Sabotaging Myself!

[tjmom 200]

Here's the thing....i was doing great....then we decided to host a BBQ this Saturday....

I am disabled, so i am not around other people..unless i choose to ....

i have hid behind my weight all my life...((my husband asked me once, "if you could be ANY action hero. Who would you want to be?"....my response, without hesitation "The invisible man"....

In the past, when we have had a BBQ ... Due to my weight, i could pretty much be invisible...My husband is the social one.. ...but i am worried that my weight loss is going to be a topic of conversation...and people are going to be wanting to "talk" to me all afternoon...

So....i have been eating foods and NOT putting them on MFP .... And/Or telling my husband what i ate during the day...

It depresses me that i so easily returned to bad habits so quickly....my sleeve will be 8 weeks old on Wednesday...and i have gained 3 pounds....

i am hoping by posting this thread, i will shame myself into getting back on track...

Thank you for letting me tell on myself...

[chitowngirl 884]

Wow. Well I can say that obviously you are not happy nor proud of your actions. At eight weeks post op, your early enough in the game to nip those bad habits in the bud. If you. I would call the person who gave you your psych eval, maybe they can offer some coping mechanisms. I really don't like the attention about my weight, so I usually just say thanks and totally change the subject. Don't feel bad about telling people that you preferre not to talk about your weight. You are on the path to a healthy life, it's not always easy, but it is well worth it. You've come too far to sabatoge. Best of luck.

[Randi 21]

Hey - this happens to all of us~!!! Don't beat yourself up and just get up tomorrow and try to do better. It's a change of life and that can't happen overnight. I am about the same place as you are, I was sleeved on April 19th. I've had my moments, trust me!!!

I'm jealous that you are in Bellingham. My husband and i had to move to Dallas from Bonney Lake 2 years ago. We really miss it!! Enjoy the good things in life and try to remember what you are thankful for. It does get better!!

[tjmom 200]

Chitowngirl....i called the psych...he will call back... Great idea! thanks

Randi ...thanks for the moral support....i will try to shake this off and start anew tomorrow...((love this area to live))...move back someday!

***update*** i went back to Sunday and added all eaten foods to MFP ... I feel better having it on the books!

[runner 53]

Don't shame yourself. Don't beat yourself up.

You have acknowledged that you have some kind of problem like social anxiety or it could even be low self esteem. What ever the diagnosis you are doing something about it.

Would the old you have called the psych? You are making great changes everyday! Be proud of every step forward that you take.

[neek41 34]

I am so happy to have found this on my phone today 3 hrs. ago, you guys are the nicest people & very supportive it's a nice family. Thank you for being so nice. I feel like I belong. I'm 4 1/2 weeks out but I'm still having a hard time swallowing some one gave me great advice earlier & I just keep reading & collecting tips. Thanks again for all the support.

[JennyB 25]

I was feeling this way when we went to a BBQ a few weekends ago, the first since surgery. I can be the life of the party if I want to be, but I was meeting a lot of new people so I was definitely wanting to just be invisible. Everyone knew, thanks to my hubby, that I had surgery..the host and his wife asked me questions when we first got there, because we were the first to arrive. After others showed up, it was no longer the topic of discussion and I just felt normal! I will admit I found myself adding food to my plate that I was no way going to eat just because it felt too weird to just get a little chicken and a spoonful of the side I could eat at that point. I just kept moving things around my plate and moving it to my husband's plate. LOL

Glad you went back and added the "hidden" food in, just because it wasn't in your program, you still ate it.

Hope you get to feeling better and enjoy yourself! Be proud of the journey you started and try to push yourself out of your comfort zone, this is our chance in life to just hit the reset button and truly find ourselves!

[tjmom 200]

Reset!

[tjmom 200]

No, the old me would not have called the psych ... It felt good "after i hung up"...lol

All eaten foods accounted for... Feels good...no longer feel guilty...

[Lissa 2,631]

This is a mental health journey just as much as it is a weight loss journey. Good for you for grabbing the reins and saying Whoa! Now, get to rocking that sleeve!

BTW, how were your calories after you added in the extra food? I'm betting you were still well under what you could/would have eaten pre-sleeve.

[spiffikeen 1]

Oh dear. I'm a self-sabotager too. When I get close to maintaining my good work, I backslide into the comfort of bad (but familiar) habits. I feel like because I know what to expect from myself and everyone else, it's better than struggling with new experiences, like seeing family and friends since your weight loss.

Don't beat yourself up. The fact that you had the courage to make this change in your life, saw it through and are now 8 weeks post op is so inspiring to me. That's progress, the every day steps towards your end goal: healthy living.

Stay positive! Focus on the war, which you're winning by getting this far, not the day to day battle. Don't let those 3 pounds dishearten you. To quote a commercial I saw: “All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you something great will come out of it” - Matt Damon, We Bought A Zoo *hug*

[GivingItMyAll 168]

Every day is a new day to begin again. So dust yourself off and get back on track tomorrow. You can do this!

Sent from my iPad using VST

[tjmom 200]

Thank you everyone for the words of support... ... i love this site for so many reasons, and this just reinforces them all...

Lissa, you are so right, even though i was over my 800 daily allowance of calories ... It was no where near what i use to eat...thank you for pointing that out to me...

[Katie713 423]

Tjmom...such a great outpouring of support here. We all have our issues and not one of us is perfect, but we are capable of change and we are changing....you probably learned a powerful lesson in dealing with a trigger, the good old BBQ and wanting to stay in the background. Well just be yourself...walk around with a big glass of SF lemonade with a smile, figure out what you might say in response to typical questions so you are prepared and not caught off guard if someone is asking anything that makes you uncomfortable. So when someone comments on the weight loss, maybe just say thanks and that you are happy to be getting healthier then quickly excuse yourself. No more beating yourself up!

[tjmom 200]

Thank you Katie...again wonderful supporting words of wisdom... SF lemonade and a pre-thought out response...wonderful!