justkeepsmiling

Well, hi all! Some of you might remember me - I was around for a bit awhile back. My dad put a stop to my surgery in February. So here it is, August and I'm going to try again. I'm going with a different surgeon this time and plan on not telling a word of it to my father. Problem is now that my mom wants nothing to do with it now, either. Doesn't want to know anything about it. I'm 19, I'll be 20 in a month and a half. This is a well thought out plan - the surgery, that is. I don't make any decision, ever, without thinking it through to the very end. My parents are both alike in their thinking that I should try one more time to go and lose the weight in a move conventional method. Here are my stats: 19, 5'4, 225 pounds. PCOS, Under active thyroid, Pre-Diabetic, Metformin for five years and I've only put on weight. Sometimes I look at those numbers and think maybe I can do it in a more "conventional" way but then I look in the mirror and at all the pills I take and think about how I feel when I have to move and.. this is just not how I want to live my life and I'm tired of trying, trying trying and failing, always. Has anyone ever had "less" weight to lose? (I say this not to be offensive, if we're here, we've all obviously got weight to lose, right? ) But even if the sleeve takes off eighty pounds, I'll be so close to where I should be to be healthy. (I really hope that wording didn't offend anyone. Sorry!) Also, has anyone ever been in a situation where people like parents didn't give you the support you wanted? Or felt like me, having to go behind their backs about it? I feel like I'm all alone in this. (I have the support of many friends, but my mom's my rock. To have her not support me feels like a punch to the face. My dad - I could do without his support, really. But I still feel shitty for doing this behind his back.) This is a lot, I know. I'm just so overwhelmed. I just want to be healthy and make a decision and do it. So.. help?

@Fraz & hilliary - thank you both for your helpful replies! Good luck to both of you on your upcoming surgeries. @Capt Derel - believe me, I'd like nothing more then to do just that! (Punch my dad, that is!) That's basically my thought process: if I can just do it, then he'll see what a good thing this would be in the long run, when my nightstand isn't clogged up with pill bottles and I'm happier and healthier. He just can't see past the surgical part of this, how drastic this is. (That's what I've gathered from what he said when we argued about this the first time.) @LouiseC - I am over 18 but am still on my parent's health insurance, yes. I bounce back and forth with proceeding, really I do. I haven't made a set decision yet. But I do know that if I go through with this and my dad finds out, there is a high probability that he will take me off the insurance policy. (I also have to be prepared that he may or may not stop helping me with college tuition, so if I do this, hiding it would be a priority.) It would also probably be good to mention that seven months ago, I broke my ankle in a car accident. (This is another motivating force behind this surgery. My physical therapist keeps saying, "your recovery would go much better if you could just lose twenty or thirty pounds." Honey, if it was that simple, I would have done it by now.) I have a very large settlement coming my way from the aftermath of this accident so if this doesn't happen sooner through insurance, it will happen later through self pay. I will probably go through with this, it's just a matter of when - and if I'm willing to totally sabotage what's left of my relationship with my dad. Thank you all for being sounding boards for me and listening to my endless babble. I appreciate it more then I can say. It's so helpful to be able to get it all out, muddle through my thoughts and have feedback from people who have been there. So thanks!

@Tallysfunny - my father threatened to take me off his health insurance policy and then when that didn't scare me, he threatened my suregon. Said he'd find something to hold against him. It was my surgeon who ultimately decided that he was uncomfortable doing my surgery and denied me as a patient even after my consent forms were signed and everything. And unfortunately, I don't know if I'll ever be at peace with any decision. If I don't do it, my heath will continue a steady decline. If I go through with it and my dad finds out, my relationship with him will be at its lowest point yet. So.. I just don't know. :/ @Chitowngirl - I was also on 2000mg of Metformin, for all five years. Part of it, I was switched on and off of both the generic name (gluphenogue or something like that) and extended release on both, also. But good Lord, did that medicine tear up my stomach something awful. And after numerous bouts or nausea/vomiting on it, I'd still gain weight. I'm mighty impressive, huh? @BigGirlPanties - first of all, what a fabulous username! I do have the support of my friends and roommates. The first go around, I had my mom's support but she can't find it in her to support me this time. She has said that if I do this, she doesn't want to know anything about it. I hope that it didn't come off that my father and I have a good relationship, because we don't. We're at each other's throats all the time, especially after he stopped me from doing this the first time. He's a recovering alcoholic that firmly believes that every single problem can be solved with a twelve step program and he also firmly believes that by doing this, I'm taking the easy way out. Hell no - he's got no idea what he's talking about. @jh5497 - That's exactly what I've been thinking and I feel like if I don't do this, I'm not doing it because I want to keep my parents happy and in turn, making myself miserable. I'm really, really stuck. And I was thinking that I could do this and keep it under wraps from my dad - I'm a junior in college with an apartment by school so he doesn't see me that often. I don't think he would think anything amiss if I was losing a few (a lot?) of pounds every six/eight weeks when he saw me, right? Haha I've had a lot of time to toss this all around. Thanks so much for your replies. I have a lot to consider. Tomorrow, I'm actually going to go to a seminar for a new surgeon and see how that goes. Going to make an appointment for next week and sit down with him and get a feel for what he thinks. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed and hoping everything falls into place.

