sincerly. If they took the time to ask my opinion, then I will give it to them the best I can.

The ones I get are usually asking questions about Dr. Aceves and I am happy to share my experiences there.

That is a good one butterbean - the secret to my amazing success was that I was incredibly overweight to start with...haha.... I think i will steal that one next time somebody cries that they haven't lost 50 pounds in 2 weeks.

I think my total weight loss sometimes makes people think I have some secret. My only secret was being extra fat so I had more to lose.

I, too, have answered the same PM over and over, or had the PM where there are about 5 "active" threads on that very topic.

I usually check the asker's join date. If they are new, I will answer them as completely and honestly as possible. I will also give them links to the search function and suggest they use a non-mobile device for researching this important topic. Mobile devices should only be used to check up on posts and PMs, not researching removing 85% of your stomach. Too much good information is not shown on them.

For the asker who has a join date a few months old, most of the time I feel they are looking for me to validate whatever it is they are wanting to do.

I don't do that.

I will find a few threads that answer their question, tell them how I found them in less than 5 seconds and give them the obnoxious LMGTFY link which always has their answer.

Nothing will shut a (chronic) PM'er down faster than giving them a LMGTFY link.

(and yes, I wrote the text you find there, it doesn't come that way, in case YOU are not familiar with LMGTFY)

I'm guessing this thread will stop a lot PM's and maybe even embarrass those who have already reached out to you for help.

I in no way intend to offend you, Cheri. I like the advice you give but lately you've expressed your dislike of the discussions on this site a few times. Maybe you just don't care for this site all together anymore.

As far as how to handle the PMs, I usually give my experience and guide them in right direction to do their own research. I guess if it was something I didn't want to answer, I wouldn't.

Hey Nicole,

I've had a re read of the original post and I don't mean to speak for Cheri, but there's nothing there that say's she was offended.

A lot of what VST is about is giving back and helping people with their struggles that are the same as your struggles.

I've always found the vast majority of people on VST, including Cheri, to have a lot of empathy for others. I can completely understand how someone in a helping role can feel like they might be starting to burn out. I see it a lot in my line of work. And I have empathy for that as well.

I just meant don't take offense to what I was about to say about being burnt out on this site, like you said, Dean.

Lol dean..

I might be wrong, I don't know but try re reading Nicole's post again I think she said she did not want to offend clk ??

I'm going back to my double cheeseburger now..

Doh,

Sorry Nicole! I shouldn't read first thing in the morning.

Let's all just pretend that we're married, and disregard me completely!! :P

As you were ...........

Oh according to Iggy you and I are more than married... muuuahhh

I get mad people ringing work all the time making baseless allegations. I had a mad woman call the other day saying she thought her ex husband was giving her 12 year old son steroids because he was having a growth spurt.........

For some people 2 + 2 = 64

There's a total dork named, Dean on Jeopardy right now!

There's a total dork named, Dean on Jeopardy right now!

That would be an American Dean. Aussie Dean's are much cooler

You know, every time I see Keith Urban on American Idol, I think of you. I'm on VST too much!

Keith grew up not far from where I live. We're probably related

Maybe I should grow a mullet?