...and I am a wreck!

It seems the more excited I get about surgery, the more scared and anxious I become at the same time. I am absolutely a bundle of nerves thinking about the anesthesia. I am a bit of a control freak (my husband would be say it's more than a little), so the thought of being "knocked out" messes with those issues big time. Then there is the fear of not waking up, or waking up during surgery but I try not to let myself go there. The rational part of me knows that I shouldn't worry about things I can't control but that obviously does me no good. I am not worried or afraid of the pain and recovery afterward, I feel like I can handle that, it's just that part when I am not awake.

I have been focusing on the positive, educating myself , preparing for recovery, following my pre op diet to the letter...I want this and I am done with this fat body, I really wish Tuesday was right now.

Am I a nutjob?

Omgosh! You are not a "nutjob", you are normal!! Surgery is always a very scary thing. The anticipation is always worse than the actual surgery. Once you go to sleep, it's like you wake up in the very next second! So don't think about what is going to happen when you're out because it doesn't even feel that way. It's so crazy, one minute your looking in the surgery room and the next your awake in recovery. It will be over before you know it and it will all be worth it. Let me know how you did when your back at home. I bet you'll say it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be.

Am I a nutjob?

Well' date=' you are female.......[looks around for flying shoes']

But really, I think you are doing fine. We all have our concerns. And I completely understand being leary of what you can't control.

I don't think waking up during surgery is anything to worry about. Quit watching House, it's not real(not like I could stop)

I am a control freak too. The idea of being put to sleep and letting go of control was very scary to me. I had never had surgery of any kind before, so I did not know what it was like, thus adding to my fears. I was afraid of all the things you were, but most of all, afraid of the falling asleep, like I might fight it or something. It turns out I was afraid for NOTHING! One minute I was being rolled in to the OR, amazingly unafraid due to the relaxing coctail they had already put in my IV. The next second I was waking up in the recovery room. It was all good!

I had to keep reminding myself before surgery that these people are all professionals. They do it everyday without incident. It is their job to keep me healthy and alive and that is what they would be doing the entire time. In the meantime, try to keep really busy with other things so you don't think about it. I know that is much easier said than done!

Thank you, I appreciate the responses...even from you OTR Sleever! Actually laughter eases the panic a bit

Well' date=' you are female.......[looks around for flying shoes']

You absolutely crack me up when I read your posts!!

BTW- I LOVEEEE House! Brilliant

My advice- Ask for the "la la" medicine as I always put it - otherwise known as versed. I'm also a control freak and fear the unknown. That stuff is awesome and you will let go of that.

Actually, now that I think about it, I think that was a Greys Anatomy episode. I'm addicted to that one too.

I love all the med shows except last night my husband put on NY Med and it was too much and too close to surgery. He dodged a few shoes!