Okay, so here's a quick rundown of what's been going on. My dad wasn't informed about this surgery until after I got insurance approval and that is the route that I decided would be best because my dad doesn't like it when things are half assed. After checking this route with my mom, she agreed with me. That way, after my consultation and all the tests I would be able to answer his questions. And I decided to wait until after getting insurance approval because if I got denied by insurance, there wasn't any point in getting him all worked up about it. Well, he wasn't happy with that decision, or any other decisions I've made for my life, especially those regarding this surgery. For the past two weeks, we have been fighting nonstop. Calm talks turn into screaming matches and then I get upset and then we'll go days before talking again, and then the cycle repeats. He went as far as to say he would pull me from the insurance policy if I continue to say that I would go through with this. But at the end of yesterday's conversation, that threat was mentioned and I think he's relenting because he said, "Cate, you're going to do whatever it is you want to do anyway." Our relationship has always been rocky and complicated. He was never around when I was growing up and recently, because of my mom's declining health, made more of an effort to be present in the last three years. But I will stand by how I feel and that's that he can't just decide to waltz back into my life and stop me from making major decisions for my life. He's never been to a single doctor's appointment with me. Which brings me to my next point. He called all my doctors - my PCP, my endo, my gyno, my gastro, my neuro, my suregon - who all spoke to him, except my suregon, and not only did they speak to him about my medical records without my written or verbal permission, but my endo told him inaccurate and incorrect information! My suregon, the gentleman that he is, requested a meeting with both my parents and myself to answer any and all questions that they may have, (I went to my consult with a friend because my mom is disabled and homebound, except in cases like this, and my father was still in the dark at that point.) and also asked for my permission to speak to my parents about my medical history. It just makes me crazy. If I don't get pulled from the policy and I do have surgery next Thursday, I'm going to be going to the hospital alone. I have one parent that supports me and can't be there and one parent that could be there but doesn't support me. I just hate how friends that I known for my whole life and even those that I've only had for a year or two support me more then my own family. I'm so tired of fighting with him and I'm sorry that he doesn't like what I'm doing but I'm doing this for me. One thing for me and he needs to understand that. And I know that, regardless of how 'in' my life he was, he's still my parent and he's still concerned, but he doesn't want to know anything about this. He is so stubborn! So, if things go as planned, I will have surgery on Feb. 9th. I'm just so completely stressed out. Thanks for letting me vent, I needed to get that off my chest.

Well, after all this, it turns out, there isn't going to be a surgery for me. Yesterday I had a meeting with my suregon and my dad and after talking for about an hour, my suregon made the decision not to operate on me because of how my dad feels. Am I okay with this? No, not at all. It was kind of like I was sitting in a room with these two men who just up and decided to make a major life decision for me without my input. I'm fuming. So I'm not really sure where to go from here. It's safe to say that I'm feeling worse about myself then I've ever felt before. I'm so angry and upset. He just doesn't get to do this. As for all of you that answered in regards to my insurance and a breech of HIPPA, I'm nineteen and my parents are still married, God only knows why. After I called my PCP and gave him an earful, he responded that because I have been seeing him since I was a minor - the same is true for all my doctors - that I would have had to file a piece of paperwork after turning eighteen to state that they couldn't talk to my parent(s). I should file a complaint, but I don't have the energy to start trouble. So bottom line for me is that this was all just a huge waste of time. It was also the end of my rope, so now that I've hit rock bottom and no one's around to help me from here, I'm not sure where to go. But thank you guys, really, for all your help, support and advice. It means alot.

My surgery is planned for Feb. 9th and tomorrow is all my pre-op testing - EKG, bloodwork, chest x-ray so fingers crossed! Anyway, what is this about a drain? I've been reading people's posts and blogs and they're all talking about a drain. In none of my doctor's visits has a drain been mentioned and I haven't read anything about it. Am I missing something? Can someone explain this to me? Haha I feel kinda silly but I want to be completely prepared and thought I was! Oops! Also, I might have posted this in the wrong spot, but I figured those post-op would know most. Sorry if this is in the wrong place! Thanks!

WOW! Thank you all for your help, support, comments and advice! You're all so fantastic. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this board when I did! I spoke to my doc today when I went to do my pre-op tests and he said that I'll have a drain in the hospital and it varies on each patient if I go home with it or not. So thank you all, so much, again!

Well thank you both! I'll check in with my doc and see what he says!

