Okay, boys and girls....I would like to have as much input here as you can spare.

This is the deal.

As I have mentioned before my MIL lives with me. She will be 87 in the spring. She's in great shape for 87, but she won't live forever, obviously.

My husband has one brother (in another state). Recently we met up with their cousin N (reunion) whose mom was Aunt Louise. Aunt Louise died a couple of years ago. She was about the same age as my MIL. Cousin N is a retired high school principal (CA district) and her pension is 101% of her salary. Her husband just started drawing his SS because he wanted to wait until he could collect full benefits. They have a very nice income, which I do not begrudge them.

Cousin N mentioned to my DH and my BIL that they needed to "get on the stick" and start disposing of their mom's money, meaning pay it out to themselves, have her sign over property, etc. Otherwise, she said, Medicaid would not pay for extended care when the time comes. She said there is a 3 year "look back" period (I think it's 5 in Texas). That means she can't go into long term care at the government's expense until all her money has been gone for 3 years.

Cousin L and her sister had their mom give them all her worldly goods while she still lived in her home. They paid a Mexican woman $50 per day to take care of her, 24 hours a day, 6 days a week for the last year or so. When the look back period was up, they declared her indigent and put her in a nursing home at Medicaid's expense.

My BIL was horrified. He considers this to be unethical, immoral, and fraudulent. I agree with him. My DH is straddling the fence.

My MIL has about $400,000 in assets. Her income is not shabby - about $2000 per month. She has nursing home insurance that will pay $45 per day. My BIL and I think that when the time comes, we should put her in a nice home and use whatever of HER money is necessary to pay the bills. Whatever is left, the boys can split when she dies. It will not be necessary to apply for Medicaid at all.

Cousin N's feelings have been very wounded as a result of my BIL's indictment of her (at least that's what she calls it). Her argument is why should the government get her mom's house/money and leave nothing for her kids. Lots of other people, who never owned property or saved a dime, are living in extended care on Medicaid. She says it's not fair for her to pay and them not to.

My MIL, by the way, is all for this scheme.

I would like to say that when children are dealing with their parents the desires of the old person do come into play. While my father was alive my parents led a more "expansive" life financially speaking, even though my father was one of those macho type controlling men. After he died, and this was 8 years before my Mum did, I had hopes that she would become a little more adventurous and a little more social. It was my father who was a homebody and while he was alive he did call the shots.

As it happened my mother hurt her knee not long after my father died. This ultimately ended up in a knee replacement - oddly enough the operation was on on 9/11.

We kids wanted her to spend money on herself but she became obsessed with the notion of passing the family money down to the next generation. This was a real problem for us.

For some years she lived alone in her condo. She was in good health. My younger brother finally convinced her to sell the condo and to move to a luxurious retirement home. She tried it out for a week and decided that she liked it. We convinced her that she could afford it and so she sold her condo.

In the meantime my kid brother was quickly diagnosed and died from bowel cancer. During this dreadful time my other brother, who was up from the States, and I were involved in watching my brother die and in the business of moving our mum from her condo to her new home.

A week after she moved into her retirement home she developed mysterious problems and severe pains. She went to the ER a couple of times, was given medications, and then returned in very bad shape. Two weeks later she was dead. We did have medical personnel on our side. My brother is a doctor and my cousin's wife is a senior nurse at this hospital.

And certainly her retirement home was a splendid place. The original point of this post was that my mum, a woman who had been left quite comfortably off, didn't want to waste the green money on her final years.

Oh, the old folks! They can become quite passionate about saving their money for the next generation!

To tell you the truth, I am quite baffled by my mother. She was, unlike my father, as tight as a tick while she was alive, and yet she was passionate that we inherit the whole nine yards after she was gone.

I tell this story without meaning any disrespect to old folks. I am simply remembering my Mum and her attitude to what she regarded as the 'family money.' I find it interesting to remember that she didn't want to spend it on herself or anyone else.

As for my Mum's terrible death, it was like my kid brother's death; neither of them were anticipated and the two of them died two months apart to the very day. I suspect that my Mum died of a broken heart.

I find it interesting to remember that she didn't want to spend it on herself or anyone else.

My mother-in-law is so frugal, it drives me nuts, even though I am pretty thrifty myself. She gets terribly upset if I throw out the milk when the expiration date passes by more than a day or so. She says, "Oh, it's just a little blinky. I'll drink it." YUK!

The worst thing is that she cuts back on her meds to save money. Instead of taking a pill 3 times a day, she will take 2. And all her meds are generic, so she's saving pennies and doing major dollars worth of damage to herself! She was recently diagnosed with retinal bleeding because she cut back on her blood pressure meds.

But this story takes the cake....

My MIL walks two miles, every day. She's almost 87, so she walks in half mile increments. Anyway, she comes home all the time with stuff she finds in people's garbage. (This drives me nuts, too.) One day, it was one of those huge popcorn containers, decorated in a Christmas theme (it was August). We thought it was just an empty can and it caught her eye. Wrong. It was full of popcorn - and she ate it. I was sooooooooooo grossed out. I tried to get my DH to throw it out and NOT allow her to eat it, but he wouldn't.

My DH says that when his mom dies and she gets to heaven, God is going to say, "Carmella, you could have stayed down there a lot longer if you had just taken your medicine like you were supposed to."

And she's going to say, "I know....I know," then, looking around, "That's funny. Bill's not here." (Bill was my FIL.)