Yes, we do get into it here sometimes. There are posts and comments that cause our hackles to rise. We are from different states, countries, cultures and have different values systems, experiences and opinions. We respond to different approaches in different ways. Some of us need a "kick in the pants" or "tough love" and respond well to that, others are more responsive to a gentle hand and softer words. There is no one size fits all in these forums, which is what makes it stronger for the differences. One thing is obvious to me at least, and that is we all share a common experience and passion. We are planning to, or have been through vsg surgery and we are at times scared, excited, thankful, ashamed, proud, angry, apathetic, and countless other feelings.

This is an emotional process. It is mentally stressful. It is academic in our search for information. It is very physical. For some it is even spiritual.

We do not have to agree on everything. We are here to share our thoughts, opinions, experiences and questions. Since it is a public forum, it is also open to anything from anyone at anytime. That may be more challenging for some than others when they read a response that they interpret as offensive. Some react strongly, others are not as emotionally invested in what others have to say. There is no right or wrong way to feel about this. We do all need to remember that we are working through a framework of a shared experience, though we may process our thinking about it in different ways.

Definition of Reactive Thinking

• Reactive thinking is crisis-based thinking, coming up with solutions after problems develop. Reactive thinking responds to the situation. A reactive thinker often spends too much of his time fighting fires. A reactive thinker is easily blindsided by circumstances. A crisis-driven reactive thinker may be more prone to feeling stress.
  

Definition of Proactive Thinking

• Proactive thinking, on the other hand, involves foresight. To be proactive means to think ahead, in anticipation of future changes or problems. It means covering your bases to include all possible scenarios. A proactive thinker will have several contingencies in mind. A proactive thinker sees the likelihood of crises before they happen.
  
  Ref: http://www.ehow.com/...e-thinking.html
  

As someone who has gotten into more than my share of "debates" on this forum, one thing to keep in mind (and I often forget myself) is that people who are fresh out of surgery can be very emotional because they are going through a tough time. They will rarely admit to that, but it is not a fun time...those first few weeks. My inclination is to always tell someone the cold hard truth. But it's clear that sometimes people don't really want that, what they want is just some support and encouragement...and to know they are not alone. There are plenty of fine people here who will always give that encouragement. The important thing to remember is that you're likely to get both on any given day. You have to be prepared to receive both if you put yourself out there.

I also notice that "tone" gets lost or misconstrued so often in these dust ups. It's so hard to accurately translate someone else's tone over the internet. It makes for plenty of misunderstandings. If we were all sitting around the treehouse having these same conversations, I doubt there would be half as many heated conversations.

They're all just crazy!

Can I say that?

Listen, I struggled with depression for years. For the first winter of my life, I'm on top of it! Yay! You know why? Because I just learned to let things go. I focus on the things I can control and allow everything else to just fall at the wayside. We hold on to too much and we allow it to fester. The sooner we release it, the better off we'd be. I'm just happy to be happy! If people just focused on being happy, nothing else would matter!

It's kind of hard to misconstrue a tone when you're being called an idiot or ignorant just because you disagree. It's rude in any tone.

If calling people idiots and telling them they should be ashamed of themselves is tough love in your eyes, then I really hope you're not a parent.

If calling people idiots and telling them they should be ashamed of themselves is tough love in your eyes, then I really hope you're not a parent.

1. ...No idea why you would assume you know what I mean by "tough love." I have never called anyone an idiot or told them they should be ashamed of something in any thread in any forum.

2. That is very personal and rude of you to say you hope I am not a parent based on your assumption of #1.

If calling people idiots and telling them they should be ashamed of themselves is tough love in your eyes' date=' then I really hope you're not a parent.[/quote']

Wow, what hypocrisy. You post about supposedly rude people by being rude. Hypocrisy and irony. Nice.

As forum administrator, I am really unhappy with the tone of the boards lately. We thought we had gotten this all under control when we were deleting topics, and issuing a great deal of warning and bans. Things quieted down a bit, but now it seems to have all started again. Seriously people, this is a support forum. Be supportive, offer advice and if you can't respect our rules and be polite, then don't post a response and move on to the next topic.

I am going to close this topic. It is only going to grow into another one of those greatly heated threads where everyone ends up arguing, nothing is resolved and we once again end up losing members who after reading a thread like this, become afraid to post for fear of what kind of retribution they will suffer as a result of doing so.

http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/topic/52658-please-read-do-not-create-topics-for-ranting-and-raving-about-other-members/

Tis the season and all that, just everyone try and get along!