I don't have a straightforward answer for you, but my gyno always told me that if I could lose all my excess weight, my PCOS would more or less sort itself out and I could try living without birth control. But no one's ever told me yes or no.

I use Aveeno Ultra Calming daily moisturizer and I love it. It's a little on the expensive side but one bottle lasts me about five months, give or take.

February 9th is my date! This is the third time I've had to change it so hopefully finally putting it down it writing will help me not to have to change it again!! I'm so excited and nervous and all kinds of other emotions, but I think excited says it all. I'm ready to start this new journey!

I'm from a close family as well, we all live within five minutes of each other and we're all in constant communication, everyone up in everyone else's business, things like that. Initially, I started with just telling my mom what I was thinking about and that I really wanted her to back me. At nineteen, I'm good to do a lot of things without my mom's say so, but this wasn't one of them. So that was in November. My sister found out on accident when she heard me talking to the doc. We're fourteen months apart, she's younger, so we're close but we fight all the time. She's completely unsupportive and has stated this on several occasions, but she refuses to give me any reasons. We decided to tell my dad after I was approved because if you go to him with anything half assed, then he'll ask you why you don't know all your information. But then, when he found out I'd been keeping it from him for so long, he was livid. I don't think I've ever seen him so mad. That was Saturday and he hasn't spoken to me. He refused to drive me back to college, my sister had to do it. He also stated that he was completely unsupportive and he gave plenty of reasons - you could do this without the surgery, you're not thinking, you are being ridiculous, ect. - and he also will not support me. So after that, I don't think I'm going to tell my other family members, but then what if they react like he did if I hide it? My friends - those I've had forever and my roommates that I've only known in the six months since I've transferred here - took it better then my sister and my father. So I don't know what to think. But I can relate. I'm sticking by the fact that I'm doing this for ME, not for anyone else. I'm doing this for my health and to better my own life and we just have to stick with that. Good luck! And let me know if you need someone to talk to!

Northern Westchester is it! Haha. Dr. Roslin is my suregon. I was at work when I got the call that I was approved, so I got a voicemail from his secretary. I'm calling tomorrow to schedule but I'm aiming for March 8th, because it's the Thursday before spring break for me. I'm pretty excited. Have you had a consultation with anyone yet?

Not sure if this is still relevant but I know how stressed I was before I was approved so I figure I'll just post this anyway! I have Empire BCBS. My consultation was on December 8th, dietitian on December 16th and then my psych. evaluation on December 23rd. That was the Friday before Christmas weekend, and I don't know when they got back into the office and submitted to insurance, but even if they submitted on the 26th, I was still approved on January 13th. I may or may not have had prior weight loss attempts documented in my paperwork, because the day the letter was faxed from my PCP to my suregon's office, I had already been approved, but it was submitted after approval just to cover all my bases. I'm nineteen with a BMI of 37 and two co-morbidities. They automatically approved me - which I absolutely was not prepared for, I was prepared for a fight - and didn't require a diet or anything. Best of luck to you!

Thank you both for your replies! Turns out I didn't need to worry about it. I don't know what happened but while I was in with my PCP talking to him about this and having him write another letter, I got the call that I'd been approved! So thanks again, I appreciate it!

So this might be kinda silly, but here goes. For insurance approval - I have Empire BCBS - we need to prove prior attempts at weight loss. I was never able to do anything like Weight Watchers and the like because my parents never really had any money to spare, you know? So I did over the counter things: Slim Fast, tried a few of those silly diet pills. I've kept a record over the past two years or so of my weight, marked it on the calendar at the end of every month. But I don't have any doctor - and I've seen plenty - ever telling me that there was something specific needed to be done, just that I was too heavy and to do something about it. My PCP already wrote a letter of recommendation because he thinks that this surgery is a good idea - he's the one who recommended it. Should I have him write another one explaining this, too? It's not that I haven't tried, it's just that I haven't tried the way they want me to have and it's a little frustrating. Help? Thanks.

Hi there, I'm Cate and this is the first post I'm making here, so hello! I've recently started this journey - did my seminar and had my first consult with the doc over the past two weeks. I have my UGI and nutritionist meeting this week and my psych next week, right before Christmas. Then everything's going to be sent off to insurance and we're going to play the dreaded waiting game, woo! So, here's my question: I have Empire BCBS H M O. I haven't read about anything negative or positive about H M O plans so I was wondering if anyone has been approved or denied with H M O and what the factors are, ect. I know you guys aren't experts on this, but I'm so anxious! Haha I just want someone to tell me it's gonna work out! Thanks for anything you guys can tell me.

Hey there, I'm Cate and I'm nineteen. I'm in the very beginning stages of this process, as Lap Band has been suggested to me by my PCP and I have decided to finally start looking into it. I've been struggling with my weight since I was a child and it's only gotten worse over the years. So basically I'm here to learn as much as I can and be supportive in any way I can. So I'll see you all around!