Well, hi all!

Some of you might remember me - I was around for a bit awhile back. My dad put a stop to my surgery in February. So here it is, August and I'm going to try again. I'm going with a different surgeon this time and plan on not telling a word of it to my father. Problem is now that my mom wants nothing to do with it now, either. Doesn't want to know anything about it.

I'm 19, I'll be 20 in a month and a half. This is a well thought out plan - the surgery, that is. I don't make any decision, ever, without thinking it through to the very end. My parents are both alike in their thinking that I should try one more time to go and lose the weight in a move conventional method.

Here are my stats: 19, 5'4, 225 pounds. PCOS, Under active thyroid, Pre-Diabetic, Metformin for five years and I've only put on weight. Sometimes I look at those numbers and think maybe I can do it in a more "conventional" way but then I look in the mirror and at all the pills I take and think about how I feel when I have to move and.. this is just not how I want to live my life and I'm tired of trying, trying trying and failing, always.

Has anyone ever had "less" weight to lose? (I say this not to be offensive, if we're here, we've all obviously got weight to lose, right? ) But even if the sleeve takes off eighty pounds, I'll be so close to where I should be to be healthy. (I really hope that wording didn't offend anyone. Sorry!)

Also, has anyone ever been in a situation where people like parents didn't give you the support you wanted? Or felt like me, having to go behind their backs about it? I feel like I'm all alone in this. (I have the support of many friends, but my mom's my rock. To have her not support me feels like a punch to the face. My dad - I could do without his support, really. But I still feel shitty for doing this behind his back.)

This is a lot, I know. I'm just so overwhelmed. I just want to be healthy and make a decision and do it. So.. help?

P.s I truly believe his reaction would be the same if you used your settlement money instead of the insurance....

Let me just say: parents don't know everything. And I'm a parent, so I can say that! Do what's best for YOU. Grow up and take control of your own life!!! Go for it. Quietly, lol.

Sounds to me like your Dad is either afraid something will happen to you or needs to maintain control--or both! The "party line" is if my kids were still under my roof & I was supporting them (this included me providing them with insurance), they did as I said.

However, I agree with Lolly, discussing this with either a 3rd party, therapist or even go with you to the surgical consult might work better. You are an adult and you can & will find a way to do this but would encourage you to do it with their support if at all possible. Besides if your Dad is there & asks all the tough questions, he will have an eye-opener--this works! Let us know and best wishes, glad you are not waiting till your health declines more...

Hi

Being the mother of a 20 year old,myself having had the sleeve and hiding it from my parents at the age of 45 (my mom knew anyway somwthing was up,she made my dad send me an email saying your mom is worried about you what is going on,as I was quiet that week) and having told them a month later (they were just concerned and are super supportive now) I thought about your situation from all angles.

It would really be better to wait for your settlement if possible.Taking responsibility for your own life and health is great but it is still their medical insurance and they would have good reason to be upset if you do it that way.

How do you plan on hiding the insurance issue from them anyway?They will find yout that way wont they?Dads will try to interfere again if he finds out,wont he?

And maybe while you wait to get your funds you can slowly slowly start making changes in eating and exercize that wouls be very helpful post sleeve anyway.

Having said all this,I too wish I had a permanent selution to this very permanent problem at the age of 25 when my I totally lost control after battling obesity since,well since I can remember as a very young child.

Good luck in making a decision and remember things usually work out in the end and if they dont work out,it is not the end yet!

Even if you are on someone else's insurance, that does not give them the right to dictate your medical care. It's illegal and HIPAA protects your medical privacy. Your father would have no rights to have sued your former surgeon, he was not the patient. Now, of course he can try to drop you from the insurance after the fact, which in my opinion is a really crappy thing to do to a child. Unfortunately, people in 12 step programs can get extremely over zealous with wanting to share the program. IT DOES NOT WORK FOR EVERYONE! In particular, people with food addictions. As an alcoholic, he can avoid having another drink the rest of his life and live a normal productive existence. Unfortunately, never eating again is not an option. If he had to have just 1 drink a day...I wonder what his success would be? Food addicts are faced with their demon everyday.

You are in a tough situation. Personally if you are prepared for the financial consequences of being dropped by the insurance and potentially losing assistance with your tuition, then go for it using the insurance. Hide it from them. Make sure your insurance knows that you will take legal action if they share your medical information with your father or anyone other than you. Laws are there to protect your privacy!! All correspondence should go directly to you if you live at a different address. Call the insurance company and make this clear with them. They can get in big legal and financial trouble for breaking the law!

Good Luck...