I totally did something stupid today and allowed myself to try and get into a binge mode. I didn't get much down and ended up with the slimes AND throwing up. Now I have horrible heartburn and cramping... Jeeze what a way to retrain the brain. For now... OMG ow!

Scary part is I know my trigger right away... People have been pointing out my weight loss everywhere even people that I don't see that often and I don't like it.

Well it might because of shyness' date=' trauma in the past. Or just not used to being not noticed, judged. As a woman you are judged everyday by your looks maybe more so when your smaller, Hell Maybe it's a girl thing... I don't know.

Years ago I lived across the street from my office I would walk everyday across the crosswalk to work, on any given day I would have some man yell his comments. Sometimes it was a whistle sometimes it was mean, like once a man barked like a dog. After awhile I started driving to work.

Sometimes it's just uncomfortable to have people judge/ comment even if its nice

Sorry I took over this thread... Quietly walking away now <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />[/quote']

Very true ! Girl thing

Well being the original poster I can only cast light on my own reasons and life...

I am happily married and have been for 7 years, I have two kids whom I adore, and up until the surgery I was exactly the same weight I was when I was in high school. I've never, not once, been under 200 lbs since I was 13 and I have no clue what it would be like. I've lived, dated, loved and lost at 260-270 lbs and I was completely fine doing so. I'm also only 27 years old and at the beginning of my adult life. I'm completely comfortable in my "fat" body and hell yeah I rock the sexy lingerie and strip for my husband as if I were 120lbs waif.

So then why have the surgery? Diabetes runs in my family, along with heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and sleep apnea. I have a heart murmur and runs of tachycardia that they can't find a reason for. I also have epilepsy and insomnia.

Soooo, was it for looks? No lol why would it be? My husband and I both like the softness of my body and the way I can tight lace into a corset. Do I think life will be better or different thinner? No clue, I've never been thin. The reason why I dont like the attention of losing weight because I feel like I'm being praised for being superficial and wanting to "fit in" to the mold that society tells me I should fit into. It makes me want to start handing out sheeple stickers or come back with a snappy report about how much my heart palpitations have been reduced. Alas this is a visual world and only those slight of figure get the compliments.

THATS why I eat, thats why I prefer to be invisible... I'd rather be invisible and fat than to be confused with someone who cares about what society tells me is attractive.

Edited to add: that is until the doctor sat me down and told me to knock it off and that it was time to take care of my health so I didn't have to do this in my 50s with a ton of comorbidities.

I did not get anything mean from Snap's response to this comment. It sounded like concern to me. I was alarmed when I saw this statement too. Eating to protect yourself in a "fat suit" is an issue I would hope that one would be seeking therapy for because you are not helping your self at all by doing this.Therapy is a wonderful thing for many including me:)

I appreciate all of your comments and insight. I do see a therapist and have identified why I felt like that in the past. Your right i have been doing some real soul searching as to "why" i want this surgery and if I should do it at all. Bottom line is health is the most important thing to me. I know that getting this sleeve will help to give me physical assistance in getting my weight under control. I do worry about the emotional effects of the surgery though, I guess in Canada that is perhaps one of the reasons they make you see a therapist. I have not told anyone that I have booked my surgery as of yet, I guess for fear of being talked out of it. Does anyone have any insight into going through this themselves?

Its not just a "woman" thing. I don't mind people noticing but so far the only people who have noticed are co-workers on a small floor in a small hospital. Most of them knew about the surgery so it doesnt really count lol. One thing's for sure... I think i did the whole self sabotage on diets (and many other things) because Id rather be invisible and not have people approach or their attention... I must admit im scared to lose these next 99lbs because i wont be me anymore.. That big dude... People might actually flirt for a change... Or talk to or notice me... Its pretty scary. Its not something ive ever had happen so i have no clue how to handle it... Just my .02

Its not just a "woman" thing. I don't mind people noticing but so far the only people who have noticed are co-workers on a small floor in a small hospital. Most of them knew about the surgery so it doesnt really count lol. One thing's for sure... I think i did the whole self sabotage on diets (and many other things) because Id rather be invisible and not have people approach or their attention... I must admit im scared to lose these next 99lbs because i wont be me anymore.. That big dude... People might actually flirt for a change... Or talk to or notice me... Its pretty scary. Its not something ive ever had happen so i have no clue how to handle it... Just my .02

But you're acknowledging it and thinking about it!

Which is good, I think, because you can now use this time to work on it and embrace your changing body and life

I think the fact that we are being honest with ourselves about how a person handles these changes and the emotions that come up is the best place to start. Acknowledging these feelings and being aware is how working through therm starts. After all losing weight is just as much an emotional and mental change as it is physical!

I think the fact that we are being honest with ourselves about how a person handles these changes and the emotions that come up is the best place to start. Acknowledging these feelings and being aware is how working through therm starts. After all losing weight is just as much an emotional and mental change as it is physical!

You are right! It is a very emotional journey Also...All you have to do is look around this forum for a minute and you will see a lot of emotional turmoil going on

The best we can do, is step back, take a look at it and work on it

Edited to add: that is until the doctor sat me down and told me to knock it off and that it was time to take care of my health so I didn't have to do this in my 50s with a ton of comorbidities.

::raises hand:: that is me...turned 51 this week...type 2 diabetes for 10 years now; on insulin for last year and still uncontrolled with high a1c; high blood pressure and beginnings of arthritis, foot ulcers and currently healing from a bone infection...I am not necessarily promoting WLS for everybody, but I am encouraging anyone with the family history for diabetes and/or heart disease who is obese and especially morbidly obese to do whatever they need to do to help protect against these health problems

I appreciate all of your comments and insight. I do see a therapist and have identified why I felt like that in the past. Your right i have been doing some real soul searching as to "why" i want this surgery and if I should do it at all. Bottom line is health is the most important thing to me. I know that getting this sleeve will help to give me physical assistance in getting my weight under control. I do worry about the emotional effects of the surgery though, I guess in Canada that is perhaps one of the reasons they make you see a therapist. I have not told anyone that I have booked my surgery as of yet, I guess for fear of being talked out of it. Does anyone have any insight into going through this themselves?

I have definitely been going through this same soul-searching...and also discussing it in sessions with my therapist...I, too, am not 100% postive the surgery is the right thing for me, but at this time in my life and with my current issues, I am finally beginning to see that I need some kind of drastic change...and while I am worried about possible complications and the physical issues with having a sleeve for a stomach, I am also very much concerned about the emotional aspects...I have anxiety issues (one of the reasons I over eat), and I am wondering what it will feel like not to have that comfort when I am feeling anxious...also, a large part of my social life and family interaction centers around food and the enjoyment of eating...I am wondering how I will feel when I cannot fully participate...will I feel more like a "freak" than I do now? I have been at times in my life severely depressed, so much so that I have had to take leave from work...I worry that somehow this choice of WLS will lead to another bout of severe depression...I definitely can empathize with your dilemma...I consider myself a spiritual person, and I have prayed a lot lately about this...I believe that WLS is what I am being lead to as an option, but of course I am not sure...it's requiring a big leap of faith on my part...

Thanks for your openness I am glad that I am not the only one questioning how my current relationship with food will change after surgery?

You are right! It is a very emotional journey Also...All you have to do is look around this forum for a minute and you will see a lot of emotional turmoil going on

The best we can do, is step back, take a look at it and work on it

That's very true.